Christmas Continued

Saturday was loads of fun. My in-laws sent us a little Christmas cash, and after some consideration, Scott and I decided to split it down the middle. Scott bought some sort of motorcycle helmet radio thing, and I drove straight to Toys'R'Us. I bought three awesome things, shown here in order of ascending awesomeness.

First is the pine tree. I saw this little "grow your own pine tree" thing, and I've always wanted to try growing my own bonsai tree. It should sprout in about two weeks, and the info says it will grow quickly. It's an Austrian Pine, which is supposed to be pretty hearty.

Next is the Aquasaurs. I was originally looking for Sea Monkeys, but couldn't find them. Man, are they awesome. These are technically triops, which are little crustaceans like brine shrimp (sea monkeys), except these grow up to two inches long... way bigger than sea monkeys! I put the eggs in the water last night, and this morning Scott and I counted about three. They are insanely tiny, and very hard to see, so it's hard to get an accurate count. Plus, obviously they keep swimming around which doesn't make it easier. Right now there are at least ten, and they are already getting bigger. According to the instructions, only 1-4 will live to adulthood, and they live 30-90 days. I'm totally obsessed with watching the little suckers swim around. I can't wait till they get bigger!

And the most awesome: Robosapien!! He's a robot, and full of win. He comes with a remote, and can do lots of awesome stuff. He does kung foo moves, walks forward and backward, turns around, burps, farts, hi-fives, and is programmable to move however you want. He's about a foot tall, and can hold a paper towel tube in his hands. He can pick up and throw things, but he's not very good at it. And the best part is how much he confuses and infuriates the dog. It's hilarious- Spencer really hates robots.

He came with a miniature version of himself, which we believe to be possessed. The little one is about 6 inches high, and doesn't work. He's supposed to walk when you flip his switch on, but mine doesn't do anything. We put the batteries in and nothing. But earlier today I ran upstairs for a second, and when I came back down, he was walking across the table. I put him on the floor, and he stopped. We left him switched on, and so far he hasn't come back to life, but I'm sort of afraid to leave him alone. He may be plotting a robot coup.

Now I really want Robosapien V2, so they can fight each other. Also, I need to think of a name for mine. He's so great.

In keeping with my recent juvenile fascination, I thought it would be fun to go rollerskating today. Scott tried to convince me it was a bad idea, as roller skates are dangerous... but I didn't listen. I've had this pair of skates for seven years, and only wore them maybe twice. So this morning I put them on and ventured into the parking lot. Everything was fine until I met a gentle slope. Then shit hit the fan. I sped up, lost control, and fell backwards on my ass. I struggled to get up while some neighborhood kids laughed their asses off. It quickly became apparent that attempting to continue down the hill would mean certain death, so I turned around and went uphill. As soon as the ground leveled out, I fell forward. I'm not sure which fall did it, but my elbow is all jacked up. I did manage to make it home (all before the first song on my iPod was over), but was pretty disappointed. Guess it would be better to find a roller rink, where there are no elevation changes or rocks or gum. And maybe get some wrist guards.

Hopefully my minor injuries won't keep me from knitting or making cookies this week. But even if that's the case, at least I have some new toys to keep me entertained.

Christmas!

It has been an interesting Christmas season. Everybody got their cookies, and said they liked them, which is good. The Christmas party at work was very boring, but the food was good. Some people said they didn't recognize me at first. Guess I clean up pretty good.

We decorated the house, which turned out nice. We got these ornaments from Scott's parents, and they are so cute! One is a for a motorcyclist, and one is for a knitter:

Sorry my picture sucks. One snowman says, "To knit or not to knit- Is this a trick question?" And the other says, "If I'm riding a motorcycle, I'm happy!" And there is a little charm hanging from one arm.

Last week was sort of quiet at work for a change. On Thursday, my coworker and I went to Target- she wanted to get a couple gifts for our bosses, and I was charged with getting a card for my laid off boss's boss. While there, she kept asking what I'd like for Christmas, and I kept telling her "Nothing!" Afterwards we popped into TJ Max where she continued her inquisition. Eventually I pointed at a box of chocolate-covered cranberries, and said "How about those?" She grudgingly purchased them (apparently it was too cheap...) and I assumed she'd wrap them up and give them to me the next day with others' gifts. Fast forward to Friday. She comes in that morning and hands me a small Victoria's Secret bag, with the candy poking out the top. I figured she just used whatever bags she had around, and pulled out the cranberries and thanked her. Later that afternoon, I looked in the bag and saw these:

My first thought was that she accidentally left them in the bag, so I looked around, noted that she and I were the only ones around, then pulled them out and give her an inquisitive look. She says, "Oh you didn't see them before?" (meaning when I pulled out the candy). The look on her face told me that the gift was, in fact, very intentional. "No... (surprised) Are they for me?" "Yeah! Do you like them? I couldn't find the matching bra..." "Um... yes, they're really cute! Thanks!" Omg. I should add that my coworker is from very rural Asia, and often has a different perspective on things like giving your coworker lacy underthings. So I smiled and told her how nice the undies were (they are cute). And now I have a funny story.

I spent the weekend knitting, and learned to make white bread (it's easy and tasty!). My hands and right arm/shoulder feel like they're going to fall off due to the knitting and kneading, but it was worth it. On Monday I roasted a whole chicken, and made soup from the bones on Tuesday. This is funny in that I seem to have lost all meat-related squeamishness- I was a vegetarian for about 8 or 9 months, and never did well with the reality of meat (the closer it looked to it's original source, the less I wanted to eat it). But now, apparently, I don't care. While rinsing the raw bird, I even saw little bits of what I assumed to be organs stuck to the inside and it didn't bother me at all. After straining the broth, I picked through the bones/meat/everything else and again, was not phased. Weird, but whatever... it's just meat.

This morning, Santa brought me this bad boy:

Ensuring that next week will be filled with copious amounts of bread, cookies, and meringue. I'd like to knit it a cover, but I don't want to hide it. Now I have visions (or perhaps delusions) of making a cover out of clear vinyl. Maybe somebody already makes one! I'm off to go look... Merry Christmas everyone!

Some Good News and Bad News

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted to this blog. A lot has happened since October! The Christmas cactus bloomed, although quite a while before Christmas:

It was really pretty and the flowers weren't anything like I expected. Unfortunately they have since all fallen off, but we'll look forward to seeing them next year.

We had a really great Thanksgiving this year. We stayed at home and relaxed with our traditional dinner (mostly from boxes and cans).

The good people at my local Giant were awesome. Usually they carry a frozen boneless turkey breast that is perfect for Scott and I. It even comes with a little packet of gravy starter! But they didn't have any the day before Thanksgiving, which really bummed me out as Scott won't eat meat if it's still on a bone. However, they did have turkey breasts on the bone, and the guy at the butcher counter was happy to de-bone it for me. And for the first time ever, we made gravy successfully. The whole weekend was full of win.

The four day weekend was desperately needed, as work has been insane. We've got more contracts open than ever before, and everyone wants their crap yesterday. I've been working late every night for the past few weeks (except the week of Thanksgiving, where there would be no overtime pay) and it is so tiring. Then to make things a little more stressful, my company laid off 6 people. For three of them (it seems) this wasn't as horrible as it seemed because they got very generous severence packages. Two others looked pissed and dissapointed and I didn't see the last guy. I feel really bad for those last three guys; their severance probably didn't rock to much. The two I knew hadn't been with the company for even a year, and weren't executives or anything. It's sad that this had to happen right before the holidays, but I also know the company didn't really have a choice.

This is the second time I've survived company layoffs, and I'm told I won't have to worry for quite some time as my department is doing pretty well and needs me. What does worry me is this: My division consisted of a VP, Director, 2 Managers, and 3 others including myself before the layoffs. Post-layoffs, the division is, well, gone. Now there is just my manager, my coworker and me. It's very surreal to go into work one day and the entire division (however small) is gone, and my department has gone from 4 to 3 people.

On the bright side, I get an office now. There will be three free, and I've got mine all picked out. Hopefully I can keep the scavengers away... My boss says he'll call IT next week to get my phone number switched over and computer set up. I hope it works out- right now I've got a table as a desk, a plastic beaker in which to keep my pens, and I put my purse on a box of Kimwipes. Having a desk with drawers would be nice. And it only took me 3 years of hard work to get one!

In other work news, I'm going to the company Christmas party for the first time ever. I had to buy a new outfit and shoes, which was annoying. But it's cute, and makes me look like a grown up. Plus it looks good with my glasses. I've been wearing my glasses for past couple weeks because I'm out of contacts and have been too busy to make it to the eye doctor. Now I'm thinking of wearing them exclusively because people treat me less like an idiot when I wear them.

Speaking of Christmas, I made cookies yesterday. We can't afford lots of gifts this year, so everyone is getting cookies. I did make one special cookie to be included in my brother (and sister)-in-law's tin:

Just ignore my husband's notation. And I'd like to take a moment to thank the inventor of parchment paper. I love it more than anything else.

Cookie making was really fun this year. Usually something goes horribly wrong, but this time I had Christmas music, a dusting of snow, and no disasters. Very nice.

That's it for now. I'll try not to go another 6 weeks without posting this time.

Pumpkins!

Scott and I went to the pumpkin farm last weekend, and it was full of autumny goodness. We saw lots of wee animals:

We got to take a hayride to the pumpkin patch, where we picked two out:

And we also saw a kid (maybe 10 years old?) who had seriously wicked dreads. Scott and I were both pretty jealous. And our desire for dreads has increased ten-fold. We just have to wait for our hair to grow out now... I don't know how long he intends on waiting, but since I don't dig the "Rasta Lisa Simpson" look, I want to wait until my hair is at least shoulder length. So maybe a year?

We plan on carving the pumpkins tomorrow, and I'm sure pictures will follow. Until then, here are our squinty-at-the-sun selves, enjoying the awesome fall weather:

My Favorite Goblin

My pug, Spencer, turned 7 today. He's small, so I think that's late-middle age for a dog. Little gray hairs are popping up with more frequency, but he doesn't seem to be slowing down much. I made a cake for his birthday:

Spencer really loves his weiner. Even though he's fixed, he gives himself the ol' rub and tug often and with great zeal. He has no shame.

Yes, my frosting letters are improving... thank you for noticing.

Back to little Spencer, he also received a new hippo (to replace the smelly old one) and a new collar. He's had the same collar for a few years now (we get him a new one about once a year) but they were out of them today, so now he has a snazzy green stripey collar. I think he likes it better.

In honor of his birthday, I give you a list of the weird things I call Spencer:

1. Stinkerbell

2. Stinkerella

3. Smelly Belly

4. Stinker

5. Little Man

6. Bunny

7. Little Bear

8. Bunny Bear

9. Knob Goblin

10. Tough guy

He really is a Goblin. In fact, Spencer is remarkably gross for such a little dog. He snores, farts, blows snot on you, has terrible breath, drools, snorts, and makes gross hacking noises every now and then. But he's our little stinky goblin, and we love him bunches. Happy birthday, little man.

And This Too

It says Lazy Cunt because I once again used Betty Crocker cake mix and frostings. I did, however, get some cheap tips so I could write better. Obviously, I still need some practice.

Today's Musings

My neighborhood is infested with Stink Bugs. They would be cute if they weren't so keen on getting in my house. But they only stink if you smoosh them, so we have to either suck 'em up with the vacuum or catch the little suckers and toss them out the door.

It occurred to me today that I am going to be 27 next year. For some reason this makes me feel old, and yes, I am aware that the idea of 27 being old would be laughed at heartily by many. Maybe I just didn't realize I was so close to 30. Maybe I'm also a little freaked at how quickly the past 5 years or so flew by.

The weather at this point of the year is absolutely perfect. Just a touch of warmth during the day, then nice and cool all night. I love needing a sweater at night. I love not wanting to run away from the sun. I love the crunchy leaves, the colors, smells, shorter days... and everything else about fall.

We received a flier today warning us to vote against legalizing slots in Maryland. I used to live less than a mile from the Grand Victoria Casino in Elgin, IL, and I think these people are way off. They say, specifically, that slots in Maryland will bring: crime, bankruptcies, debt, traffic congestion, addiction, business closings, greed, and divorce. Crime I can see, they have a legitimate point there. Elgin had a handful of colorful homeless residents, and a slightly higher crime rate than the surrounding area. But it wasn't freakin' Cabrini Green or anything. Traffic congestion I don't see- at least not any more than adding a new Walmart would bring. Business closings I don't believe either. True, some of the people who normally spend money elsewhere will lose it at the casino. But what about all the other people that normally wouldn't come here, but come for the gambling then happen to spend money elsewhere? And 5 of those 8 (bankruptcies, debt, addiction, greed and divorce) really aren't my problem. I mean greed? Really? I'm supposed to care now that my neighbor is greedy? Give me a break. It really sticks in my craw when laws move from protecting us from each other to protecting us from ourselves. It's a waste of time and energy. Self-destructive people will always find a way to ruin their own lives. Not legalizing slots isn't going to stop them.

While the riverboat was a full casino (not just slots, as this amendment proposes), it is not "grand" as the name suggests. It's just a dirty little suburban casino, but it provided jobs and revenue to the city. Elgin had awesome holiday displays and fireworks shows, an annual rib-fest, a massive police force, a local orchestra, social services galore, and free parking. FREE PARKING! Scott and I have always said that if we move back to IL, we'll go back to Elgin. I really believe that the riverboat plays an integral role in making the City of Elgin great.

Normally, I don't vote on stuff like this because I really don't care. But now I'll be voting for spite, because the back of this flier contains what I'd call easily misconstrued facts. Here's the entire bullet point, quoted exactly:

"The industry's own numbers show that one to two percent of gamblers will have addiction problem. One in five will attempt suicide."

Now, what I believe they meant was one in five gamblers with an addiction problem will attempt suicide. But we are lead to believe is that one in five gamblers will attempt suicide. That's just rude. So now I'm making a mental note to vote YES on Question #2!

Overtime has been kicking my ass this week, and will continue to do so possibly forever. You see, another department wanted to borrow me for a while, and my boss said, "Oh no- she's much to busy!" Then came to me and said, "We need you to put in some overtime everyday so we can prove you're too busy to help them." Uh, yeah. Granted, I had offered to put in overtime if needed (I need extra $$ for painting, etc.), but I didn't think it would be everyday. Or for reasons like spite.

I've discovered that I have a possibly horrible perception of sugary toppings... several weeks ago I noticed a half-eaten container of Cool Whip was about to go bad. We didn't have anything to put it on, and I didn't want to throw it out, but it seemed wrong to eat it straight out of the tub. My solution? Put rainbow sprinkles on it. Cool Whip, while traditionally considered a "topping," ceases to be a topping by putting another topping on it. Now it is a tasty snack. Later I applied this same rationale to some leftover frosting: eating frosting straight out of the container is wrong, but add some rainbow sprinkles and Voila! Tasty snack. Today I took it one step further. We didn't have any leftover toppings, so I melted down a square of semi-sweet baker's chocolate and put rainbow sprinkles on that. Delicious.

Our elderly Greek neighbors have been yelling at each other all day again. Part of me is annoyed, and part of me really wants to learn Greek so I can figure out what they're saying. It could be really good ("Stop fucking my sister!"), but it could also be not fun at all ("This is the wrong kind of Metamucil!"). It's really a gamble as to whether it's worth learning another language. Maybe I'll just find a book on how to swear in Greek and start from there. After all, if they're not yelling obscenities at each other, how good can it be?

Speaking of obscenities, I've been experimenting with baking:

Yes, my cake says "Eat a dick." I started out slow, with Betty Crocker cake mix and frosting. I did make the light blue frosting by myself though. And I had to pipe it on with a plastic baggie, so give me a break on the lettering. It's a two layer cake, and it came out pretty well. And yes, there are rainbow sprinkles on it. Next time, I will actually make the cake from scratch (but still with pre-made frosting). And perhaps I will invest in one of those, um, frosting-piper thingies. You know, with the different tips?

The weather finally cooled down. I'm actually a little cold today, and last night I had to turn the heat on in the car- now that's exciting. Suddenly I'm very excited about knitting, and Halloween (which I'm taking off this year, just for funsies), and Thanksgiving... I love Thanksgiving more than life itself. Gasp! I just realized that September is nearly over. I have to go knit something.

My Lucky Day?

Yesterday I found this:

Yup. It's a four-leafed clover. My sister found one in her yard a couple of months ago as well, which amuses me to no end because our family is historically rather unlucky. I had hoped today would bring good luck, but alas... it was a day just like any other. Right now my lucky charm is being pressed, after which I will stick it in a little frame. Hopefully the color won't change! And I'll keep my eyes open for any luck coming my way... or leprechauns.

Last Thursday, my stepdaughter Cass came for a visit... her excursions out here are never long enough. I was lucky this time, in that Scott found himself unable to take off work on Friday- so I had her all to myself. We went shopping at Tyson's Corner and the outlet mall in Hagerstown, and had a pretty good time. She got a bunch of new stuff for school, and I got some new jeans.

On Saturday we ate Frederick's Best Cheeseburgers at Wags, and went on a Candlelight Ghost Tour of Frederick. The ghost tour could have used a couple more spooky locations, and bit less chatting. The tour covers 7 places during about a one mile walk, and took over an hour and a half. It was okay, but there was enough standing around while listening to stories to make my back ache towards the end.

On Sunday we drove around, mostly through West Virginia and Virginia. We ate Sonic burgers along the way, and took back roads through the mountains. I suspect scenic drives may be a lot more enjoyable for Scott and I than for Cass. We will make a note of this for her next visit... Sunday night we rented Strange Wilderness, which was very funny.

Monday we had breakfast at the Mountain View Diner- home of the best freaking french toast ever. Then we piled all my gear on Cass, and Scott took her for a ride.
Later that afternoon, Cass and I made friendship bracelets (she made the green and pink one, I made the other).
And now here we are. Cass got on a plane 6 hours ago, and we already miss her. The sting of having to go back to work tomorrow doesn't help either. I predict emotional overeating for at least two days. Maybe three.

As If I Need Another Reason...

It's really hard to understand how people don't seem to notice the direction this country has taken. It's honestly disturbing. While waiting for my smoothie last night at Panera, I caught a glimpse of this headline. I thought, "That can't possibly be right." Later at home, I read the full article, and noticed that Keith Olbermann is pissed too. We all should be.

I don't have any formal education in law or political science, but I seem to remember going over the Constitution a few times in school. And I seem to remember that there is even a specific Amendment in the Bill of Rights that protects us from this sort of thing. A quick Googling tells me that this is, in fact, the case:

Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Hmm. So much for the Constitution. It's not like the Bill of Rights is some sort of list of principles on which this country was founded, right? And we definitely shouldn't send irate emails to Congress.

It's time to renovate the next bedroom! Mostly it will be a place to relax in solitude, away from the TV and each other; but it needs to house a guest or two (on rare occasions). Unfortunately, even a twin bed takes up half the room, so some creative thinking is in order. We were able to find a small futon at our local Sam's Club that should work nicely- it's something like 86" wide, as compared with the standard 93" futons we saw. Getting that sucker in the car was pretty fun... The box dented the roof of my car, so we sat in the parking lot, pulled the sucker out of the box and put the smaller pieces in the backseat, and the mattress on the roof. Right now it's sitting in pieces, waiting to be assembled.


Last weekend we painted the ceiling and trim, and this weekend we're doing the doors and walls. The room will be a dark sage, and I'm really excited to see the color go up tomorrow. So far I think we've spent about $760 on paint, the futon, wooden blinds, hinges and doorknobs. We still need a small end table, bookshelves, lighting, and some decorations. Then of course, the new floor. We plan on putting in bamboo floors ourselves sometime in September. That should run us about $300.

Of course, as we fix one thing, it's inevitable that other things go awry. First the little rack we use for the dog leash came down. We had it screwed into the drywall (nothing fancy- it's only holding a leash) behind a closet door. While two little wood screws may be plenty to hold up a little rack and leash, it's apparently not enough to keep it attached to the wall when the leash loops around the door handle and then someone tries to close said door. Oops.

Next time we'll watch out for that. Then, earlier today, Scott grabbed a hand towel off the rack and the whole thing came with it. One of the set-screws holding it on had come loose, so it's an easy fix, but there is an ugly new mark on the wall. Stupid, cheap towel bar...

We also finally replaced the missing/broken window screens. After learning how easy it was, I wish we had done it earlier. The house looks much less ghetto without ripped and missing screens.

It's actually sort of difficult to remember that all the things we're doing to the house will pay off in the end. We've been in a new apartment almost every year for six years, and it hasn't sunk in yet that this is OUR house. When we paint a room, we're fixing all the little defects that eat into the value of the house, and we don't have to ever worry about painting it white again in a year before we move out or risk losing part of a security deposit. When we finally get around to improving the kitchen and bathrooms, it will add assloads of value to the place! I'm sure it will sink in over time.

Shit! And also, I am a dork.

So there was this thread on a forum... it was basically one woman who said, "Show me your hair, I'm looking for ideas!" And I just had to read it. And I just had to see a woman with super awesomely wicked dreads. Shit. Shit! Now I really want dreadlocks again. I tried once before.

Exhibit A:

Apologies for the crappy webcam photo, we didn't have a digital camera back then. Anyways, they were super cute, but I had them all waxed and rubber-banded and they were so freakin' itchy and I got impatient... and they came out. I had them for about 3-4 weeks total. Poor Scott worked so hard to make them, and I sat for an afternoon with a bottle of conditioner and brushed those suckers out.

Unfortunately, now the longest bits of my hair are approximately three inches long. It looks like I won't be getting those dreads for quite a while. So for the next year or so, I'm going to NEVER get a haircut (not even a trim), and try to stay nice and healthy for maximum hair-growth speed. There's nothing that will make your hair grow faster, but it can sure as hell grow slower if you don't take care of yourself. I've put a piece of paper, a ruler and a pen in my bathroom so I can keep a log of how long my hair is getting. Technically, hair only needs to be about 4 inches in order to dread it, but I'm not really keen on the spiky look it gives you. I'm going to aim for 8-10 inches, or about a year. Also, I'm implementing a ponytail rule: they are to be worn sparingly, and never slept in. I had a TON of breakage from ponytail abuse before I chopped off all my hair, and I don't want that to happen again.

As for what will change when Dread Time comes: I'm going to get them done by a pro. The woman on the forum said it's a good idea, and she's probably right. Also, I will be aware this time of the itchiness and work involved. Plus I've got a couple new tools in my belt: first is a felting needle, and second is a crochet hook. The innerwebs tell me these are pretty effective at maintaining nice, tight, dreadlocks.

My sudden desire to be knotty-headed leads me to my next topic: in which I am a total hippie and a nerd. I don't know what it is lately... It started when I was sick last week, and I made an off-hand remark to Scott about how I was going to look for a cure in one of my witchcraft books. I have several occult books, given to me by my brother back when I was in junior high. I can't let them go. Anyhoo, that led me to go look at them again. I have an almost perverse attraction to all things religious and spiritual. I don't want to practice or follow any of it, I just want to know about it. All of it. So anyways, I'm looking though these books, and reading about crystals, and I'm reminded that my birth month has two birthstones: aquamarine and bloodstone. I've never been fond of aquamarine; it's barely got any color, and it's girly. But bloodstone is something I could get behind! Frederick has a rock shop, Earthly Elements, so I went in a bought a bloodstone. I was even able to find one with a decent splotch of "blood." While I was there, I also got a pendant: it's supposed to help me communicate better. Here they are, my magic hippie crystals:

Ironically, the "communication" crystal is mostly aquamarine. There are two other smaller stones on top of it, but I forgot what they are.

Then, while I was looking at those occult books again, I came across my Tarot instruction book. I dug out my Tarot cards, and looked at the book... I bought them together in 2001 in a crappy little magic shop. Six years later, and I finally crack the book open and learn that it's for a different deck than the one I have (the Rider-Waite deck). Super. So I went to the bookstore and got a new book. So far I've done readings for myself and the dog, using the book the whole time. One day I'll memorize the whole 78 card deck, but it will take a while.

But you see that bag the deck is on? I made that! I decided that my deck needed better clothes than the box they came in, so I went to Joann Fabrics and got a couple fabric remnants (cheap!). I got a red satiny fabric and a black sheer fabric. I also got some cord for a drawstring, and sewed the little sucker up that night!

Not too shabby! Now I just have to learn to cope with being a fortune-telling-hippie-nerd for the rest of my life.

Das FURminator ist gut!

If you've never heard of it, the FURminator is a deshedding tool, which claims to reduce shedding up to 90%. I picked one up at Petsmart a couple months ago, after hearing a lot of praise on the innerwebs. Little Spencer has a fondness for napping on the couch, which leaves a nice sprinkling of black fur all over it, and they say it will totally reduce the amount of fur on the couch (or carpet, tile, whatever). I nearly choked when I saw the price ($30!), but it comes with a guarantee, so what the hell, right?

Spencer was a little confused at first, because his last brush was this one, which didn't really require, um, delicacy. But the FURminator is sort of sharp and pointy... I didn't want to injure my little man, so it became imperitive that he sat still. I can't imagine raking through his fur as roughly as the video on the FURminator website- I tend to be really ginger as to not mess up his skin. But holy crap does that little brush do a great job! Look at what I pulled out of my little piglet:

For reference, the brush is 6 inches long. I should have taken a shot from the side too, because the pile is probably two inches high. And Spencer is a twenty pound pug. That's a lot of fur. The little sucker works pretty well! I really notice a difference in the week following a brushing. There's definately less fur scattered around the kitchen (where it shows the most), and less on the couch too. Best $30 I ever spent! So if you own something that sheds, don't hesitate to get one.

Sick

On Thursday the office closed early, so I decided to make a nice dinner with the extra time. I went to the store, came home and made pulled pork sandwiches with cornbread and corn on the cob. It all came out well, but while I was cooking, I noticed my throat growing a little sore. I hoped that maybe it was an effect of the air conditioner being on so much. That night I ran back to the store and got a tub of ice cream. The ice cream made my throat feel a little better, and I went to bed.

Friday morning I woke up and was pretty sure that I was dying. I had a fever, the chills, I was achy all over, and my sore throat was much worse. I glanced at my throat in the mirror, and noticed my uvula was perhaps three times it's normal size. Ugh. What a great way to spend the Fourth of July. Throughout the day, it got worse and worse. Mid-afternoon I took my temperature and it was a whopping 103.1- and that's about a half an hour after I took two Tylenol. I probably should have gone to a doctor, but the idea of waiting in an ER for 20+ hours while all the idiots with blown-off fingers go ahead of me (fireworks accidents + triage) was not appealing. I decided to take my chances. Eventually my fever started going down, and I ate a little then went to bed. This morning I woke up, and surprisingly felt much better. My sore throat is gone, as is the fever... but I still feel sort of achy and sick.

I remember growing up with the mentality that if you have a fever, then you have an infection and you need antibiotics. Since moving to Maryland, I've gotten three fevers, and haven't gone to the doctor for any of them. Miraculously, I've survived! It took me a while before I realized that I have a functioning immune system, and maybe I don't always need drugs to make me better. Take a little something to keep the fever from cooking your brain, drink a lot of water, and let your immune system do it's thing.

Finally! The Weekend

Work was super frustrating this past week. We were audited (not financially) by a customer, and it was hell. Our department is small, and there was a ton of work to do. Since my coworker speaks English as a second language, I typically get all the computer work dumped on me. This means that for the past week I had the benefit of creating new documents, databases, and other random crap, while my coworker had almost nothing to do. And it all culminated on Thursday, when a crapload of people walked around and pointed out all the things we should be doing better, and watched me over my shoulder while I tried to work (which is really fucking unnerving). It all sucked. I hate it and I hope it never happens again. And if all my extra work doesn't get me FAT raise at my next review, there will be a shitload of passive aggression on my part... and probably also whining, dirty looks, and laziness.

But today was pretty good. I went on my first real motorcycle ride! About a year ago, Scott bought me a helmet, and took me around the parking lot, but I hated it. The bike we were on was practically a dirt bike, and it was so squirrelly that it felt like the stupid thing could fly out from under us at any moment. Now Scott has this new bike (a Suzuki V-strom, if anyone cares), and he first put me on the back to drop off a movie at the Blockbuster down the street. It's much better. This bike is heavier, so it feels more substantial. So today we went for an actual drive. We took the long way to REI (about an hour away) to get a handheld GPS unit. It was really hot (about 95 deg.), especially with riding gear on, but the wind helped cool us off a bit. It was a lot of fun, and once we get the new GPS set up, it will be a blast riding around looking for Geocaches!

A Smattering of News

Let me first get this little rant out of the way, so I feel better:

Why is it that every time I'm given one simple, little task at work, it turns into a huge clusterfuck of timesucking jackassary? Why? It totally blows. Next time someone asks me do to "this one, quick, thing" I am going to mentally substitute "multiple frustrating and endless tasks."

Ok, that's better.

So new stuff... we got a table and chairs for deck. It's a really pleasant place to sit, especially in the afternoon when it's breezy. The deck gets full shade after about 2pm so it's nice and cool. One of these days I'm going to bring my spinning wheel out there.

My sister-in-law gave me some plants, but I'm pretty sure I'm killing the shit out of them.

It's actually two plants: a Christmas cactus, and an unidentified leafy plant. When they came to me, the roots were pretty intertwined, and I didn't want to kill them trying to separate them, so they went into the pot together. Maybe not the best plan. The leafy one has lost several leaves since this photo was taken. I'm hoping that it was just the shock of taking two day motorcycle ride with Scott then being thrust into a pot. Time will tell.

Scott got his vasectomy last weekend. It was so freaking awesome. His doctor graduated from Duke in the 50's! He was ancient- but also razor sharp, and his hands were as steady as a rock. He says he's done about thirty thousand vasectomies... that's a lot of experience. And the guy was a riot. He never stopped talking throughout the entire procedure... he went on about guys with crazy tattoos (one guy with an octopus wrapped around his pecker), pierced wieners, whores in Amsterdam, smoking pot, and how he's related (by marriage) to Strom Thurmond. His Carolina accent sounded EXACTLY like Foghorn Leghorn (minus the stutter). Scott says it would be worth getting the procedure done again, just for the entertainment value. We haven't laughed that hard in a long time. The best part was when he said, "One the most common questions is 'When can I have sex again?' I usually tell people that you should at least wait until you get home." And everything was "pecker" and "balls," totally old school.

And lastly, I joined the Venture Bros. Shirt of the Week Club. My first shirt should be arriving next week- I'm so stoked! The first week was a Guild of Calamitous Intent shirt, then a Dr. Killinger shirt, third week was Quiz Boy, and the fourth week goes up Sunday night. I freaking love that show. I hope that shirt gets here soon...

Gah!

I really want this car.


In a major way. It's a 2009 Dodge Challenger, and it's hot. But unless somebody drops 40 grand and a miracle in my lap (quantities are limited), it's not going to happen. Over the past couple weeks I've grown increasing frustrated due to a sudden urge to drive something wicked fast.

I blame my boss. Recently I followed him to his mechanic, and was seriously jealous of the way he could zip around on the beltway. And he wasn't even trying to be slick- he knew I was following him in my inferior Camry, and that I had no idea where we were going. If he lost me, he lost his ride home. He was just effortlessly slipping in gaps that were closed by the time I could lug my ass up there. Then last week, I drove with him on our way back to the office from lunch, and he jammed on the gas so hard I was smashed into my seat. I've never felt G forces in my car...

To make it worse, the boss is feeding my little green-eyed monster. He's a total sports-car-guy, and keeps trying to make helpful suggestions (some even more out of my price range). My work day is filled with talk of horsepower, transmissions, and brakes (new favorite quote: the better your brakes are, the faster you can go). Gah. Just gah.

Fast and cheap do not always go hand in hand, apparently. I've looked everywhere, and all I've got is a list of Cars I Really Want:

Dodge Challenger
Nissan GT-R (not out yet)
Nissan 350Z
Audi TT
Audi A5
Any Saab sedan
Honda Accord Coupe V-6
Acura TL
Cadillac STS
Infiniti G37

Of course, I can't afford any of these, but I'm going to start saving my pennies right now.

Adventures in the Crack House

Ever since we moved in, the drain in my bathroom had been slow- anything more than a trickle from the faucet would fill up the sink pretty quickly. Knowing what sort of people the previous occupants were, I was hesitant to do much about it. I mean, there could be anything in there: baggies full of crack, used condoms, a dead fetus... who knows? I poured some Drano down there, but that didn't help. There was only one way to fix it. I had to find whatever was clogging up the drain, and pull it out.

The hardware store has these disposable plastic sticks, with little barbs on them. You shove them in the drain, and they pull out all sorts of gross shit. I usually use them to pull my hair out of the shower drain, and I figured it would work in this situation too. So I got one, stuck it in and apprehensively pulled it back out. Do you know what came out? Fucking Scotch tape. Of course. You may remember from previous posts that the idiots who lived here before had some sort of Scotch tape fetish. We found it on walls, under cabinets, on light fixtures, on windows, everywhere. Anyway, who the hell puts tape down a sink drain?! You'd really have to work to get a wad of tape down a drain. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with people?

In any case, it was yet another shining example of Why You Shouldn't Do Drugs. Sometimes I'm so perplexed by the fuckwads that lived here that I have urges to drive down to the county jail and ask the guy (one of several renters) just what went on in this place. But that's probably not the best idea.

Wasps and Knobs

There are wasps all over the place. They have been looking for places to live, and unfortunately they've been looking where we live. Those stingy little fuckers hover endlessly around our windows and deck, exploring all the nooks and crannies. Our deck, by the way, is not even wood- it's that plastic stuff, so no tasty wood pulp to lure them there. Scott has doused the doors and windows with his Crazy Wasp Killing Spray, and took a few wasps down, too. That shit is potent! As soon as the spray hits 'em, they fall to the ground dead. Awesome. This morning a wasp found it's way into our room, and wasn't too pleased when we told him he had to go. There was a battle, but Scott won. I hope they eventually find other places to live, and leave us alone.

The weather is pretty awesome today... it's in the mid-upper 70's and mostly sunny with a gentle breeze. If only every day of the summer could be like this. Hopefully there will be a few more weeks of mild weather before the oppressive heat and humidity settle in. I have high hopes for this year... 2005 was super hot, 2006 wasn't too bad, 2007 was super hot, so maybe 2008 will be okay? And by "okay" I mean not 95 degrees with 90% humidity for two months straight, except for that day it rained. Like last year.

Yeah, I'm in the minority. Most people sit around all winter waiting for the warm, sunny days of summer, and they like to go on vacation in places like Florida, Hawaii or Vegas. Not me. I sit around all summer, with the air conditioner blasting waiting for the cool, brisk weather of autumn to return. The idea of vacationing somewhere tropical gives me hives- I'd rather go to Alaska, New England or Europe. I spend inordinate amounts of time plotting ways to move to Maine. Maryland is great, but from May to September it is just crazy hot. Is there anyplace in the US that is exactly like Maryland, but ten degrees cooler in the summer? That's where I want to go.

There's nothing new with the house. Scott tells me I should use our tax rebate to do my knitty room, so that will be the first room done. Well, except for the carpet- that will get done after we've finished all the painting. That's pretty much all we've done- establish an order of completion. First we do all the painting, except for the kitchen. Then we put in the new floors, except for the kitchen. Then we replace the kitchen counter top and sink. Then we paint the kitchen. Then we do the kitchen floor. It seems like there is a ton to do, since we have to repaint all the doors and trim too. And there are a myriad of other projects to tackle: replace/repair window screens, replace cheap blinds with respectable window coverings, replace hideous brass lighting fixtures, fix the furnace, and eventually replace the appliances with better, black ones. Oh, and replace the front door. I think that's all the major stuff.

No wait. There's more- like getting new furniture, getting new non-brass doorknobs, putting knobs and draw pulls on the kitchen cabinetry, and renovating all 2.5 baths. Haha, we also want to install extra cabinets in the kitchen (possibly get a rolling island), and buy a wicked pot rack. I've also got my heart set on replacing the switch plates with much cooler ones. We've got us some high expectations.

The knobs are my favorite part. I've been looking online, and learned that doorknobs are lot more expensive than I realized ($40-130!), but they are so great. We hope to put a different knob on every door. And on every cabinet door or drawer too (they'll probably be all the same finish but different designs)! That way we can match each doorknob to the room. It just seems more interesting that way.

If we actually manage to accomplish any of this, I'll let you know.

Warning: Super Photo-heavy Post Ahead!

I managed to take a bunch of pictures of the drive home last week without killing myself or others, though many were pure crap. Apparently stuff wooshing past the window at 45 mph doesn't show up too well in photos. But here are the ones that were okay, they don't all have fun captions, as I'm just not that creative.

The first one is on the main road. Nothing really special.

Now we're onto the side streets, note the hidden abandoned building on the right side of the road.
This road is barely wide enough for two cars to pass. Ask me how I know.
Same road as last photo...
And again.
Now I'm at the next road- see the log cabin? It's white on one side.
Farm!
Turny road.
More turniness on the left, farm on the right.

This is Sugarloaf Mountain:
Farm!


This place is filthy with big, old, awesome houses. One day I will have one.

And now we're in Buckeystown, which is in Frederick County. It's a small, historic town.

And that's all of 'em. Hope I didn't kill anybody's interwebs with all the photos.