Whenever I listen to gangsta rap, I mentally replace all the n-words with "knitta." Sometimes this leads to thinking that Snoop Dogg might REALLY be a knitter...

Lodi dodi, we likes to party
We don't cause trouble, we don't bother nobody
We're, just some [knittaz] who're on the mic
And when we rock up on the mic we rock the mic right
For all my Doggs keepin y'all in health
Just to see you smile and enjoy yourself
Cuz it's cool when ya cause a cozy conditionin
Which we create, cuz that's our mission
-Lodi Dodi

It just seems to fit, doesn't it?

Speaking of knitting, I need to get to work on a few things. First on the list will be a cowl, or short scarf of some sort. This morning, while stooping to pick up Spencer's poo, my scarf swung forward and very nearly touched the poo. Being very anti-poo-on-my-clothing, but pro-warm-neck, this seems like a good solution.

The other item bumped up the list is a pair of woolly mittens or gloves. I've been wearing my fingerless mitts over a cheap pair of those stretchy, acrylic gloves. I don't know how I made it through last winter with only those gloves (actually, I think I've always worn those cheap gloves). Now I can feel the massive difference between them and the woolly fingerless mitts- which are warmer even without fingers! Anyway, I bought some wool for them over the summer, but need to get another set of DPNs so I can do both at the same time.

The last thing I moved up the list is a cardigan. I just desperately want a warm sweater. I feel like I'm cold all the time. We are keeping the house at 68°, work claims to be 73° but my machine is right next to a window and also the thermostat is a filthy liar, and the Jeep is a bit drafty. I have a second course of action that involves sewing cotton bags filled with rice. I think I'll make a bunch- two for at home, one for work, and maybe some for gifts? We'll see. My coworker claims that the Asian market sells rice for $10 per 25 lbs, but I remain skeptical. I found 50 lb bags online that go for $60-70, so her guess seems awfully cheap. We are going there tomorrow, so we'll see.

The afghan I started is freaking awesome, and may be hard to put down. I'm only about 6" into it, but it's wide enough to cover our queen size bed. Unfortunately I figured out that the amount of yarn I purchased for this project is laughable. I bought 8 skeins of Red Heart. I think I might need more like 30. Luckily, Red Heart has no dye lot so I can just buy them as I need them, more or less. Unless they discontinue colors. Crap. Do they do that? Maybe I need to go back to Michaels this weekend.

Yesterday and Today in 20 Items

1. Argued with cats about what an acceptable time to wake up is

2. Sat around the house in my jammies most of the day

3. Blogged

4. Took shower

5. Bought a fuckload of super cheap yarn (enough Red Heart for an afghan and Fun Fur for kitty beds)(shh... don't tell Scott)

6. Went to knit night

7. Watched X-files with Husband until I was ready to pass out from sleepiness

8. Argued with the cats again

9. Ate chocolate-covered espresso beans for breakfast

10. Showered again

11. Gave Spencer a bath

12. Went to bank; bought correct ink cartridge and groceries

13. Got home, realized that my "groceries" consisted of: pizza rolls, orange soda, ghee, coconut oil, apple cider, and a loaf of bread

14. Debated how much impact grocery choices should impact self-worth

15. Noted that much-anticipated Netflix arrival (The Cell) was badly damaged and wept over having to wait longer to see crazy Vincent D'Onofrio character again

16. Made popcorn with coconut oil and ghee; discovered surprising level of disappointment with ghee

17. Watched less awesome movie with a still-damp pug clinging to my side for warmth

18. Spent the remainder of the afternoon and much of the evening downloading Snoop Dogg songs and pointlessly browsing internet

19. Wrote this blog in a last-ditch effort to feel like today wasn't a complete wash

20. Realized that I should have included "finished french press cozy" and "did laundry" in this list somewhere between 14 and 18, but was too lazy to renumber the list

How am I this lazy? Sometimes I'm amazed I don't die from spontaneous organ failure as my laziness takes over even my most basic reflexive bodily functions.

Not-So-Black Friday

Thanksgiving is the best holiday of ever. This year Scott and I spent it with our friends, Joe and Maria, who happen to be vegetarians. They made an unturkey, made with seitan, which is surprisingly meaty (and tasty!). Admittedly, I was very skeptical at first. If my brief foray into vegetarianism taught me anything, it was that most fake meat products are disgusting- at least when compared to their meaty counterparts. But the unturkey tasted almost exactly like turkey, except that the texture was different. If you had told me I was eating some sort of processed turkey-based food product, I would have believed you.

All in all, the evening was most excellent. Good food, good friends (including meeting a new acquaintance!), and good times all around. I am thinking that we might return the favor by inviting them for a Lou Malnati's deep dish pizza-fest in the near future.

Last night we also learned that Cass got her first job, which is pure awesomesauce. We are very proud, and she's a smart cookie so I'm sure she'll do great. Hopefully she'll learn all those tricky things about being responsible with time, money and priorities. If you're reading this, Cass: Yes, of course all those things can suck ass at times, but that is what enables you to do whatever the hell you want with the rest of your life!

Speaking of jobs, mine is pretty awesome lately. I've been putting in a little extra effort, and it's paying off. Not only literally (in terms of overtime), but my boss seems a lot happier with me, too. I recently got a glowing review, and learned that one of my customers was so pleased that he's writing a letter to be added to my personal file. Then to top it off, another customer sent me a Target gift card to thank me for working on a Saturday a couple weeks ago. It feels good to be appreciated, and it's incredibly motivating.

My knitting mania has returned, but (and I think this is typical of me) I am so enthralled with the idea of knitting so many different things, that I end up staring at Ravelry all day, not knowing where to start. Last week I worked on my green pullover, but when I tried it on I decided it needed shaping and ripped back most of it. I've also got a new pair of socks going, and a cozy for Scott's french press. And of course there's Spencer's bed which still languishes in my closet most of the time- out of sight, out of mind. I've really got to get going on that because between the cats and Spencer, his current bed has seen better days.

In addition to the things I've already got going, I keep having happy little visions of mittens and gloves and hats dance around my head. More recently, a ginormous crocheted afghan has crept in there, too. It might be fun to have something for lounging around on the sofa with all the pets. This would be made with super cheap acrylic for durability, and also because the cats will put anything wool in their mouths. They are wool suckers.

I'm also thinking about making a couple felted "beds" for the cats. Since they're young and don't seem to really mind sitting on the hard floor, these would be more like cat mats. I'm thinking felted... several strands of wool (despite the sucking- felting should help that be less of a problem)... large needles... and maybe even an eyelashy fun-fur type novelty yarn carried along because word on the street is cats love that sort of thing. It would be nice for them to have something cozier than linoleum to sit on as they watch leaves skitter across the deck.

Maybe I can work on finishing those this weekend. I love sitting here (still in my jammies) and knowing that I'd normally be at work right now. It is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Today my plans consist of being lazy for most of the day (check!), bathing my stinky piggy-pug, bathing myself, and going to knit night. I might stop at Office Depot for printer ink, if it doesn't look too nutty. Apparently when HP says "buy ink with the number 564 on it" they really mean "no, not that one- the OTHER 564." Fuckers.

The rest of my weekend will be filled with X-files, movies, and knitting. It's really the only way to live. I hope all of you out there are having an equally awesome weekend.

Chemical Delirium

I've got serotonin issues. I always have. Ever since junior high, I've lived with some level of depression and/or anxiety. It's run unchecked and unmedicated more often than not, but recently I went to the doctor and got put back on meds. Hooray! She also gave me a little bottle of insta-happy for any panic attacks I get until they fully kick in. The serotonin boosters are not new to me, but these happy pills... They had me both nervous and intrigued.

I was worried that I'd take one during a panic attack while out in public, and have some sort of horrible reaction- which would increase my anxiety and (in my imaginary scenario) reduce me to a sobbing heap of embarrassment in the middle of a restaurant. So I thought I had better test drive one at home first. I took one last night when I got home from knit night. Wow. These babies will even make going to the dentist a pleasant experience. I feel very hopeful that my life will be more action-packed and fun-filled.

And if that's not awesome enough, my cholesterol is down! My first ever test was 221- and that was after being a vegetarian for nearly a year. My next test was 234, and that was after trying to eat a little better and get a bit of exercise. Now I'm down to 202! That's just 3 points out of the normal range! Oddly enough, I've stopped caring about what I eat and abandoned any hope of getting regular exercise. I've decided that the best explanation is that more donuts = lower cholesterol.

This last week Scott and I had our 9 year anniversary, and I'm really sort of amazed that he's put up with my neurotic ass for so long. Secretly, I know that I'm the the hard one to live with, even though I like to pretend it's him. I just hope he'll keep sticking it out with me. Hopefully Medicated Amanda will be slightly less of a pain in the ass.

Pac Man

I got a text from someone who had a wrong number, and decided to have a little fun. I have no idea why all his texts ended with "RIP Pac Man." The following conversation took place over three hours, and was loads of fun (for me). His part is red, mine is blue.

Whats up sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who dat?

Who calls u sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Where u been? I miss u!

I miss u to baby my roommate had to pay his bill **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I never liked him.

Why u say that baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Cuz he gave me herpes :(

Who did **R.I.P PAC MAN**

WTF that trick ass bitch u live with that's who! But that's in the past

Who is that babe and how u know who i live with **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I met him at the club once and we got 2 talkin an next thing I know we banging in the toilet

So u wanna hook up later?

How can we hook up later **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can we not? Dont be that way, you know how bad I want you

But i cant leave the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Can't I go there?

Yea when u wanna cum **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Lol tonite ok?

Ite but who was the guy u met in the club whats his name and i thought u didnt have herpes **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I was pretty drunk and don't remember his name. Don't be mad I just wanted 2 get 2 know u.

If u dont remember his name how u know who my roommate is keep it 100 **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He said he was, I remember that part. Otherwise I wouldn't of talked 2 him. He kinda stanky.

What do that mean and why u fuck a stanky nigga anyway and how he know we talk **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He say u owe him money and if we fuck hed call it even. I was tryin 2 help u out.

Do u know who u texting **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I don't know 2 many playas in halfway houses

So who do talk to in the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

You! God u pissin me off. I'm not cumming over later. I gotta get my hair did

Who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who am I!?

Kita now who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

This ain't kita! Who the fuck is kita? And where else u been stickin yo dick?

Nah im playin u guh like shit u cummin to see me **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lack of punctuation still leaves me confused as to what he exactly meant)

I'm a go see my man Chucho! He know how to treat a lady right!

So now i dont stop purpin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(at this point I had to google "purpin")(it means lying to cover something up)(yes I'm that white)

U the one be purpin

Come fuck wit me if u cant come up here at least send me a picture sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Use ur imagination!

Im only creative when fuckin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

So i guess u dont wanna cum huh baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Not wit u! Lose my number...

I dont want herpes anyway stank cock cunt **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(aw, I feel kinda bad)

Ok I confess: I have no idea who you are, who your roomate is, or who Kita is. You texted the wrong number.

Iite **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lower-case "L" and upper case "I" on my iPhone are identical...)

Lite? Lite what?

I said iite,wat u want 2 stor dis number n ur phone book babygirl:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can you be sure I'm even a girl? :)

Now u playin games huh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who is PAC MAN?

U kno da viedo game....duhhh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Ha I thought it was someone's nick-name. Why are you in a halfway house? And why can't you leave?

I juss came home from do 5years i get releas n 2weeks,y wats up send me ah picture of u..... **R.I.P PAC MAN**

What were you in for?

If i tell u everything u gon kno more den me....smh wats up wit ah picture **R.I.P PAC MAN**

No picture! I want to know why you were in prison.

I was locked up for a gun charge and i had some coke on me,wats up wit da pic **R.I.P PAC MAN**

5 yrs is a long time for a gun and some blow… what else have you done?

(no response)

How about a picture of my pussy?

Iite let me c it:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

U got alot of jokes dont u..lol....smh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Yes I do. I have to get back to work now, but thanks for an entertaining day. Good luck with being released and all that. :)

And that was that. I hope this guy finds the piece of ass he's looking for.

Cats and Knitting (oh god I'm becoming what I've always feared)

Holy shit do I love this weather. It's cool enough for sweaters (especially at night) and toasty warm hand-knits, but not so cold that we need to turn on the heat. It's so exciting to know that I won't need to worry about sweating my ass off every time I leave the house for at least another 6 months or so. I recently bought a wind-proof fleece jacket and it is perfect for this time of year. I loves it. I also bought a pair of winter boots, which unfortunately guarantees that there will be absolutely no snow this year. Not that I'm hoping for a repeat of last year's deluge, but a couple of 6" snows is always nice- it's just not winter without some measurable snow.

Today is Halloween, and I'm excited to celebrate in my customary way: I buy a couple bags of Halloween candy, get a blanket, and pick a spooky movie. Then I turn off the porch light, snuggle up on the couch with the blanket and movie, and eat all the candy myself. Mwahahahaha! Honestly, I did leave the light on for the first two years but we never had one trick-or-treater. Not one! I think they avoid our neighborhood because of all the stairs, lazy little slackers.

I finished knitting a pair of socks for my sister-in-law, and immediately afterwards made a couple instant-gratification items: a swiffer cloth and a felted coaster cozy. The swiffer cloth was a success- it's not quite as grabby as the disposable cloths, but it does work. The coaster cozy was meant to keep the cats from knocking our stack of cheap cork coasters off the counter. It was less of a success. First, it didn't quite come out the size I was shooting for. This is probably because I crocheted it and crochet apparently shrinks differently than knitting, which makes sense because it IS different. Second, it does nothing to stop the cats from just knocking the whole thing off the counter. Clearly, this is their second favorite game to play in our absence, right after "hide assorted small objects under the stove."

Speaking of cats, Marlow did wind up back at the vet. They shaved the back of his leg to get a good look at where he had been chewing and he really did a number on himself. Chewed himself right up. He also had filthy ears (again) and a small scratch on his cornea (probably from a tussle with Sam). They gave us four (4!) medications and an Elizabethan collar. Surprisingly, the medications were not a big deal. Two oral liquids, ear drops, and eye ointment... he was good about getting all of them, even the ointment. The collar on the other hand, well, didn't go over too well.

I'm reasonably certain that Marlowe is dumber than your average cat. I love him to death, but he's... special. I put the collar on him once we got home, and the poor little guy could not figure out how to walk forward with it on. He kept trying to slink along the ground, but the bottom edge of the collar would catch on the carpet. He would take a couple steps, get "stuck" on the carpet (or a piece of furniture or a door frame), then he'd back up and try again. I even tried cutting about an inch off of it to make things easier, but it was no help. Eventually he solved his problem by simply walking backwards. Except he couldn't navigate the stairs backwards. I carried him upstairs, since I'd rather have him up near the litter box, but then I found new problems. He couldn't get into the covered litter box and he had no water upstairs. Ok. I took the top off the litter box thinking that he might figure out how to back into it. Then I brought up a bowl of water. Unfortunately, it only took Sam a few minutes to locate the bowl of water and splash all the water out of it. Super.

I can't separate the cats because I have only one litter box. If I put Marlowe upstairs with a bowl of water, Sam will splash all the water out. And Marlowe can't drink out of the water dish downstairs with the cone on, so there's no point in putting the litter box and Marlowe down there. The only solution was that the collar had to go. There was no way I could stay home with Marlowe and make sure that my backwards-walking cat would be okay anyway. He had to be able to function without me. Luckily, it all worked out in the end. Once the steroids kicked in, he seemed to stop itching and had little interest in chewing up his leg. Now he's fine, though he still looks a little mangy while his hair grows back.

The vet had also suggested that Marlowe is getting a little chunky, which came as a huge surprise. If Marlowe is getting a little husky, then Sam must be morbidly obese. Now they're both on diets, and I'm feeding them separately to be sure they're only eating exactly what they're given. Of course this means that they wake me up every morning, crying about how they're starving and they'll die if they don't get their breakfast right now! And they repeat this routine as soon as I walk in the door. It irritates them to no end that Spencer gets walked before they get their dinner, and Sam gives us the Glare of Death from the window sill. Oh, these pets and their shenanigans!

Back to knitting: I'm working on a pair of fingerless mittens for myself, to protect my hands from the Jeep's cold steering wheel. What's better- it's from STASH! Look at me! Knitting from the stash! Who knew it was possible? I'm using a ball of Rowan Felted Tweed that I actually bought for this very purpose, and making up the pattern as I go.

I'm also considering destashing all my mohair. I bought a bunch of it when I first discovered non-big-box yarn, but it turns out that I really don't like mohair. I can't really put my finger on why, but I don't. My sister is visiting this weekend (yay!) so maybe she'd like some, and anything else will go up for grabs.

A Mostly Decent Week

The past week had only a few small frustrations. This is remarkably better than previous weeks, which were fraught with many large annoyances. It turns out that I'm not thrilled with my bangs- they're cute, but mildly annoying. Luckily they'll be long enough to tuck behind my ear in a few weeks, and until then bobby pins keep them out of my eyes. There haven't been any major issues at work, but we have had a lot of visitors which is distracting. And it seems like everyone is doing their best to schmooze my coworker and I in an effort to convince us to move to Connecticut. I know they don't mean to, but they're stressing me out. It's a lot of pressure. Even without the schmooze, it's a lot.

When Scott wanted to move us out to Maryland, the decision wasn't as hard. Sure we'd be far from our family, but he had a great job offer and I had absolutely nothing going for me in Illinois. But now there's more at stake, since we have to consider Scott's career and our home (which hasn't exactly appreciated). Plus we like this area... I've really grown to love it (except the damn heat). I like the slightly slower pace of life, lax gun laws, history, and mild hillbilly flavor. I'm sure Connecticut has it's own charms, but I definitely get that "fish out of water" vibe.

Today I lightened that load a bit by doing a Tarot spread. I love Tarot. I don't think there's anything mystical or magical about it, but it works. You read into it what you need to hear. This time I read that for now I just need to relax and let things play out. And that's true- even if I knew the answer right now, it doesn't really make a difference. We're still going to be here in MD for at least another year, probably longer. Maybe during that time something will change that will make the decision obvious. Either way, there's no use killing myself with stress trying to figure it out now.

So let's switch over to lighter subjects, shall we? The cats freaking love their new perch. They climb right up the side to get to the top, and sleep there all the time. It was clearly money well spent. Sam is doing well, but he's getting to be a big boy. I think I'm going to need to start separating the cats during their dry food meals to make sure they're both eating their own portions. Spencer is also well, if just a bit arthritic. He needs a nail trim soon, and I have (admittedly high) hopes of Scott and I doing it ourselves. Perhaps if we involve hotdogs or bacon it will be possible. Poor Marlowe continues to be vexed by minor health issues. It seems he's going to be headed back to the vet this week with more allergies. He's been a little squinty, and seems to be itchy. He chewed the crap out of his leg, and is now sporting a bald spot. Hopefully this is something that can be solved with some sort of kitty Benadryl. Quick innerweb research tells me itchy cats are usually reacting to seasonal allergies or mold. I'm doubting it's mold in his case as our house isn't all that old and hasn't had any major water damage or anything like that. I could also swear that his bad days would coincide with mine, but I didn't keep records or anything so who knows. Can cats eat honey? That's what's been helping me- local honey. Hm, perhaps I'll ask the vet.

A new BBQ place, Rib City, opened up nearby. We finally tried it out, but were sort of disappointed. The food wasn't bad, but not amazing either. It felt a lot like eating at a Steak 'n Shake (you have a server, but you're eating on plastic plates)- sort of a middle ground between fast food and sit-down restaurant. The biggest turn off was our server, who was pretty obviously stoned out of her freaking mind and severely annoying. I'm pretty sure she would have been mildly annoying but tolerable, had she not been so very, very high; but holy effing crap... We probably should have said something, but with food it's always sketchy. You don't want anyone spitting in your food. Instead we'll vote with our wallets and stick with Famous Dave's for our mediocre BBQ needs.

I'm chugging along on the current sock project, but my mind has been elsewhere. We had a few days of cool weather, and it got me excited about cold-weather knits: hats, mittens, sweaters, etc. I'd like to make myself some fingerless mitts for driving, and regular mittens for whatever. Then there's the plethora of sweaters that I have yarn for, but haven't started; and maybe a couple hats. We're also trying to whittle down our unnecessary spending, and knitting from the stash will both save money by spending less on yarn, and by essentially expanding/replacing my wardrobe for free. Next time a hoodie wears out, I'm not allowing myself to buy another. It must be knit!

If I can remember, I'm going to do the biannual airing of the stash this week. As more and more stinkbugs sneak into the house, I wonder what other sort of critters are getting in without my knowledge. I don't like using mothballs, so I might make more scented sachet like I did last year. Or I'll cave and stick my lovely yarn in zip-lock bags. Hopefully bags aren't necessary, since my wool is in the closed cabinet- I wouldn't call it bug-proof, but it's at least bug-resistant. In any case, the task will be considerably more difficult with the cats around. The little yarn thieves are not to be trusted. I will attempt to distract them with crinkly paper, but if it doesn't work I'm sure you'll read about it next time.

In Which I Never Learn

Wearing ponytails almost exclusively for the past year or so has really done a number on my hair. I think there may be additional things going on (crappy health, stress) that are contributing to that problem, but mostly I think it's the ponytails. I tried using only scrunchies, since they seemed to be more gentle, but I don't think it was helping. Since growing out my pixie cut, it's only been cut 1.5 times (the .5 was when I trimmed up the back myself when it was looking a bit mullet-esque). It was time for another cut to get rid of all the dead ends and the last of the dyed bits. I figured shoulder length should do it, but ultimately decided to go a bit shorter and toyed with the notion of bangs. Do I dare admit that what I wanted was a bob? I do. It was. Except no layers- I think that's where the stylists fuck me. They all seem to think layers will help, but they never do. I considered the fact that the cut I desired consisted of cutting one straight line, and decided that The Hair Cuttery would suffice. After all, even a shitty stylist should possess the scissory aptitude of a six year old, right?

Not so much, apparently.

It started out okay. I had brought a picture procured from the innerwebs to show the length I desired. I also pointed to the exact spot on my neck. I tried to be very clear, even though I probably wouldn't have cared if she was an inch off in either direction. I had brought a second picture to demonstrate the bangs I liked, but told her to leave that part out for now- I would prefer to decide at the end. She washed my hair and got to snipping.

Very quiet alarms sounded almost immediately. She was distracted. She had to walk away 3-4 times to help the receptionist with the register. She referred back to my picture and said, "Now this cut has very few layers, it's just a blunt cut..." "Yes!" I interjected, "I don't want any layers. Just straight across, please." She seemed dubious, but kept snipping away. About 3 minutes into the cut, she discovered during small talk that I was about a decade older than she thought. It's not uncommon, and most people are afraid they've offended me (they probably haven't), but this woman seemed sort of disturbed by it. As though I had somehow offended her. The alarms got louder. Our chit-chat grew awkward. Everything irked her: I've been married for 9 nears. My husband is a tattoo artist. I have a 16 year old stepdaughter, but don't really want babies. You'd think I was telling her how I like to punch kittens or throw rocks off overpasses. I chalked it up to personal differences, and let the conversation die. At that point she was ready to start blow drying my hair anyway.

As she dried, I noticed that one side was a little longer than the other. So did she, and she snipped off a little bit to even it out before blowing the ends under. I did not notice that she had overcompensated. At some point she said she had done something to the ends to "give it some movement." I wrongly assumed that she was talking about the little texturizing snippets I saw her making on the ends- THAT I would have been fine with. She finished blowing the ends under, but one side wanted to blow out instead of under. So she attempted to fix it with a flat iron. It didn't work. What it did do was make the ends of my hair L shaped. It seemed like she was having a long day, so I let it go thinking that at least the cut was even. She showed me the back, which looked fine blown under, and we were done. Wanting to just get out of there, I nixed the bangs, paid, and left.

I got home and went right up to the bathroom for a better look. I was, um, a little surprised. There were layers. They were only in back, and they made the back of my hair flip straight out- just like that loathsome bob I got back in 2008. What the fuck. Sometimes I think that maybe I never actually speak- I just hallucinate that I'm speaking. Because I vividly remembered saying, "No layers, just straight across." I turned my attention to my L shaped ends. That was an easy fix. I wet the ends so that I could re-dry them, and that's when I saw how uneven they were. The right was a solid 1/2" longer than the left in front. Remembering that she had cut my hair while it was parted in the center, but styled it parted on left, I thought that might be the cause. No dice. Moving my part simply moved the extra length to the other side. Fuuuuuck. This is why I don't get my hair cut very often.

My choices were further butchery at the hands of another stylist, or fix it myself. I opted to fix it myself. Using my dinky pair of hair scissors and a hand mirror, I did it. First I evened out the sides, then worked on the back. It turns out that she had also interpreted "straight across" as "slightly longer in the back," so eliminating the layers wasn't a problem. Once it was all cut, rinsed, and blow dried, I cut my bangs exactly how I wanted them- long and side swept. I did a surprisingly decent job. Here is the photographic evidence:

Hair I Wanted: (please show me where the layers are, because I can't see them)



















Bangs I Wanted:



















End Result:



















I don't know what that lady's problem was, but I'm never going back to Hair Cuttery again, no matter how simple my needs. Next time I think I want to do something basic enough for them, I'll just do it myself to begin with and use the money to buy more yarn.

Stupid Flying Time...

Last weekend Scott's Dad, stepmom, and aunt came for a visit to see Scott for his 40th birthday and to see DC. His aunt had never been here, so on their first day we went to the city. The rest of the long weekend was spent touring the greater DC area- dinners in Frederick, drives through the mountains, etc. It was nice to see the folks, and we were happy to see they're still doing well.

Work still drives me a little nutty, but it's been better since a new engineer-guy came along. I think he was hired to be an intermediary between the winders and our current boss, and to help out with fixing the machines and such. I love that he is not at all pushy or demanding- he's the sort of guy that would be good at teaching people to drive. I think having him around will spread out some of the stress we feel.

Not feeling like work is suffocating me has made me a little bit more productive this past week. I finally fixed our yellow accent wall by applying a faux finish to tone it down. No more McDonald's house! Hooray! Or, at least, partial Hooray... Scott isn't too thrilled with it, but he says he's okay with it. It's just a Mocha glaze sort of blotched on with a rag. I loves it, and I think it's nice for a small area. It's not something I'd want to see over an entire room. Here's a before (with Spencer) and after:



Poor Scott has another eyesore to deal with, in the form of a new kitty perch. The cats only had one small scratching post, and nowhere to climb, so when I saw this marked down at Petsmart I jumped on it:

They love it, and it keeps them from messing with the couch so much. They like having a new place to nap and climb, and it's conveniently located within curtain-destruction range. Plus they can keep an eye on whatever's going on at the dining room table. That seems to be important to them. I like that it has 3 scratching options: wood, sisal, and carpet, for all their scratching needs.

The cats and the dog also got a new water bowl this week. It turns out that Sam has a pretty intense attraction to his reflection on the side of the ceramic dish we had before. I kept waking up/coming home to the water bowl being 5 feet from it's normal location, and water all over the floor. Eventually I caught him... Sam would catch a reflection and pounce at the side of the dish, pushing it a few inches and causing the water to slosh over the side. He also had a weird fascination with sticking his feet under the plastic mat that the bowl was on. I never figured that part out. So anyway, Scott suggested this type of bowl, as it would probably be too heavy to move around. I wanted to get a fountain, but decided to try his idea first since it's way cheaper.

I also got a new mat- it's a bit sticky on the bottom, so it won't slide around, and it's absorbent (Sam also likes to stick his feet in the water before drinking, which can be bit messy). Both cats watch it fill when I clean it, so they like that it's "moving" water- I guess they see it as less stagnant? And it's matte on the outside, so there's no reflection. It hasn't budged since I put it down, and I haven't had to clean up any big puddles of water. As an added bonus, the cats really like when big bubbles form in the water jug. Or they're alarmed. It's hard to say.

On the knitting front, my mojo is coming back slowly but surely. I finished a pair of socks for my brother-in-law, and started a matching pair for his wife. I just need to wash them up and ship them out! His wife's pair will be a lovely sort of Spring green, which I hope will bring a little color into her otherwise soon-to-be-dreary Wisconsin Winter (where she has temporarily relocated from sunny California).

After that, I don't know what will be next. Maybe finish Ludivine? Maybe a sweater? Mittens? A scarf? Who knows! But whatever it is, it will be mine mine mine mine mine. Mine. I enjoy knitting for others, but sometimes I miss knitting for me.

Special Birthday Dinner

Yesterday was Scott's 40th birthday. He didn't want to take the day off work, since it's Labor Day weekend (and therefore likely to be busy), but he'll have off several days next weekend when his Dad and step-mom are coming to visit. Still, I wanted to do something nice for him on his actual birthday... in the form of a huge meal. Normally, I'm not much of a cook... I tend to cook in the tradition of my mother, which means everything comes out of a box. Scott, however, grew up amongst Italians and the super awesome food that comes with them. Several years ago I had attempted to make meatballs and sauce from scratch, and it ended rather tragically with mushy meatballs and sauce that was edible but not great. I thought maybe I would try again for his birthday, going all out with sauce from scratch, meatballs, sausage, garlic bread, and a dessert.

I broke down my day into 4 Objectives: 1. Find recipes and make a shopping list 2. Do the shopping (for both Scott's gift and dinner) 3. Make the dessert 4. Make the sauce.

Objective 1. I saw that one of us (neither of us remember doing it) bookmarked a recipe for sauce online. It goes into great detail, and includes a recipe for the meatballs, and the same site has a recipe for garlic bread, too. I decided to go with it. For the dessert, I chose Coffee Cake- Literally from the Pioneer Woman website. I went through both recipes, noted what I'd need to pick up, and moved on to my Second Objective.

Objective 2. I asked Scott several times what he'd like for his birthday to no avail. His recent de-cluttering kick was rather inconveniently timed, it seemed. But like any good wife, I ignored his requests for "nothing" and "just to spend time with you," and went where I knew I couldn't fail: the knife store. Edgeworks is in downtown Frederick, and every time we're downtown we stop in. We've been talking about getting a nice Santoku knife for a while, but never got around to it. He really admired the Shuns, so that's what I got. It is an incredibly sexy knife, and makes our other knives look like crap by comparison.


My next stops included the liquor store for Chianti and the grocery store. The guy at the liquor store steered me toward a bottle of Chianti that he said was good (I don't drink wine, so I'm no good at picking them). The grocery store was, well, the grocery store. I'm sure you've seen them.

Objective 3. Back at home, I got to work on the dessert. It was about 2pm. I had to time all this out just right in order for it to be ready when Scott got home at 10:15, which could be tricky. Of course, being me, I would fine a way to throw a wrench or two in the works. Like when I was confident there were two cups each of flour and sugar in the canisters but it turned out to be slightly less in both cases, and resulted in my having to run back to the grocery store; and how I would have needed to go back anyways because I managed to forget to buy any pasta for dinner. Luckily, the dessert took less time to make than I planned for, and I got back on track. The coffee frosting is the best part of this cake. I just want to eat it by the spoonful, it's so good. I mean, coffee, sugar, butter, cream, salt... what's not to love? I had looked for a little tube of brown frosting (for the writing) at the store, but the closest I could get was chocolate frosting meant for brownies. It turns out that it's even better. Just check out that lettering...


And the coffee/chocolate combo is always a winner in my book. I couldn't really think of anything filthy to say. I know, I'm a little disappointed in me, too. But I didn't want to write anything mean, and everything I thought of just seemed a little tired. Cuntflap? Done it. Lewd stick figures? Check. Dick jokes? Played out. I just went with "goofy" instead. Blame my soul-sucking job for my lack of creativity. The cake is really good- it's dense, and reminded us a bit of carrot cake. I'm eating it right now. Mmmmmm...

Objective 4. This was the scary part. In preparation, I fed the pets, walked the dog, and put the cats in the bedroom upstairs. With the sauce needing to be stirred every three minutes, I couldn't take any chances with pet hijinks. I had cheated a little, and chopped the onion while the cake was baking. My biggest pitfall with cooking is that I don't know how to properly chop things, and tend to be overly systematic about it, which means that it takes me half an hour to mince an onion. I also did the dishes, peeled the garlic, opened the wine, and put the diced tomatoes through the blender (Scott doesn't like chunky sauce). By the time I was ready to start cooking, it was about 4:30.

The first two hours were brutal. The constant stirring really challenged my poor sense of time, but I somehow managed NOT to burn it. For the meatballs, I used my meatloaf recipe (which Scott had said would make great meatballs), but made a couple of changes to make them a bit more Italian- like subbing Chianti for the Worcestershire sauce. I did follow the recipe's directions for cooking them, but browned them in our cast iron skillet since we don't use non-stick cookware. I did not make the Braciole, but did throw in the package of Italian sausage. Around 9:30, it seemed like it was done, so I let the sauce rest as suggested while I jumped in the shower, let the cats out, and walked the dog again. At 10:00, I started the water for the pasta and got to work on the garlic bread.


The recipe for the garlic bread seemed a little involved, so I simplified it a bit. I cut two 5-6" lengths of Italian bread, and halved them. I spread on a mixture of softened butter (one stick), 4 cloves of pressed garlic, about a 1/4 tsp of garlic powder, and a couple tsp of Italian seasoning. Then I baked them for about 10 minutes at 350, and broiled them for about 5 minutes until they were nice and toasty.

Once the pasta was finished, we ate. A lot. It was a total success, worthy of my wonderful husband's birthday. I hope that he had a great birthday, and that there are at least another 40 left in him. He really is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don't even want to think about what life would be like without him. I love you, Husband!

Ahhh, it was so nice to have some nice weather for a while! All of my knitting mojo came flooding back as soon as the temperature dropped below 85. I want to knit, but as usual, I'm more inspired to start new projects than finish those already in the works. I've got ideas for a couple of bags, and I want to do some mittens and scarves for this winter, and there are cardigans and pullovers and hats and socks and maybe a cozy for Scott's french press... You can see my conundrum.

Right now I am trying to stay up to date with the mystery shawl, and mostly succeeding. I think I'm halfway through Clue 5, and this Wednesday will bring Clue 7. That's not too far behind. I'm also chugging along on a pair of socks for my brother-in-law that are going well so far. I'm past the heels, so it shouldn't be too much longer before they're done. Then I'll start another pair for his wife, which will probably be more interesting (hooray lace!), and I love the light green color I picked for her.

Work was okay the past week. The new guy started, and he seems nice. Now we just have to see if he can wind. Next week we have some sort of audit going on, and I'm sure it will be a total nightmare. It's only two days long though, so that's what I keep repeating in my head. Two days. Just two days and then it's over.

I may have come up with a great idea for my knitty tattoo, but I can't tell you about it because I'll jinx it. I've had quite a few ideas, but the real trouble is where to put them. Scott is picky because he has to look at them all the time, and we both want them to be in flattering places. Plus I'm trying to consider future tattoos at the same time, though that might be futile. I'd like to do a sleeve and a big back piece, but I don't think Scott wants to do them. He seems much more keen on doing large pieces on other people, and I don't know if it's because he doesn't like the way it will look on me, or that he thinks I won't sit well for it, or what. Part of me thinks I could just save my pennies and have it done by someone else, but I don't want anyone else to do it. And I'm sure doing that would make Scott feel shitty- if he asked some other knitter to make him a pair of socks, it would probably bum me out. But if he asked the other knitter after asking me for several years and getting nowhere, would that then be okay? I don't know. It still feels like cheating to me. I think I'm just stuck, which is a little disappointing, but it's not the end of the world.

I did a phenomenal job cleaning out the closet in my knitty room last weekend. Scott has sold (or is selling) all his bikes and replaced them with one monster motorcycle (2008 BMW R1200GS). With only one bike, we won't need the storage space anymore, so everything in storage will be moving back in the house. This means reorganizing, and my closet was first on the list. I dropped off a big bag of yarn remnants at a local retirement home, and I have a small pile of things to drop off at Goodwill. Mostly the closet just needed to be rearranged to use the space more efficiently.

Once that was done, I had room to stick the Jeep's backseat in there. I find the backseat is a cumbersome pain in the ass, more than anything, and prefer to not have it in the Jeep. When it's in the normal position, there is hardly any storage space; and if you tumble it forward (to get the storage space), it forms a little wall behind the front seats. That makes it awkward for two adults to get into the front seats and put their bags into the back without beaning each other in the head. It's also loads easier to get the top up and down without it, and you can keep all the windows in back and still have room for groceries. All I had to do was get the sucker out of the Jeep and upstairs into the house. Which I did. Eventually.

It turns out that it's a lot easier to move the backseat about 15 feet into a ground-level storage space, than it is to get it up a full flight of stairs 30 feet away. And that just gets it into the house. Getting to the knitty closet means another set of stairs. Well, I managed to haul the backseat up to the front door, one step at a time, with only minor injuries (mostly a hand chewed up by a metal bracket). It stayed there overnight, and today I dragged it (literally) inside and upstairs to the knitty room. I don't think I pulled anything, and I have that super invincible feeling that comes from proving someone wrong (*coughScottcough*). Nyah!

Two Weeks

It's been an unusually eventful two weeks! It started two Fridays ago (July 30th), when I came home to find Marlowe limping about. We rushed to the vet to find out that it wasn't anything serious- probably a sprain or other soft tissue damage. Once kitty was loaded with painkillers and steroids, I made my way to Sewing With Jen At Sandy's. Jen from the local knitting meet-up showed a handful of us how to make these very cute and handy project bags. I loves them.

The next day was my friend Katie's baby shower, which was lovely. I especially liked the parts where I did not have to guess how many squares of toilet paper would wrap around her belly, and how most of the gifts were knit or otherwise handmade (all the guests were from her knitting groups). But let me tell you... that Rio group is freaking prolific. Downright intimidating, even. Part of me thinks I should start showing up there in hopes that their mad skillz can be transferred through some sort of osmosis, but part of me is much too afraid of failure. And most of me is too lazy to drive that far. Anyhoo, I made this for her from the softest cotton I have ever felt (Universal Yarns Cotton Supreme Batik in Watermelon Patch):



The work week was typical (dull yet frustrating), and then last weekend Cass came out for a visit. I drove out Saturday morning to pick her up at BWI, only to discover that she flew into Dulles. That was super. Chalk that up as another reason that I should not be allowed to procreate. An hour later, I collected her at the correct airport, and we made our way back to Frederick.

Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon we hung out while Scott was at work. We watched Netflix stuff, drove through my favorite creek, and sewed bags (I'm a sewer!). Sunday we had dinner (with Scott, off work by that time) at the Mediterranean place in town. Monday we all drove down to Skyline Drive in VA where we saw a black bear dart across the road! Sadly, we were too slow to get a picture of him. Then we went to Chick-Fil-A (Cass never had it before)(omg waffle fries!). Tuesday we hung out in Baltimore. We went through the National Aquarium, Cass had Maryland crab at J. Paul's, and we saw a big military ship in the harbour. It was a really great visit!







Wednesday, Scott dropped her at the (correct) airport, and I met up with him later at the tattoo shop. We finished my second rose- finally! And I think there are going to be discussions about what's next- probably the Husband Tattoo, possibly also a knitty sort of tattoo. Decisions, decisions...



On the way home, we stopped at Windy City Red Hots in Leesburg. We were skeptical, but you can, in fact, get decent Chicago food there! They are totally legit- according to their website, a couple from Chicago opened the place after not being able to find any Chicago food in the DC area. Scott and I agreed that the hot dogs are good, and Scott says the Italian Beef is good too- just be sure to order it with extra gravy. I think I'm going to try the chili cheese dog next time. We will probably eat there at least once a week until we move or die.

I've also been working on the Ludivine Mystery Knit-a-long. It's going well so far I think. I wasn't happy with the way I started it, so I ripped it and started again. The second time, I wanted the edge of the garter stitch bit to match the slipped-stitch edge of the shawl, so I slipped the first stitches on just that one side as I knit it. It's not perfect, but I think it looks neater.

So that's the past two weeks in a nutshell. Oh, and Marlowe is fine now, by the way. The poor little guy is like Bill the Cat- it seems like there's always something wrong with him!

So Very Much

In the last post, I had dropped off my sewing machine for repairs. Well, that didn't go so great. The repair guy wanted $150 to fix it (understandable seeing as how he'd need to completely disassemble the machine), and that was a bit much for me. I said "Thanks, but no thanks," let him keep it, and bought a new one- for almost exactly $150. Practicality beats sentimentality every time at our house.

I bought a Brother CS6000i from Amazon, and finally tried it out today. I loves it. It features 60 stitches, a drop-in bobbin, and automatic buttonholes; and it came with almost every available accessory. This afternoon I pulled out some junk fabric and thread, and played around a bit. It was ridiculously easy to use. Apologies for the lack of contrast- I just grabbed the first thread I saw, and didn't think about photo quality. The sketchy bit in the center is a buttonhole.

Two knit-nights ago, I learned about the Shalimar Yarns mystery knit-a-long... with mystery yarn! Naturally, I signed up and bought my mystery yarn kit. It arrived yesterday, and it is very lovely- I will refrain from saying anything else about it, to protect those who haven't seen it yet. Mystery!

Yesterday, my friend Maria and I had an awesome mini yarn crawl in Virginia. We first stopped at Needles in the Haymarket. It's a nice store, with a table to sit and knit at, and the ladies there were super friendly. Next we swung by Hunt Country Yarns in The Plains, where it took every ounce of self-restraint to not buy the qiviut or cashmere. Another nice store with a nice selection, and Maria and I agreed the The Plains is a super cute little town. Then it was back in the Jeep for a two hour trek to the next store on our list: the Massanutten Hookery.

Admittedly, we felt we had to visit the Massanutten Hookery mostly because it is called the Massanutten Hookery. I think we were both picturing a much larger shop, but the owner was nice and they had a decent selection for the space. It's part of Skyline Cafe and Art, so you can also browse jewelery, pottery, candles, and other things that may or may not have the Confederate flag emblazoned on them. The coffee at the cafe is awesome. At the Hookery, I got some hemp yarn from Plymouth Yarn called Grass. I really wish I had a shirt that said, "I bought Grass at the Massanutten Hookery."

Later, back in Frederick, I went solo to the big sale at Eleganza. I picked up some Shalimar Zoe Sock in two colors that seemed Christmasy to me. Maybe I'll stripe them together and make Christmas socks or a stocking.

And these four colors are going to become my new lunch bag. I'm thinking I'll do wide stripes with the yellow, blue and pink; then thin stripes of the green in between. I bought some bright green Pleather to line it with, and I think it'll be awesome.

Now the fun weekend is over, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. I hate work more and more with each day. I liked it better when I just did the same stupid thing every day, and the boss asked and answered all the questions. Now I have to think and do stuff and be challenged and it sucks. My hand and brain hurt from straining to figure out new patterns, people are always in the lab messing stuff up, and it keeps getting worse. I think I found that point where money ceases to buy happiness. Blargh. I keep wondering when we'll be able to move to Virginia so that I can quit my job to become a crazy survivalist housewife.

Super Un-Genius

A few weeks ago I tried to sew a simple pocket for my Jeep windows. I had some denim fabric, heavy-duty thread, a sewing machine, and a small amount of sewing knowledge retained from a junior high home economics class. I gathered these things in our spare bedroom, away from the dog and cats, and set to work. The fabric was long enough that I could just cut it to the width of the windows (plus a bit for ease), fold it, and sew up each side, leaving a little flap at the top. I even thought I might add a button closure so the windows wouldn’t slide out.

I cut the fabric, pinned the first edge, and set up the machine. The thread was too thick for the needle, so I changed it and moved on. As soon as I started sewing, everything went awry. The machine kept eating the bobbin thread, and the tension seemed to be off no matter what I set it to. I would go 6 inches, and the needle thread would break. I would finish a seam, only to find out the bobbin thread was nowhere to be found. It seemed like I tried everything, and nothing helped. In the end, I was so frustrated that I actually sewed the edges wrong- I had created the flap on opposite sides (creating two triangular flaps- front left and rear right). Awesome. Too irritated to rip it out and do it right, I just said, “Fuck it.” and stuck my windows in it anyway.

Adding to my woe, I was convinced that I had destroyed my sewing machine with a combination of poor maintenance and heavy duty thread. Normally this wouldn’t be all that distressing- I’d just chuck it and buy a new one. It’s my way. Except that this particular machine was Scott’s first Christmas gift to me. I didn’t want to let it go that easily. Naturally, I turned to the internet for help.

First I found a few places nearby that offered sewing machine repair services. The one shop that listed a price wanted $90. I could only assume that covered labor only, and it seemed a little steep. My next Google search was (and this is where things get really interesting): “how to fix your own sewing machine.”

The first result I read warned to check your needle- that 9 out of 10 times, sewing machine malfunction is due to an improperly inserted needle. Pssht. As if that applied to me. I clicked on. The next result was from eHow, and it was so deliciously simple that it HAD to be right. It instructed me to remove the plastic bits, vacuum out the lint and any wayward thread, oil some bits, and grease others. Replace plastic bits. I cackled manically to myself as I thought about how I was going to save tens of dollars with my brilliant plan!

Yesterday, I went to the hardware store to get the oil and white lithium grease I’d need. “This is so freaking awesome,” I thought on the way home. “I’m going to fix my own machine for less than $7!” My next thought was that I HAD to blog this. I would stun a very small group of family and fellow knitters with my mechanical prowess, and the prideful high would last for weeks. Maybe even months! Well, I will amaze you… but mostly with my vast stupidity.


I gathered all the items necessary for my little project, and took a photo. It’s rare that I realize a golden blogging opportunity before it actually happens, and I wanted to document it well. But before I started, I wanted to test the machine. I had some cotton fabric and standard thread- I wondered if maybe it was just the heavier fabric and thread that had been a problem. As I changed needles once again, I thought back to that first website. A quick glance in the manual told me that I was, in fact, an idiot. The needle was in backwards. After putting it in correctly, the machine ran without breaking either thread. The tension still seemed a bit wonky, though, and that was the only nudge I needed to continue on my quest to crack that sucker open. It turns out I had grown highly curious of how a sewing machine works, and really wanted to open it up.

On I went, taking photos along the way. Not knowing how exactly all these plastic parts come off, and not having a manual that goes much beyond needle insertion and bobbin winding, I guessed. I took out screws where it seemed like it might do something. Eventually I got a panel off the bottom, and one off the side. Something in the back of my mind told me to stop before I got into trouble, but I ignored it. 30 seconds later, I was unscrewing the bit that apparently holds the tension wheel in place when shit hit the fan.


First, the tension wheel sprang out before I could get a good look at how it was in there, so that I could put it back correctly. I knew that was a problem, but kept going anyway. Still trying to figure out how to get the main plastic cover off, I sighted a screw near the bobbin winder. It was the auto-cutoff bit, and it looked to me like it might hold a secret… Unfortunately it’s secret was a bolt on the end of the nut I removed, which dropped into the shadowy world inside the machine (which I was still so desperate to expose) as I unscrewed it. I shook the machine, and heard it rattle around a bit. Idea! I could just shake it out! I shook the machine feverishly over the kitchen table, straining to hear a sound that might be a small nut hitting the table. Nothing. I shook it at every angle, until eventually it lodged itself into a cozy corner of the machine never to be heard again.

That’s when I realized I was in way over my head. The little nut was probably stuck in a gear somewhere, ready to do some serious damage in retaliation for all that shaking about. Not wanting to risk unscrewing anything more, and having no other options, I began to put the machine together as best I could. Most of it went fine- I had smartly labeled all the pieces. But that damned little tension wheel gave me a lot of grief. It probably took me 45 minutes to get that sucker back in, and it still didn’t go in right. Something like 27 little pieces need to be coordinated just so in order to screw it back in place. Freaking impossible.

Today I called a couple places about repairs. I asked about their prices and turnaround time, and the cheapest and fastest was a place in Gaithersburg on East Diamond. I had the address from the innerwebs, and at lunch I headed over. Except when I got to the address, I saw only auto shops. Confused and thinking maybe they had moved, I called from a nearby parking lot. It turns out the guy who fixes sewing machines is an auto mechanic. The garage is the right place. Okay then! A couple of minutes later, a very nice man covered in motor oil took my machine, and tried not to laugh at me when I explained my situation. He said he’ll call when it’s done. I’m crossing my fingers.

The House List

This is the list of things (some very specific, some general) that I want to have in our "forever home." Keep in mind that part of our criteria is a house on a large piece of land (at least a few acres), with the house centrally located on the property to ensure that our house doesn't wind up 10 feet away from the neighbor's house (or too close to the street, in case road noise becomes an issue in the future). We'd also like the property to be on a mountain, if possible. Ok, that said... on to the list!



1. An off-road trail (if the property is big enough)

2. Lots of mature trees, several of which shade the house- but not too old (as to fall on the house)

3. No standing water (like a pond) on the property (mosquitoes!), running water okay

4. Possibly a concrete home, or log home

5. Basement

6. Lots of storage space

7. Laundry area in basement or in out of the way area (not near bedrooms or living room)

8. Double-hung windows

9. Ceiling fans all over the place

10. Screened deck/porch with ceiling fan(s)

11. Fireplace(s)

12. 2 bedrooms- master and guest

13. 2 full bathrooms

14. 1-2 car attached garage or carport

15. Detached garage or barn

16. 2 areas for Scott and I to have our own space- a knitting area and a man cave

17. One of those instant hot water heaters (as opposed to the usual big tank type)

18. Large, eat-in/country kitchen or dining area next to kitchen, only one eating area

19. Generous counter space

20. 2 ovens

21. Pantry

22. Mud room between garage and house

23. Private well and septic system

24. Solar panels

25. Compost heap

26. Clothesline

27. Greenhouse

28. Chicken coop

29. Hidden safe, bolted in place

30. Fire pit

31. Brick BBQ

32. Giant garden

33. Metal roof

34. Bomb shelter/tornado bunker

35. Master bedroom on the North or East side of the house (afternoon sun = hot room!)



Of course, a lot of the list is negotiable; and the whole list goes out the window if we can get our hands on an old church with a cemetery on the grounds. Spooky! And there is a lot of crazy crap that I'd like to put on the list, but unless we fall into a few million bucks it's not realistic stuff (think secret passageways and moving walls).

Oddities

I was reviewing the blog and noticed that my links are all bad. I don't know why, and I'm sorry if it created any confusion or inconvenience. It looks like my old way of editing HTML no longer works. What a pain in the ass. From now on I'll just use the special little hyperlink button Blogger provides. Truth be told, I'm not completely happy with Blogger- I'm considering changes! Maybe my own website? It will depend on how nutty I want to get with my little blog. Perhaps that's something I will look into once I go back to housewifery and have more time on my hands.

I have a funny little anecdote: The cats kept scratching at the door early this morning, so I got up and placed our two laundry baskets in front of our door to block them, in hopes that I could get a little more sleep. Later, the (undeterred) cats were back to scratching at the door. Scott walks over, opens the door, but sees only two laundry baskets. He looks at me and says, "I think the laundry baskets are hungry." Lolz.

Friday night after knitting, I put all the windows back on the Jeep, in preparation for a much-needed rain. Once the rain cleared up Saturday morning, I went out to run some errands. I got in the Jeep and noticed quite a bit of rain had gotten in on the passenger side. I walked around for a better look, and I might as well have not put the window in at all on that side. Water, water, everywhere! I think that I didn't seat the upper door/window all the way into the lower door, which caused it to not seal. I have rubber tray-style floor mats, which caught a good amount of the rain, but I still had to pull up the carpet and pull the two plugs to drain the rest of the water.

I toweled of the floor, carpet, door, dash, and console as best I could, then ran my errands with the carpet still pulled up in hopes that it would dry a bit. After a few hours, it was dry enough that I felt okay about putting the plugs back and refitting the carpet. This morning the carpet was still a bit damp in a couple spots, so the Jeep is now opened up- hopefully the fresh air and heat will finish drying it out.

When I went out to put the top down, I decided to try out the Sunrider sunroof. For those not in the know, the newer Jeep soft tops have the option to only partially fold the top back, creating a sort of sunroof. I never did it before because I didn't really see the point. And now that I've tried it, I still don't really see the point. I guess it's a nice option if there's a lot of rain off and on in the forecast, and you don't want to keep taking the top down and/or windows off; but it sort of feels like I'm just half-assing it.

This past week Scott and I did a bit of planning for emergencies. Scott gets very excited about the idea of surviving epic disasters and living in a post-apocalyptic world, and loves planning for such an event. He gathered everything we would need for a "Go Kit." This is the kit we would take if a bomb hit DC. It assumes we will need to leave in a matter of minutes, and may never be able to come back. I also made a little emergency kit for my Jeep. We are nearly adequately prepared for almost any sort of disaster.

By the way, fellow Fredneckians... If a nuclear bomb hits the DC area, we're totally screwed. Don't bother running. You'd have to be at least 160 miles or so away for the fallout not to kill you, and 250 miles away before you'd only feel mild effects. At only 30 miles from the beltway, we'll be dead in hours. Sorry!

Once we move to our dream house, we plan on becoming as self-sufficient as possible. I've been adding to that whole list of insane things we want to do/make/have. It's insane enough to make me worry about getting raided by the ATF or FBI, with our property being referred to as a "compound" on the news. Ha. I'll put the list in another post-it's too long to put here. While a nuclear blast will still kill us in the area we'd be in (an hour or less from Manassas), I think we could be ready for something like a small (non-nuclear) electromagnetic pulse event, or even just really severe weather. Yeah, I know. Scott's crazy is rubbing off on me.

Finally (on a non-crazy note), I'm working on that sweater from the last post, and so far so good. I'm into the main body now, and it should go relatively quickly with the worsted yarn. I'm also thinking 3/4 sleeves. It will be a nice transitional top for the Spring and Fall. Pictures later, when it's more identifiable.

One Month Later...

First off, I want to say FUCK HEAT. No really- heat can go screw. I hate it. It's heavy and oppressive, and there's nothing you can do about it. Scott says that if we moved somewhere cold, I'd just start bitching about the cold... the grass is always greener and all that. I'm not sure he's right. Perhaps if we lived where it was cold all the time, but I think I'd be pretty happy in a place that was always just about 10 degrees cooler than Frederick.

But it seems more likely that in a couple of years we'll be living in Virginia, closer to the tattoo shop. Hopefully we can find a piece of property on a mountain, in the woods, where it might be a bit cooler. With my job becoming more and more of a pain in my ass, I've been daydreaming a lot about the day when I get to quit my job and be a housewife again (in an actual house with a yard). I've been keeping a list of things I'll do- garden, bake, etc. Granted, there's no guarantee that I'll change my lazy ways, but it's fun to think about.

I've also been keeping a list of things I'd like to have in our "forever house." I think Scott and I are both hoping that the next house we buy will be the last house we buy (at least until retirement). We're hoping to get a small to medium sized house on a huge chunk of land- with the house right in the middle so the neighbors are all far away! My list includes some things that will need to exist on whatever property we purchase (mature trees, basement), and some things that we can add on later (greenhouse, chicken coop, solar panels). I also keep meaning to start a scrapbook of sorts containing photos and pressed leaves of plants I want on the property. And that is something I really should get started on, because it will take a full year to see what looks good during each season.

In the meantime, it's life as usual. Scott and I started watching the first season of X-files on Netflix recently. It's strange to think that it's almost 20 years old. I remember watching it as a kid, on the TV in the basement for full spooky effect. Back then I had a crush on Mulder/David Duchovny... Not so much anymore.

Knitting has been slow-going. I haven't worked on much since finishing the blanket. I did finally finish a pair of socks that I started back in uh... March? They came out pretty well, but I accidentally worked the heels over a different number of stitches, so they are not exactly identical like I'd hoped. The yarn is Knitting Fever Indulgence, and it has sadly been discontinued according to Ravelry. It's a buttery soft 75% merino/25% nylon blend, and it was great to knit with. I hope the softness won't equate to wearing poorly.


I think I might start working on one of my UFOs- a top-down sweater in SWTC Therapi. I started it quite a while ago (even before the socks) and it's only about halfway through the raglan increases. Maybe I can make some decent progress this weekend.

I'm pretty stoked about this weekend. I've got Monday off, which rocks; Scott has tomorrow off, which also rocks; and I've got two slabs of ribs marinating in the fridge which rocks extra hard. I really, really hope my marinade doesn't suck. I sort of pieced it together based on two different recipes and what I had to work with. One was a fruity bourbon thing, but Scott is not really into fruity meat, so I used part of a beer-based marinade too... It's basically bourbon, honey, soy sauce, a splash of Worcestershire sauce, one garlic clove and 1/2 of a Vidalia onion. It could be awesome, or it could be horrible. Who knows? I'm going to let it sit overnight, turn the pieces in the morning, and bake them in the late afternoon- nice and slow. I'll be dumping copious amounts of BBQ sauce on them as they bake, so the marinade may not even play a huge role in this. Then a few minutes under the broiler should finish them off nicely. There will also be potato salad (made this afternoon) and corn. Yay, food!

That's it for today, kids. I hope you have (or had) a great weekend! Happy Fourth of July! Go America, and other such sentiments!

The baby blanket is done.


I finished it yesterday, and washed it, and took a picture, and now I just have to call my old boss so he can come pick it up. Knitting through the better part of four skeins of Homespun is almost enough to make a girl go crazy. Now that it's done, I can move on with my year of knitting for ME. I'm not sure what I'll knit first, but I'd like to finish my current pair of socks and maybe even work on the Bohus for a while.

As a reward for finishing, I bought a hank of Shalimar Zoe Sock in the Saffron colorway for some sunshiny socks. While I was at Eleganza, I also got a couple books on sale (Bag Style and a Noro booklet) and the new Early Fall Vogue Knitting. Hooray for surprise sales!

I think Marlowe's arse is feeling a little better. He's been eating a special Royal Canin wet food and Hill's Prescription dry food- both mixed with a bit of rice, and he's still getting the pro-biotic. This morning I noticed his poo was more poo-shaped than before, so that's progress. On a comical note: Scott left his check out for me to deposit Saturday morning, and when I went to grab it, I noticed that a certain stinky kitty left a little poo smear right over the written amount. I made a joke about the bank not accepting checks for "poo thousand dollars" and laughed at my clever little witticism all day. It almost makes up for how gross it is.

My allergies are getting a bit out of hand this year. Last year, I had to go to the eye doctor because my eyes were so jacked up. She gave me some ridiculously expensive eye drops and had me use a better contact lens solution. A few months ago, they switched me to daily disposable lenses (so there's no build-up) to see if that would help. The answer turned out to be no. Yesterday I started using the eye drops again, and I've been experimenting with different OTC allergy meds for my sneezing and sniffles. Claritin does nothing for me, Benadryl knocks me flat on my ass, but Zyrtec seems to hit a sweet spot. The full 10mg pill still makes me a little sleepy, but a friend suggested taking just half so that's what I'm trying now. Ugh, it's almost enough to make me want to run back to Illinois- where I never had seasonal allergies.

It will be so nice to have the extra day off tomorrow. Plus all next week my coworker will be on vacation. I hope the week will be as quiet and productive as I think. But by "quiet" I mean free from her incessant questions, her annoying cell phone ringtones, and her frequent loud phone conversations- not necessarily literally devoid of any noise. I plan on blasting metal as loud as I can get away with while I work.

Ok, I've had enough computer time for now. I need to go knit something.

Quickie

Just a quick update while the pizza's in the oven...

I am very nearly done with that damned baby blanket. It is likely that if I ever look at Homespun yarn again, I will throw up on it. On purpose. Anyway, I am two garter ridges and a bind-off away from being done. Then I can wash it and send it off to my old boss. Nice.

I hate my coworker. Like a whole lot. I'm sure it's just temporary, and soon I will go back to being okay with her, but right now... I could strangle her and not lose any sleep over it. Luckily, she has taken next week off, so I will get a much needed break from her stupidity.

The cat's butt still isn't quite right. It went like this: I found he had some sketchy poop back on the Friday the 7th. On Monday, when it didn't clear up with a bit of rice over the weekend, I called the vet. Brought him in Tuesday the 11th. He was given a week's worth of antibiotics. By the 18th, it still wasn't gone so I called back. They said to give him plain rice and boiled chicken. A few days later, it still hadn't cleared up. I called the following Friday, and they said to come pick up a probiotic to add to his food. Got that Saturday the 22nd. Yesterday I noticed that his poop was looking even a little worse than before. Called vet again, brought him in today. Learned that the probiotic will take about two weeks to kick in, and was given special food in case it's an allergy. Yeesh. I feel so bad for the little guy. Luckily, his funky poo isn't as bad as it could be- he's still only going once or twice a day, and it's not totally explosive diarrhea. He even gained a third of a pound since his last visit to the vet. Hopefully the probiotic and the new food will do the trick. Right now he is super pissed at me for dragging him to the vet, though. He's been sulking upstairs ever since we got home (except for dinner time, of course).

Everything else is pretty much the same. Pizza's ready, gotta go.

Part 2 of 2

As promised, here is the big work update. A few interesting things were brought to light recently, so I want to start the story back at the end of 2009 and do this chronologically.

As the end of 2009 rolled around, Optelecom knew it was in trouble. They were losing money, and had to face some tough decisions. Eventually, the choice was made to shut down the manufacturing department in the US (keeping the one in Europe), but that would still cost them a lot of money in severance. In order to cover that cost, they decided to sell my tiny department to Nufern, who had expressed an interest in acquiring the department at some point earlier in time.

The president of Nufern had to sell this idea to the parent company and his board of directors. After what I imagine was a lot of sweet talking, they agreed, and he brought an offer to Optelecom. It seemed that Optelecom had a way to make a horrible situation much less awful- three jobs would be saved, and the rest would get comfortable severance packages to soften the blow. But it wouldn't be that easy.

Quick side note: One might assume anyone with a tiny bit of common sense would know that everything in business has a budget. You don't need an MBA to realize that Nufern had a specific dollar amount that they were willing to spend on this acquisition, and that somebody with a fancy financial degree had spent a lot of time analyzing the various aspects of the transaction to arrive at this number. Pretty obvious, right? Ok, continuing on...

It was now January. Nufern had made their offer to Optelecom, and the next step was to get the head of the department on board. Nufern decided to offer my Old Boss an employment contract. It would put his salary, benefits, and obligations on paper. Everything would be clearly laid out for everyone's benefit. I don't know the specifics of what his contract said, but I understand it was nearly identical (except for the numbers, of course) to the one they would eventually offer me.

They brought Old Boss in, and told him Nufern wanted to buy the department. Optelecom could not at that time mention anything about the situation with manufacturing, so all he knew was that Optelecom wanted to get rid of the department. This should not have come as a shock. The company had been moving farther and farther away from fiber products, leaving us in the dust. We were the red-headed stepchild of the company, and we knew the new CEO had very little interest in us. But for whatever reason, he balked. How could they do this!? He worked there for over 20 years! He was livid. He read over the contract, but instead of seeing it as a small bit of security, he saw it as some sort of stranglehold.

Old Boss became severely defensive, and told them he wanted to consult a lawyer- not a crazy request by any means. But Optelecom was looking to make this deal quickly since they knew the layoffs would need to happen soon, and they wanted to give people as much notice as possible. Unfortunately, Old Boss had no way of knowing this, and decided to take his time. He consulted a lawyer and later told me that the lawyer had told him Optelecom was desperate, and reminded him that contracts are negotiable. Now, I don't know if this was also legal advice or if it was something he inferred, but Old Boss decided to exploit that little fact.

Old Boss apparently demanded a pretty incredible amount of money. Like a really huge amount. Nobody has mentioned what that amount was, but I get the distinct idea that it was obscene. It's true that he was a pretty valuable asset, but I think he regarded himself as absolutely irreplaceable. I also think that he came off as super arrogant to Nufern, and put himself in a bad light. Nufern came back with a counter offer, and he refused. They tried again, he refused again. It was his way or the highway. Nufern, now frustrated and angry, chose the highway.

It was late March when Nufern pulled their offer. They were furious. Old Boss left them with no choice but to go back to their parent company and board of directors with the bad news, and hope they could fix it. Optelecom was running out of time, and had no money for severance packages. Everybody looked bad. It was a mess.

Eventually Nufern came back with a new offer, much to Optelecom's relief. Old Boss was specifically excluded in the deal, and because they were not getting him, they offered a lot less this time. I don't think Optelecom had a choice but to accept their offer.

It seems to me like Old Boss didn't really think his choices through at all. I don't think he intended to screw everyone over, but that's what would have happened. Remember that Side Note above? Well, if Old Boss had gotten what he wanted, there would have been less in the pot to go around- I certainly would have been out of a job, and probably my coworker too. I know he was partly upset about the idea of having to relocate, but there is nothing that says we have to. The worst case scenario: work for Nufern until it's time to move, use that time to think about the next job. Now he has no job, no raise, no bonuses, nothing. And if Nufern hadn't made a second offer, I feel quite certain that Optelecom would have laid us all off and sold our equipment to the highest bidder. How he failed to see that, I'll never know.

Old Boss stormed in one day, put all his personal belongings in a box, and talked about how we couldn't trust Optelecom. My coworker and I asked if we were all being laid off, but he said he couldn't say either way. Over the next week or two, we were brought in on the sale of the department, and given the option to sign contracts as well. I learned that all three contracts were essentially the same. We were all offered raises, bonuses, benefits... the only downside was that Nufern offered less vacation time. In my case, I got 5 weeks total of paid time off with Optelecom, and they offered 3. When I mentioned it, they bumped it up to 4 weeks to lessen the blow. I also asked for a bigger raise, knowing that Old Boss wasn't going along for the ride. Old Boss encouraged me to ask for the moon, but I didn't feel comfortable starting off a new business relationship with extortion. In mid-April, Old Boss left for vacation.

On April 12th, the deal was done. I became a Nufern employee. On the 13th, my coworker and I met our new bosses and learned a bit about the company. I had a really hard time understanding what it was about this company that made Old Boss so upset. President: super nice. New Boss: awesome. And the best part? Going from a company where nobody gives a shit about you, to a company where you're an integral part of their future. I haven't felt this appreciated at work EVER. It's making me sad that I won't be moving to Connecticut. About a week later, Old Boss came back from vacation and was promptly laid off.

The coworker and I had a chance to visit their big facility in CT, and it was great. We only flew up for the day, and were kept very busy the entire time there. First we were greeted by everyone in the lobby, and I mean everyone. There were donuts and bagels and coffee and chit-chat. We met a boatload of people, and got a bag of shwag and our super keen laboratory notebooks. Fun side note: the CT facility is only about a 45 min. drive from Webs. Nice. There was a tour, and we got to see where they make the optical fiber. The building is state of the art, and beautiful. My coworker and I both marveled at how clean it was- they have full time janitorial staff. We can't even get someone to vacuum our lab. Before we knew it, we were back on a plane with all our shwag and a ton of paperwork to fill out.

New Boss is just fantastic, and frankly, I think he's a better boss. He's more professional, and lacks Old Boss's tendency to be a bit of a drama queen. He's very matter-of-fact. He's not afraid to admit when he doesn't know something- but he always finds the answer. I love that his emails are straight to the point, and that my response can be too. No flowery prose needed! But he's still fun, and has a good sense of humor. He's understanding when things go wrong, but at the same time expects us to do our best so that things don't go wrong. It's just so much easier to work for him.

So here I am. It's working out well so far. The news about manufacturing came out, and they had about 6 weeks notice. I feel lucky to have escaped their fate, and hopefully everything will continue to go smoothly.