Saturday, November 27, 2010

Yesterday and Today in 20 Items

1. Argued with cats about what an acceptable time to wake up is

2. Sat around the house in my jammies most of the day

3. Blogged

4. Took shower

5. Bought a fuckload of super cheap yarn (enough Red Heart for an afghan and Fun Fur for kitty beds)(shh... don't tell Scott)

6. Went to knit night

7. Watched X-files with Husband until I was ready to pass out from sleepiness

8. Argued with the cats again

9. Ate chocolate-covered espresso beans for breakfast

10. Showered again

11. Gave Spencer a bath

12. Went to bank; bought correct ink cartridge and groceries

13. Got home, realized that my "groceries" consisted of: pizza rolls, orange soda, ghee, coconut oil, apple cider, and a loaf of bread

14. Debated how much impact grocery choices should impact self-worth

15. Noted that much-anticipated Netflix arrival (The Cell) was badly damaged and wept over having to wait longer to see crazy Vincent D'Onofrio character again

16. Made popcorn with coconut oil and ghee; discovered surprising level of disappointment with ghee

17. Watched less awesome movie with a still-damp pug clinging to my side for warmth

18. Spent the remainder of the afternoon and much of the evening downloading Snoop Dogg songs and pointlessly browsing internet

19. Wrote this blog in a last-ditch effort to feel like today wasn't a complete wash

20. Realized that I should have included "finished french press cozy" and "did laundry" in this list somewhere between 14 and 18, but was too lazy to renumber the list

How am I this lazy? Sometimes I'm amazed I don't die from spontaneous organ failure as my laziness takes over even my most basic reflexive bodily functions.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Not-So-Black Friday

Thanksgiving is the best holiday of ever. This year Scott and I spent it with our friends, Joe and Maria, who happen to be vegetarians. They made an unturkey, made with seitan, which is surprisingly meaty (and tasty!). Admittedly, I was very skeptical at first. If my brief foray into vegetarianism taught me anything, it was that most fake meat products are disgusting- at least when compared to their meaty counterparts. But the unturkey tasted almost exactly like turkey, except that the texture was different. If you had told me I was eating some sort of processed turkey-based food product, I would have believed you.

All in all, the evening was most excellent. Good food, good friends (including meeting a new acquaintance!), and good times all around. I am thinking that we might return the favor by inviting them for a Lou Malnati's deep dish pizza-fest in the near future.

Last night we also learned that Cass got her first job, which is pure awesomesauce. We are very proud, and she's a smart cookie so I'm sure she'll do great. Hopefully she'll learn all those tricky things about being responsible with time, money and priorities. If you're reading this, Cass: Yes, of course all those things can suck ass at times, but that is what enables you to do whatever the hell you want with the rest of your life!

Speaking of jobs, mine is pretty awesome lately. I've been putting in a little extra effort, and it's paying off. Not only literally (in terms of overtime), but my boss seems a lot happier with me, too. I recently got a glowing review, and learned that one of my customers was so pleased that he's writing a letter to be added to my personal file. Then to top it off, another customer sent me a Target gift card to thank me for working on a Saturday a couple weeks ago. It feels good to be appreciated, and it's incredibly motivating.

My knitting mania has returned, but (and I think this is typical of me) I am so enthralled with the idea of knitting so many different things, that I end up staring at Ravelry all day, not knowing where to start. Last week I worked on my green pullover, but when I tried it on I decided it needed shaping and ripped back most of it. I've also got a new pair of socks going, and a cozy for Scott's french press. And of course there's Spencer's bed which still languishes in my closet most of the time- out of sight, out of mind. I've really got to get going on that because between the cats and Spencer, his current bed has seen better days.

In addition to the things I've already got going, I keep having happy little visions of mittens and gloves and hats dance around my head. More recently, a ginormous crocheted afghan has crept in there, too. It might be fun to have something for lounging around on the sofa with all the pets. This would be made with super cheap acrylic for durability, and also because the cats will put anything wool in their mouths. They are wool suckers.

I'm also thinking about making a couple felted "beds" for the cats. Since they're young and don't seem to really mind sitting on the hard floor, these would be more like cat mats. I'm thinking felted... several strands of wool (despite the sucking- felting should help that be less of a problem)... large needles... and maybe even an eyelashy fun-fur type novelty yarn carried along because word on the street is cats love that sort of thing. It would be nice for them to have something cozier than linoleum to sit on as they watch leaves skitter across the deck.

Maybe I can work on finishing those this weekend. I love sitting here (still in my jammies) and knowing that I'd normally be at work right now. It is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Today my plans consist of being lazy for most of the day (check!), bathing my stinky piggy-pug, bathing myself, and going to knit night. I might stop at Office Depot for printer ink, if it doesn't look too nutty. Apparently when HP says "buy ink with the number 564 on it" they really mean "no, not that one- the OTHER 564." Fuckers.

The rest of my weekend will be filled with X-files, movies, and knitting. It's really the only way to live. I hope all of you out there are having an equally awesome weekend.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Chemical Delirium

I've got serotonin issues. I always have. Ever since junior high, I've lived with some level of depression and/or anxiety. It's run unchecked and unmedicated more often than not, but recently I went to the doctor and got put back on meds. Hooray! She also gave me a little bottle of insta-happy for any panic attacks I get until they fully kick in. The serotonin boosters are not new to me, but these happy pills... They had me both nervous and intrigued.

I was worried that I'd take one during a panic attack while out in public, and have some sort of horrible reaction- which would increase my anxiety and (in my imaginary scenario) reduce me to a sobbing heap of embarrassment in the middle of a restaurant. So I thought I had better test drive one at home first. I took one last night when I got home from knit night. Wow. These babies will even make going to the dentist a pleasant experience. I feel very hopeful that my life will be more action-packed and fun-filled.

And if that's not awesome enough, my cholesterol is down! My first ever test was 221- and that was after being a vegetarian for nearly a year. My next test was 234, and that was after trying to eat a little better and get a bit of exercise. Now I'm down to 202! That's just 3 points out of the normal range! Oddly enough, I've stopped caring about what I eat and abandoned any hope of getting regular exercise. I've decided that the best explanation is that more donuts = lower cholesterol.

This last week Scott and I had our 9 year anniversary, and I'm really sort of amazed that he's put up with my neurotic ass for so long. Secretly, I know that I'm the the hard one to live with, even though I like to pretend it's him. I just hope he'll keep sticking it out with me. Hopefully Medicated Amanda will be slightly less of a pain in the ass.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Pac Man

I got a text from someone who had a wrong number, and decided to have a little fun. I have no idea why all his texts ended with "RIP Pac Man." The following conversation took place over three hours, and was loads of fun (for me). His part is red, mine is blue.

Whats up sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who dat?

Who calls u sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Where u been? I miss u!

I miss u to baby my roommate had to pay his bill **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I never liked him.

Why u say that baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Cuz he gave me herpes :(

Who did **R.I.P PAC MAN**

WTF that trick ass bitch u live with that's who! But that's in the past

Who is that babe and how u know who i live with **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I met him at the club once and we got 2 talkin an next thing I know we banging in the toilet

So u wanna hook up later?


How can we hook up later **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can we not? Dont be that way, you know how bad I want you

But i cant leave the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Can't I go there?

Yea when u wanna cum **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Lol tonite ok?

Ite but who was the guy u met in the club whats his name and i thought u didnt have herpes **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I was pretty drunk and don't remember his name. Don't be mad I just wanted 2 get 2 know u.

If u dont remember his name how u know who my roommate is keep it 100 **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He said he was, I remember that part. Otherwise I wouldn't of talked 2 him. He kinda stanky.

What do that mean and why u fuck a stanky nigga anyway and how he know we talk **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He say u owe him money and if we fuck hed call it even. I was tryin 2 help u out.

Do u know who u texting **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I don't know 2 many playas in halfway houses

So who do talk to in the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

You! God u pissin me off. I'm not cumming over later. I gotta get my hair did

Who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who am I!?

Kita now who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

This ain't kita! Who the fuck is kita? And where else u been stickin yo dick?

Nah im playin u guh like shit u cummin to see me **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lack of punctuation still leaves me confused as to what he exactly meant)

I'm a go see my man Chucho! He know how to treat a lady right!

So now i dont stop purpin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(at this point I had to google "purpin")(it means lying to cover something up)(yes I'm that white)

U the one be purpin

Come fuck wit me if u cant come up here at least send me a picture sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Use ur imagination!

Im only creative when fuckin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

So i guess u dont wanna cum huh baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Not wit u! Lose my number...

I dont want herpes anyway stank cock cunt **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(aw, I feel kinda bad)

Ok I confess: I have no idea who you are, who your roomate is, or who Kita is. You texted the wrong number.

Iite **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lower-case "L" and upper case "I" on my iPhone are identical...)

Lite? Lite what?

I said iite,wat u want 2 stor dis number n ur phone book babygirl:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can you be sure I'm even a girl? :)

Now u playin games huh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who is PAC MAN?

U kno da viedo game....duhhh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Ha I thought it was someone's nick-name. Why are you in a halfway house? And why can't you leave?

I juss came home from do 5years i get releas n 2weeks,y wats up send me ah picture of u..... **R.I.P PAC MAN**

What were you in for?

If i tell u everything u gon kno more den me....smh wats up wit ah picture **R.I.P PAC MAN**

No picture! I want to know why you were in prison.

I was locked up for a gun charge and i had some coke on me,wats up wit da pic **R.I.P PAC MAN**

5 yrs is a long time for a gun and some blow… what else have you done?

(no response)

How about a picture of my pussy?

Iite let me c it:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**


U got alot of jokes dont u..lol....smh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Yes I do. I have to get back to work now, but thanks for an entertaining day. Good luck with being released and all that. :)

And that was that. I hope this guy finds the piece of ass he's looking for.