Lazy Winter

I'm home sick with a sore throat, which I think makes eating ice cream for breakfast acceptable. I spent the whole weekend on the couch, but got some knitting done. I finished my gloves! They are toasty warm- it's like my hands don't even know they are outside. I had planned on doing all the fingers in a stranded checker board (like the thumb gussets), but there was too much bulk and it took forever. So I just striped them and called it a day. Now I'm really excited to start some thrummed mittens! Omg warm!


Like many people, I hated winter and cold weather until I thought of it like a season-long puzzle: how do you fix being cold? Cold outside = warm woolly gloves and hats and scarves. Cold inside = warm sweaters and rice warmers and hot water bottles. It could also be related to the milder Maryland winters, but I think mostly it was just that, until recently, I was never dressed warmly enough. I never wore a hat, rarely owned a warm coat or gloves, and walked through snow in Chuck Talyors. Ok so maybe many of those issues were also affected by knitting. But in any case, once I figured out how to leave the house and still be comfortable, winter wasn't so bad. Now I'm thinking about this further, and it's like you just have to get back to the mindset of a child. Kids freaking love snow. Snow to them means snowmen, sledding, and no school. Little kids are typically bundled up by their parents. They don't worry about hat-head or looking silly in snow pants. They also don't have to worry about driving in the snow either. So: bundle your ass up (regardless of smooshed hair), drive something with 4WD, and go build a snowman. And quit bitching. After all, you can always put more on, but you can only take so much off (which is why winter is better than summer)(so nyah!).

I've made some progress on my afghan. It is pretty hideous, in a seventies sort of way, but I love it nonetheless. It's about 18" long now, and I might have enough yarn to finish it. After the first few stripes, it seemed like one skein would only get me 2 stripes, but it turned out that I can get at least 3, maybe 4. I have 3 skeins of every color except the dark green of which I have 6 (since it comes up twice in the color sequence). Each stripe is about 1". So 3 stripes per skein x 3 skeins x 8 colors (counting dark green twice) = 72 stripes/inches. It is roughly 73" wide, so that would be perfect. I really don't mind working with Red Heart. I guess I'm a terrible yarn snob, but it seems cozy enough to me. I'm sort of excited about crocheting more Red Heart blankets. I could make little ones for the pets! Omg I am one step closer to becoming my Aunt Ev.

My Aunt Ev taught me to knit. She was tough but not brash, and made awesome Stollen at Christmas. She and my uncle would spend their summers in Minnesota, and after his death she still made the drive up there every year. I hope that when I'm seventy I still have it in me to pack up a summer's worth of crap and a dog, and drive a Suburban 600 miles by myself while fighting two (!) cancers. While she knew how to knit, Aunt Ev was mainly a crocheter. She made a blanket for every wedding and every baby. She was also crafty in other ways (toll painting like my mom, cross stitch, etc.), and (also like my mom) had a craft room that looked like it could land her on an episode of Hoarders. A room that smelled just like walking into a Michaels, and was packed with enough boxes and bags to be a fire hazard. I love those rooms. Sure, they might signify a mild craft-shopping obsession, but they also contain so much promise... It's sort of amazing to walk in as a kid and imagine all the amazing things you could do. Yarn! Paint! Stick wreathes! Oh, the endless possibilities! Anyways, she was a great lady, and I hope one day to also create a zillion afghans that my family will remember fondly even if they are oh-so-very [insert decade here].


Our holidays were nice and relaxing- I had 10 days off, thanks to a mandatory shut down. We didn't have to go anywhere or do anything (well, poor Scott had to work...). It was awesome. I made beer bread and watched movies most of the time. Scott got me a new laptop- a MacBook Pro! It is teh sexy. I loves it. It's super fast and easy to figure out (for someone whose Mac experience consists of once typing a paper in the Mac lab in high school). I didn't get the MS office suite; instead I downloaded OpenOffice for free. It can read all my Word documents from the old laptop, no problem. I also installed Sophos Anti-Virus for Macs (also free). The only other thing I'd like to do is install Firefox instead of Safari. Safari is not my favorite- it doesn't feel as intuitive, bookmarks aren't as quick to access, and it doesn't remember my Ravelry username.

And last but not least, if you're in the DC area and up early: Scott will be on 105.9 The Edge on Wednesday morning promoting the DC Tattoo Expo! He and his boss will be on The Kirk and Mike Show. The show is on from 6 to 10 am, but I don't know exactly when they'll be on. Go listen! Wednesday!

Whenever I listen to gangsta rap, I mentally replace all the n-words with "knitta." Sometimes this leads to thinking that Snoop Dogg might REALLY be a knitter...

Lodi dodi, we likes to party
We don't cause trouble, we don't bother nobody
We're, just some [knittaz] who're on the mic
And when we rock up on the mic we rock the mic right
For all my Doggs keepin y'all in health
Just to see you smile and enjoy yourself
Cuz it's cool when ya cause a cozy conditionin
Which we create, cuz that's our mission
-Lodi Dodi

It just seems to fit, doesn't it?

Speaking of knitting, I need to get to work on a few things. First on the list will be a cowl, or short scarf of some sort. This morning, while stooping to pick up Spencer's poo, my scarf swung forward and very nearly touched the poo. Being very anti-poo-on-my-clothing, but pro-warm-neck, this seems like a good solution.

The other item bumped up the list is a pair of woolly mittens or gloves. I've been wearing my fingerless mitts over a cheap pair of those stretchy, acrylic gloves. I don't know how I made it through last winter with only those gloves (actually, I think I've always worn those cheap gloves). Now I can feel the massive difference between them and the woolly fingerless mitts- which are warmer even without fingers! Anyway, I bought some wool for them over the summer, but need to get another set of DPNs so I can do both at the same time.

The last thing I moved up the list is a cardigan. I just desperately want a warm sweater. I feel like I'm cold all the time. We are keeping the house at 68°, work claims to be 73° but my machine is right next to a window and also the thermostat is a filthy liar, and the Jeep is a bit drafty. I have a second course of action that involves sewing cotton bags filled with rice. I think I'll make a bunch- two for at home, one for work, and maybe some for gifts? We'll see. My coworker claims that the Asian market sells rice for $10 per 25 lbs, but I remain skeptical. I found 50 lb bags online that go for $60-70, so her guess seems awfully cheap. We are going there tomorrow, so we'll see.

The afghan I started is freaking awesome, and may be hard to put down. I'm only about 6" into it, but it's wide enough to cover our queen size bed. Unfortunately I figured out that the amount of yarn I purchased for this project is laughable. I bought 8 skeins of Red Heart. I think I might need more like 30. Luckily, Red Heart has no dye lot so I can just buy them as I need them, more or less. Unless they discontinue colors. Crap. Do they do that? Maybe I need to go back to Michaels this weekend.

Yesterday and Today in 20 Items

1. Argued with cats about what an acceptable time to wake up is

2. Sat around the house in my jammies most of the day

3. Blogged

4. Took shower

5. Bought a fuckload of super cheap yarn (enough Red Heart for an afghan and Fun Fur for kitty beds)(shh... don't tell Scott)

6. Went to knit night

7. Watched X-files with Husband until I was ready to pass out from sleepiness

8. Argued with the cats again

9. Ate chocolate-covered espresso beans for breakfast

10. Showered again

11. Gave Spencer a bath

12. Went to bank; bought correct ink cartridge and groceries

13. Got home, realized that my "groceries" consisted of: pizza rolls, orange soda, ghee, coconut oil, apple cider, and a loaf of bread

14. Debated how much impact grocery choices should impact self-worth

15. Noted that much-anticipated Netflix arrival (The Cell) was badly damaged and wept over having to wait longer to see crazy Vincent D'Onofrio character again

16. Made popcorn with coconut oil and ghee; discovered surprising level of disappointment with ghee

17. Watched less awesome movie with a still-damp pug clinging to my side for warmth

18. Spent the remainder of the afternoon and much of the evening downloading Snoop Dogg songs and pointlessly browsing internet

19. Wrote this blog in a last-ditch effort to feel like today wasn't a complete wash

20. Realized that I should have included "finished french press cozy" and "did laundry" in this list somewhere between 14 and 18, but was too lazy to renumber the list

How am I this lazy? Sometimes I'm amazed I don't die from spontaneous organ failure as my laziness takes over even my most basic reflexive bodily functions.

Not-So-Black Friday

Thanksgiving is the best holiday of ever. This year Scott and I spent it with our friends, Joe and Maria, who happen to be vegetarians. They made an unturkey, made with seitan, which is surprisingly meaty (and tasty!). Admittedly, I was very skeptical at first. If my brief foray into vegetarianism taught me anything, it was that most fake meat products are disgusting- at least when compared to their meaty counterparts. But the unturkey tasted almost exactly like turkey, except that the texture was different. If you had told me I was eating some sort of processed turkey-based food product, I would have believed you.

All in all, the evening was most excellent. Good food, good friends (including meeting a new acquaintance!), and good times all around. I am thinking that we might return the favor by inviting them for a Lou Malnati's deep dish pizza-fest in the near future.

Last night we also learned that Cass got her first job, which is pure awesomesauce. We are very proud, and she's a smart cookie so I'm sure she'll do great. Hopefully she'll learn all those tricky things about being responsible with time, money and priorities. If you're reading this, Cass: Yes, of course all those things can suck ass at times, but that is what enables you to do whatever the hell you want with the rest of your life!

Speaking of jobs, mine is pretty awesome lately. I've been putting in a little extra effort, and it's paying off. Not only literally (in terms of overtime), but my boss seems a lot happier with me, too. I recently got a glowing review, and learned that one of my customers was so pleased that he's writing a letter to be added to my personal file. Then to top it off, another customer sent me a Target gift card to thank me for working on a Saturday a couple weeks ago. It feels good to be appreciated, and it's incredibly motivating.

My knitting mania has returned, but (and I think this is typical of me) I am so enthralled with the idea of knitting so many different things, that I end up staring at Ravelry all day, not knowing where to start. Last week I worked on my green pullover, but when I tried it on I decided it needed shaping and ripped back most of it. I've also got a new pair of socks going, and a cozy for Scott's french press. And of course there's Spencer's bed which still languishes in my closet most of the time- out of sight, out of mind. I've really got to get going on that because between the cats and Spencer, his current bed has seen better days.

In addition to the things I've already got going, I keep having happy little visions of mittens and gloves and hats dance around my head. More recently, a ginormous crocheted afghan has crept in there, too. It might be fun to have something for lounging around on the sofa with all the pets. This would be made with super cheap acrylic for durability, and also because the cats will put anything wool in their mouths. They are wool suckers.

I'm also thinking about making a couple felted "beds" for the cats. Since they're young and don't seem to really mind sitting on the hard floor, these would be more like cat mats. I'm thinking felted... several strands of wool (despite the sucking- felting should help that be less of a problem)... large needles... and maybe even an eyelashy fun-fur type novelty yarn carried along because word on the street is cats love that sort of thing. It would be nice for them to have something cozier than linoleum to sit on as they watch leaves skitter across the deck.

Maybe I can work on finishing those this weekend. I love sitting here (still in my jammies) and knowing that I'd normally be at work right now. It is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Today my plans consist of being lazy for most of the day (check!), bathing my stinky piggy-pug, bathing myself, and going to knit night. I might stop at Office Depot for printer ink, if it doesn't look too nutty. Apparently when HP says "buy ink with the number 564 on it" they really mean "no, not that one- the OTHER 564." Fuckers.

The rest of my weekend will be filled with X-files, movies, and knitting. It's really the only way to live. I hope all of you out there are having an equally awesome weekend.

Chemical Delirium

I've got serotonin issues. I always have. Ever since junior high, I've lived with some level of depression and/or anxiety. It's run unchecked and unmedicated more often than not, but recently I went to the doctor and got put back on meds. Hooray! She also gave me a little bottle of insta-happy for any panic attacks I get until they fully kick in. The serotonin boosters are not new to me, but these happy pills... They had me both nervous and intrigued.

I was worried that I'd take one during a panic attack while out in public, and have some sort of horrible reaction- which would increase my anxiety and (in my imaginary scenario) reduce me to a sobbing heap of embarrassment in the middle of a restaurant. So I thought I had better test drive one at home first. I took one last night when I got home from knit night. Wow. These babies will even make going to the dentist a pleasant experience. I feel very hopeful that my life will be more action-packed and fun-filled.

And if that's not awesome enough, my cholesterol is down! My first ever test was 221- and that was after being a vegetarian for nearly a year. My next test was 234, and that was after trying to eat a little better and get a bit of exercise. Now I'm down to 202! That's just 3 points out of the normal range! Oddly enough, I've stopped caring about what I eat and abandoned any hope of getting regular exercise. I've decided that the best explanation is that more donuts = lower cholesterol.

This last week Scott and I had our 9 year anniversary, and I'm really sort of amazed that he's put up with my neurotic ass for so long. Secretly, I know that I'm the the hard one to live with, even though I like to pretend it's him. I just hope he'll keep sticking it out with me. Hopefully Medicated Amanda will be slightly less of a pain in the ass.

Pac Man

I got a text from someone who had a wrong number, and decided to have a little fun. I have no idea why all his texts ended with "RIP Pac Man." The following conversation took place over three hours, and was loads of fun (for me). His part is red, mine is blue.

Whats up sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who dat?

Who calls u sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Where u been? I miss u!

I miss u to baby my roommate had to pay his bill **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I never liked him.

Why u say that baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Cuz he gave me herpes :(

Who did **R.I.P PAC MAN**

WTF that trick ass bitch u live with that's who! But that's in the past

Who is that babe and how u know who i live with **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I met him at the club once and we got 2 talkin an next thing I know we banging in the toilet

So u wanna hook up later?

How can we hook up later **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can we not? Dont be that way, you know how bad I want you

But i cant leave the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Can't I go there?

Yea when u wanna cum **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Lol tonite ok?

Ite but who was the guy u met in the club whats his name and i thought u didnt have herpes **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I was pretty drunk and don't remember his name. Don't be mad I just wanted 2 get 2 know u.

If u dont remember his name how u know who my roommate is keep it 100 **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He said he was, I remember that part. Otherwise I wouldn't of talked 2 him. He kinda stanky.

What do that mean and why u fuck a stanky nigga anyway and how he know we talk **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He say u owe him money and if we fuck hed call it even. I was tryin 2 help u out.

Do u know who u texting **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I don't know 2 many playas in halfway houses

So who do talk to in the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

You! God u pissin me off. I'm not cumming over later. I gotta get my hair did

Who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who am I!?

Kita now who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

This ain't kita! Who the fuck is kita? And where else u been stickin yo dick?

Nah im playin u guh like shit u cummin to see me **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lack of punctuation still leaves me confused as to what he exactly meant)

I'm a go see my man Chucho! He know how to treat a lady right!

So now i dont stop purpin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(at this point I had to google "purpin")(it means lying to cover something up)(yes I'm that white)

U the one be purpin

Come fuck wit me if u cant come up here at least send me a picture sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Use ur imagination!

Im only creative when fuckin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

So i guess u dont wanna cum huh baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Not wit u! Lose my number...

I dont want herpes anyway stank cock cunt **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(aw, I feel kinda bad)

Ok I confess: I have no idea who you are, who your roomate is, or who Kita is. You texted the wrong number.

Iite **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lower-case "L" and upper case "I" on my iPhone are identical...)

Lite? Lite what?

I said iite,wat u want 2 stor dis number n ur phone book babygirl:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can you be sure I'm even a girl? :)

Now u playin games huh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who is PAC MAN?

U kno da viedo game....duhhh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Ha I thought it was someone's nick-name. Why are you in a halfway house? And why can't you leave?

I juss came home from do 5years i get releas n 2weeks,y wats up send me ah picture of u..... **R.I.P PAC MAN**

What were you in for?

If i tell u everything u gon kno more den me....smh wats up wit ah picture **R.I.P PAC MAN**

No picture! I want to know why you were in prison.

I was locked up for a gun charge and i had some coke on me,wats up wit da pic **R.I.P PAC MAN**

5 yrs is a long time for a gun and some blow… what else have you done?

(no response)

How about a picture of my pussy?

Iite let me c it:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

U got alot of jokes dont u..lol....smh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Yes I do. I have to get back to work now, but thanks for an entertaining day. Good luck with being released and all that. :)

And that was that. I hope this guy finds the piece of ass he's looking for.

Cats and Knitting (oh god I'm becoming what I've always feared)

Holy shit do I love this weather. It's cool enough for sweaters (especially at night) and toasty warm hand-knits, but not so cold that we need to turn on the heat. It's so exciting to know that I won't need to worry about sweating my ass off every time I leave the house for at least another 6 months or so. I recently bought a wind-proof fleece jacket and it is perfect for this time of year. I loves it. I also bought a pair of winter boots, which unfortunately guarantees that there will be absolutely no snow this year. Not that I'm hoping for a repeat of last year's deluge, but a couple of 6" snows is always nice- it's just not winter without some measurable snow.

Today is Halloween, and I'm excited to celebrate in my customary way: I buy a couple bags of Halloween candy, get a blanket, and pick a spooky movie. Then I turn off the porch light, snuggle up on the couch with the blanket and movie, and eat all the candy myself. Mwahahahaha! Honestly, I did leave the light on for the first two years but we never had one trick-or-treater. Not one! I think they avoid our neighborhood because of all the stairs, lazy little slackers.

I finished knitting a pair of socks for my sister-in-law, and immediately afterwards made a couple instant-gratification items: a swiffer cloth and a felted coaster cozy. The swiffer cloth was a success- it's not quite as grabby as the disposable cloths, but it does work. The coaster cozy was meant to keep the cats from knocking our stack of cheap cork coasters off the counter. It was less of a success. First, it didn't quite come out the size I was shooting for. This is probably because I crocheted it and crochet apparently shrinks differently than knitting, which makes sense because it IS different. Second, it does nothing to stop the cats from just knocking the whole thing off the counter. Clearly, this is their second favorite game to play in our absence, right after "hide assorted small objects under the stove."

Speaking of cats, Marlow did wind up back at the vet. They shaved the back of his leg to get a good look at where he had been chewing and he really did a number on himself. Chewed himself right up. He also had filthy ears (again) and a small scratch on his cornea (probably from a tussle with Sam). They gave us four (4!) medications and an Elizabethan collar. Surprisingly, the medications were not a big deal. Two oral liquids, ear drops, and eye ointment... he was good about getting all of them, even the ointment. The collar on the other hand, well, didn't go over too well.

I'm reasonably certain that Marlowe is dumber than your average cat. I love him to death, but he's... special. I put the collar on him once we got home, and the poor little guy could not figure out how to walk forward with it on. He kept trying to slink along the ground, but the bottom edge of the collar would catch on the carpet. He would take a couple steps, get "stuck" on the carpet (or a piece of furniture or a door frame), then he'd back up and try again. I even tried cutting about an inch off of it to make things easier, but it was no help. Eventually he solved his problem by simply walking backwards. Except he couldn't navigate the stairs backwards. I carried him upstairs, since I'd rather have him up near the litter box, but then I found new problems. He couldn't get into the covered litter box and he had no water upstairs. Ok. I took the top off the litter box thinking that he might figure out how to back into it. Then I brought up a bowl of water. Unfortunately, it only took Sam a few minutes to locate the bowl of water and splash all the water out of it. Super.

I can't separate the cats because I have only one litter box. If I put Marlowe upstairs with a bowl of water, Sam will splash all the water out. And Marlowe can't drink out of the water dish downstairs with the cone on, so there's no point in putting the litter box and Marlowe down there. The only solution was that the collar had to go. There was no way I could stay home with Marlowe and make sure that my backwards-walking cat would be okay anyway. He had to be able to function without me. Luckily, it all worked out in the end. Once the steroids kicked in, he seemed to stop itching and had little interest in chewing up his leg. Now he's fine, though he still looks a little mangy while his hair grows back.

The vet had also suggested that Marlowe is getting a little chunky, which came as a huge surprise. If Marlowe is getting a little husky, then Sam must be morbidly obese. Now they're both on diets, and I'm feeding them separately to be sure they're only eating exactly what they're given. Of course this means that they wake me up every morning, crying about how they're starving and they'll die if they don't get their breakfast right now! And they repeat this routine as soon as I walk in the door. It irritates them to no end that Spencer gets walked before they get their dinner, and Sam gives us the Glare of Death from the window sill. Oh, these pets and their shenanigans!

Back to knitting: I'm working on a pair of fingerless mittens for myself, to protect my hands from the Jeep's cold steering wheel. What's better- it's from STASH! Look at me! Knitting from the stash! Who knew it was possible? I'm using a ball of Rowan Felted Tweed that I actually bought for this very purpose, and making up the pattern as I go.

I'm also considering destashing all my mohair. I bought a bunch of it when I first discovered non-big-box yarn, but it turns out that I really don't like mohair. I can't really put my finger on why, but I don't. My sister is visiting this weekend (yay!) so maybe she'd like some, and anything else will go up for grabs.