Art Meets Science, Sort of

This past week I kept seeing that commercial for the correspondence art school that has you draw the bear as your application- as a kid it was advertised in the back of magazines. I'm sure you'd recognize it if you saw it. Anyway, I always thought it was funny, and for whatever reason I googled it. It turns out a correspondence art school certificate will cost you a cool $3485, but that does include books and supplies. And they do offer scholarships. Well. I really had no choice but to request more information.

I'm absolutely dying to see the application. I have every intention of applying (assuming there is no application fee), despite the fact that I lack any artistic skill or talent. I did invest in a drawing book, so I could put forth my best effort when I draw the infamous bear.

The first exercise is drawing your own feet. I went out and bought fancy-pants drawing pencils, a gum eraser, and a sketch book. Then I drew my feet.


Fucking terrible, as expected. But hey, the point is to have a bit of fun and maybe learn something new.

The next night I had an idea. I was going to get plastered and see how well I would do then. I honestly thought it would just be funny. So I picked up some beer.

Yesterday after work, I had some dinner and got to drinking. I redid the feet exercise after just 2 beers.


Yup, still awful. But what if I keep drinking? Sick of looking at my feet, I decided to switch to Spencer...


Hmm. If you've seen any of my previous attempts to sketch my dog, you'd probably agree this is an improvement. Interesting. I think it was at this point that I decided popping a Xanax might help. Also perhaps a shot of whiskey.


Spencer up close, and better still! I could be onto something. Then I remembered another exercise in the book- drawing your own hand. More booze!


Ok. I really think that this is not bad for someone with zero training and devoid of artistic talent. Now I'm in trouble because I want to keep getting shit faced to see what else I can draw. Sadly, I imagine very few hospitals accept crappy sketches in lieu of payment for liver transplants.