For Starters

My List of Reasons Getting Divorced Might Not Be So Bad

1. My bathroom is way cleaner, and I'm not cleaning toothpaste dribbles and beard shavings out of the sink every day.

2. I can watch whatever I please on TV without snarky comments- whether it's reality TV or a silly family movie starring Eddie Murphy.

3. The only grumbling I hear comes from Spencer, and I can squirt him with the water bottle if it annoys me.

4. There is a hot pink Robot-Rocketship table in my dining room, and I love it.

5. I can eat whatever the fuck I want. This means that baby carrots with ranch dressing and some toast is an acceptable meal. And I can make all the crappy food I want: Frito Pie, my mom's spaghetti (with ground beef! Sacrilege!), Hamburger Helper, casseroles, etc.

6. The house is cleaner. I'm not cleaning peanut butter fingerprints off the cabinets, and there aren't spots of tar (or grease or whatever gets on his shoes when he rides his motorcycle) on the carpet.

7. I don't need to constantly relocate piles of laundry when I want to vacuum or go to bed.

8. The wooden spoons aren't destroyed from being put in the dishwasher.

9. The dishwasher gets loaded the right way- with the dirty side facing the water spray.

10. The grocery bill is WAY cheaper.

11. I don't have to hide snacks so that they don't get eaten before I've had a chance to eat any.

12. It's much nicer to sleep without the chorus of snoring and gnashing teeth.

13. The sheets are all mine! Mine! MINE!! Mwahahahahaha!

14. Nobody makes me feel inferior for having wacky serotonin levels.

15. I can leave my knitting wherever the hell I want, muthafucka!

16. I can use up all the hot water without guilt.

17. For all the reasons above and more I haven't thought of yet, my life is much less stressful.