Super Un-Genius

A few weeks ago I tried to sew a simple pocket for my Jeep windows. I had some denim fabric, heavy-duty thread, a sewing machine, and a small amount of sewing knowledge retained from a junior high home economics class. I gathered these things in our spare bedroom, away from the dog and cats, and set to work. The fabric was long enough that I could just cut it to the width of the windows (plus a bit for ease), fold it, and sew up each side, leaving a little flap at the top. I even thought I might add a button closure so the windows wouldn’t slide out.

I cut the fabric, pinned the first edge, and set up the machine. The thread was too thick for the needle, so I changed it and moved on. As soon as I started sewing, everything went awry. The machine kept eating the bobbin thread, and the tension seemed to be off no matter what I set it to. I would go 6 inches, and the needle thread would break. I would finish a seam, only to find out the bobbin thread was nowhere to be found. It seemed like I tried everything, and nothing helped. In the end, I was so frustrated that I actually sewed the edges wrong- I had created the flap on opposite sides (creating two triangular flaps- front left and rear right). Awesome. Too irritated to rip it out and do it right, I just said, “Fuck it.” and stuck my windows in it anyway.

Adding to my woe, I was convinced that I had destroyed my sewing machine with a combination of poor maintenance and heavy duty thread. Normally this wouldn’t be all that distressing- I’d just chuck it and buy a new one. It’s my way. Except that this particular machine was Scott’s first Christmas gift to me. I didn’t want to let it go that easily. Naturally, I turned to the internet for help.

First I found a few places nearby that offered sewing machine repair services. The one shop that listed a price wanted $90. I could only assume that covered labor only, and it seemed a little steep. My next Google search was (and this is where things get really interesting): “how to fix your own sewing machine.”

The first result I read warned to check your needle- that 9 out of 10 times, sewing machine malfunction is due to an improperly inserted needle. Pssht. As if that applied to me. I clicked on. The next result was from eHow, and it was so deliciously simple that it HAD to be right. It instructed me to remove the plastic bits, vacuum out the lint and any wayward thread, oil some bits, and grease others. Replace plastic bits. I cackled manically to myself as I thought about how I was going to save tens of dollars with my brilliant plan!

Yesterday, I went to the hardware store to get the oil and white lithium grease I’d need. “This is so freaking awesome,” I thought on the way home. “I’m going to fix my own machine for less than $7!” My next thought was that I HAD to blog this. I would stun a very small group of family and fellow knitters with my mechanical prowess, and the prideful high would last for weeks. Maybe even months! Well, I will amaze you… but mostly with my vast stupidity.


I gathered all the items necessary for my little project, and took a photo. It’s rare that I realize a golden blogging opportunity before it actually happens, and I wanted to document it well. But before I started, I wanted to test the machine. I had some cotton fabric and standard thread- I wondered if maybe it was just the heavier fabric and thread that had been a problem. As I changed needles once again, I thought back to that first website. A quick glance in the manual told me that I was, in fact, an idiot. The needle was in backwards. After putting it in correctly, the machine ran without breaking either thread. The tension still seemed a bit wonky, though, and that was the only nudge I needed to continue on my quest to crack that sucker open. It turns out I had grown highly curious of how a sewing machine works, and really wanted to open it up.

On I went, taking photos along the way. Not knowing how exactly all these plastic parts come off, and not having a manual that goes much beyond needle insertion and bobbin winding, I guessed. I took out screws where it seemed like it might do something. Eventually I got a panel off the bottom, and one off the side. Something in the back of my mind told me to stop before I got into trouble, but I ignored it. 30 seconds later, I was unscrewing the bit that apparently holds the tension wheel in place when shit hit the fan.


First, the tension wheel sprang out before I could get a good look at how it was in there, so that I could put it back correctly. I knew that was a problem, but kept going anyway. Still trying to figure out how to get the main plastic cover off, I sighted a screw near the bobbin winder. It was the auto-cutoff bit, and it looked to me like it might hold a secret… Unfortunately it’s secret was a bolt on the end of the nut I removed, which dropped into the shadowy world inside the machine (which I was still so desperate to expose) as I unscrewed it. I shook the machine, and heard it rattle around a bit. Idea! I could just shake it out! I shook the machine feverishly over the kitchen table, straining to hear a sound that might be a small nut hitting the table. Nothing. I shook it at every angle, until eventually it lodged itself into a cozy corner of the machine never to be heard again.

That’s when I realized I was in way over my head. The little nut was probably stuck in a gear somewhere, ready to do some serious damage in retaliation for all that shaking about. Not wanting to risk unscrewing anything more, and having no other options, I began to put the machine together as best I could. Most of it went fine- I had smartly labeled all the pieces. But that damned little tension wheel gave me a lot of grief. It probably took me 45 minutes to get that sucker back in, and it still didn’t go in right. Something like 27 little pieces need to be coordinated just so in order to screw it back in place. Freaking impossible.

Today I called a couple places about repairs. I asked about their prices and turnaround time, and the cheapest and fastest was a place in Gaithersburg on East Diamond. I had the address from the innerwebs, and at lunch I headed over. Except when I got to the address, I saw only auto shops. Confused and thinking maybe they had moved, I called from a nearby parking lot. It turns out the guy who fixes sewing machines is an auto mechanic. The garage is the right place. Okay then! A couple of minutes later, a very nice man covered in motor oil took my machine, and tried not to laugh at me when I explained my situation. He said he’ll call when it’s done. I’m crossing my fingers.

The House List

This is the list of things (some very specific, some general) that I want to have in our "forever home." Keep in mind that part of our criteria is a house on a large piece of land (at least a few acres), with the house centrally located on the property to ensure that our house doesn't wind up 10 feet away from the neighbor's house (or too close to the street, in case road noise becomes an issue in the future). We'd also like the property to be on a mountain, if possible. Ok, that said... on to the list!



1. An off-road trail (if the property is big enough)

2. Lots of mature trees, several of which shade the house- but not too old (as to fall on the house)

3. No standing water (like a pond) on the property (mosquitoes!), running water okay

4. Possibly a concrete home, or log home

5. Basement

6. Lots of storage space

7. Laundry area in basement or in out of the way area (not near bedrooms or living room)

8. Double-hung windows

9. Ceiling fans all over the place

10. Screened deck/porch with ceiling fan(s)

11. Fireplace(s)

12. 2 bedrooms- master and guest

13. 2 full bathrooms

14. 1-2 car attached garage or carport

15. Detached garage or barn

16. 2 areas for Scott and I to have our own space- a knitting area and a man cave

17. One of those instant hot water heaters (as opposed to the usual big tank type)

18. Large, eat-in/country kitchen or dining area next to kitchen, only one eating area

19. Generous counter space

20. 2 ovens

21. Pantry

22. Mud room between garage and house

23. Private well and septic system

24. Solar panels

25. Compost heap

26. Clothesline

27. Greenhouse

28. Chicken coop

29. Hidden safe, bolted in place

30. Fire pit

31. Brick BBQ

32. Giant garden

33. Metal roof

34. Bomb shelter/tornado bunker

35. Master bedroom on the North or East side of the house (afternoon sun = hot room!)



Of course, a lot of the list is negotiable; and the whole list goes out the window if we can get our hands on an old church with a cemetery on the grounds. Spooky! And there is a lot of crazy crap that I'd like to put on the list, but unless we fall into a few million bucks it's not realistic stuff (think secret passageways and moving walls).

Oddities

I was reviewing the blog and noticed that my links are all bad. I don't know why, and I'm sorry if it created any confusion or inconvenience. It looks like my old way of editing HTML no longer works. What a pain in the ass. From now on I'll just use the special little hyperlink button Blogger provides. Truth be told, I'm not completely happy with Blogger- I'm considering changes! Maybe my own website? It will depend on how nutty I want to get with my little blog. Perhaps that's something I will look into once I go back to housewifery and have more time on my hands.

I have a funny little anecdote: The cats kept scratching at the door early this morning, so I got up and placed our two laundry baskets in front of our door to block them, in hopes that I could get a little more sleep. Later, the (undeterred) cats were back to scratching at the door. Scott walks over, opens the door, but sees only two laundry baskets. He looks at me and says, "I think the laundry baskets are hungry." Lolz.

Friday night after knitting, I put all the windows back on the Jeep, in preparation for a much-needed rain. Once the rain cleared up Saturday morning, I went out to run some errands. I got in the Jeep and noticed quite a bit of rain had gotten in on the passenger side. I walked around for a better look, and I might as well have not put the window in at all on that side. Water, water, everywhere! I think that I didn't seat the upper door/window all the way into the lower door, which caused it to not seal. I have rubber tray-style floor mats, which caught a good amount of the rain, but I still had to pull up the carpet and pull the two plugs to drain the rest of the water.

I toweled of the floor, carpet, door, dash, and console as best I could, then ran my errands with the carpet still pulled up in hopes that it would dry a bit. After a few hours, it was dry enough that I felt okay about putting the plugs back and refitting the carpet. This morning the carpet was still a bit damp in a couple spots, so the Jeep is now opened up- hopefully the fresh air and heat will finish drying it out.

When I went out to put the top down, I decided to try out the Sunrider sunroof. For those not in the know, the newer Jeep soft tops have the option to only partially fold the top back, creating a sort of sunroof. I never did it before because I didn't really see the point. And now that I've tried it, I still don't really see the point. I guess it's a nice option if there's a lot of rain off and on in the forecast, and you don't want to keep taking the top down and/or windows off; but it sort of feels like I'm just half-assing it.

This past week Scott and I did a bit of planning for emergencies. Scott gets very excited about the idea of surviving epic disasters and living in a post-apocalyptic world, and loves planning for such an event. He gathered everything we would need for a "Go Kit." This is the kit we would take if a bomb hit DC. It assumes we will need to leave in a matter of minutes, and may never be able to come back. I also made a little emergency kit for my Jeep. We are nearly adequately prepared for almost any sort of disaster.

By the way, fellow Fredneckians... If a nuclear bomb hits the DC area, we're totally screwed. Don't bother running. You'd have to be at least 160 miles or so away for the fallout not to kill you, and 250 miles away before you'd only feel mild effects. At only 30 miles from the beltway, we'll be dead in hours. Sorry!

Once we move to our dream house, we plan on becoming as self-sufficient as possible. I've been adding to that whole list of insane things we want to do/make/have. It's insane enough to make me worry about getting raided by the ATF or FBI, with our property being referred to as a "compound" on the news. Ha. I'll put the list in another post-it's too long to put here. While a nuclear blast will still kill us in the area we'd be in (an hour or less from Manassas), I think we could be ready for something like a small (non-nuclear) electromagnetic pulse event, or even just really severe weather. Yeah, I know. Scott's crazy is rubbing off on me.

Finally (on a non-crazy note), I'm working on that sweater from the last post, and so far so good. I'm into the main body now, and it should go relatively quickly with the worsted yarn. I'm also thinking 3/4 sleeves. It will be a nice transitional top for the Spring and Fall. Pictures later, when it's more identifiable.

One Month Later...

First off, I want to say FUCK HEAT. No really- heat can go screw. I hate it. It's heavy and oppressive, and there's nothing you can do about it. Scott says that if we moved somewhere cold, I'd just start bitching about the cold... the grass is always greener and all that. I'm not sure he's right. Perhaps if we lived where it was cold all the time, but I think I'd be pretty happy in a place that was always just about 10 degrees cooler than Frederick.

But it seems more likely that in a couple of years we'll be living in Virginia, closer to the tattoo shop. Hopefully we can find a piece of property on a mountain, in the woods, where it might be a bit cooler. With my job becoming more and more of a pain in my ass, I've been daydreaming a lot about the day when I get to quit my job and be a housewife again (in an actual house with a yard). I've been keeping a list of things I'll do- garden, bake, etc. Granted, there's no guarantee that I'll change my lazy ways, but it's fun to think about.

I've also been keeping a list of things I'd like to have in our "forever house." I think Scott and I are both hoping that the next house we buy will be the last house we buy (at least until retirement). We're hoping to get a small to medium sized house on a huge chunk of land- with the house right in the middle so the neighbors are all far away! My list includes some things that will need to exist on whatever property we purchase (mature trees, basement), and some things that we can add on later (greenhouse, chicken coop, solar panels). I also keep meaning to start a scrapbook of sorts containing photos and pressed leaves of plants I want on the property. And that is something I really should get started on, because it will take a full year to see what looks good during each season.

In the meantime, it's life as usual. Scott and I started watching the first season of X-files on Netflix recently. It's strange to think that it's almost 20 years old. I remember watching it as a kid, on the TV in the basement for full spooky effect. Back then I had a crush on Mulder/David Duchovny... Not so much anymore.

Knitting has been slow-going. I haven't worked on much since finishing the blanket. I did finally finish a pair of socks that I started back in uh... March? They came out pretty well, but I accidentally worked the heels over a different number of stitches, so they are not exactly identical like I'd hoped. The yarn is Knitting Fever Indulgence, and it has sadly been discontinued according to Ravelry. It's a buttery soft 75% merino/25% nylon blend, and it was great to knit with. I hope the softness won't equate to wearing poorly.


I think I might start working on one of my UFOs- a top-down sweater in SWTC Therapi. I started it quite a while ago (even before the socks) and it's only about halfway through the raglan increases. Maybe I can make some decent progress this weekend.

I'm pretty stoked about this weekend. I've got Monday off, which rocks; Scott has tomorrow off, which also rocks; and I've got two slabs of ribs marinating in the fridge which rocks extra hard. I really, really hope my marinade doesn't suck. I sort of pieced it together based on two different recipes and what I had to work with. One was a fruity bourbon thing, but Scott is not really into fruity meat, so I used part of a beer-based marinade too... It's basically bourbon, honey, soy sauce, a splash of Worcestershire sauce, one garlic clove and 1/2 of a Vidalia onion. It could be awesome, or it could be horrible. Who knows? I'm going to let it sit overnight, turn the pieces in the morning, and bake them in the late afternoon- nice and slow. I'll be dumping copious amounts of BBQ sauce on them as they bake, so the marinade may not even play a huge role in this. Then a few minutes under the broiler should finish them off nicely. There will also be potato salad (made this afternoon) and corn. Yay, food!

That's it for today, kids. I hope you have (or had) a great weekend! Happy Fourth of July! Go America, and other such sentiments!

The baby blanket is done.


I finished it yesterday, and washed it, and took a picture, and now I just have to call my old boss so he can come pick it up. Knitting through the better part of four skeins of Homespun is almost enough to make a girl go crazy. Now that it's done, I can move on with my year of knitting for ME. I'm not sure what I'll knit first, but I'd like to finish my current pair of socks and maybe even work on the Bohus for a while.

As a reward for finishing, I bought a hank of Shalimar Zoe Sock in the Saffron colorway for some sunshiny socks. While I was at Eleganza, I also got a couple books on sale (Bag Style and a Noro booklet) and the new Early Fall Vogue Knitting. Hooray for surprise sales!

I think Marlowe's arse is feeling a little better. He's been eating a special Royal Canin wet food and Hill's Prescription dry food- both mixed with a bit of rice, and he's still getting the pro-biotic. This morning I noticed his poo was more poo-shaped than before, so that's progress. On a comical note: Scott left his check out for me to deposit Saturday morning, and when I went to grab it, I noticed that a certain stinky kitty left a little poo smear right over the written amount. I made a joke about the bank not accepting checks for "poo thousand dollars" and laughed at my clever little witticism all day. It almost makes up for how gross it is.

My allergies are getting a bit out of hand this year. Last year, I had to go to the eye doctor because my eyes were so jacked up. She gave me some ridiculously expensive eye drops and had me use a better contact lens solution. A few months ago, they switched me to daily disposable lenses (so there's no build-up) to see if that would help. The answer turned out to be no. Yesterday I started using the eye drops again, and I've been experimenting with different OTC allergy meds for my sneezing and sniffles. Claritin does nothing for me, Benadryl knocks me flat on my ass, but Zyrtec seems to hit a sweet spot. The full 10mg pill still makes me a little sleepy, but a friend suggested taking just half so that's what I'm trying now. Ugh, it's almost enough to make me want to run back to Illinois- where I never had seasonal allergies.

It will be so nice to have the extra day off tomorrow. Plus all next week my coworker will be on vacation. I hope the week will be as quiet and productive as I think. But by "quiet" I mean free from her incessant questions, her annoying cell phone ringtones, and her frequent loud phone conversations- not necessarily literally devoid of any noise. I plan on blasting metal as loud as I can get away with while I work.

Ok, I've had enough computer time for now. I need to go knit something.

Quickie

Just a quick update while the pizza's in the oven...

I am very nearly done with that damned baby blanket. It is likely that if I ever look at Homespun yarn again, I will throw up on it. On purpose. Anyway, I am two garter ridges and a bind-off away from being done. Then I can wash it and send it off to my old boss. Nice.

I hate my coworker. Like a whole lot. I'm sure it's just temporary, and soon I will go back to being okay with her, but right now... I could strangle her and not lose any sleep over it. Luckily, she has taken next week off, so I will get a much needed break from her stupidity.

The cat's butt still isn't quite right. It went like this: I found he had some sketchy poop back on the Friday the 7th. On Monday, when it didn't clear up with a bit of rice over the weekend, I called the vet. Brought him in Tuesday the 11th. He was given a week's worth of antibiotics. By the 18th, it still wasn't gone so I called back. They said to give him plain rice and boiled chicken. A few days later, it still hadn't cleared up. I called the following Friday, and they said to come pick up a probiotic to add to his food. Got that Saturday the 22nd. Yesterday I noticed that his poop was looking even a little worse than before. Called vet again, brought him in today. Learned that the probiotic will take about two weeks to kick in, and was given special food in case it's an allergy. Yeesh. I feel so bad for the little guy. Luckily, his funky poo isn't as bad as it could be- he's still only going once or twice a day, and it's not totally explosive diarrhea. He even gained a third of a pound since his last visit to the vet. Hopefully the probiotic and the new food will do the trick. Right now he is super pissed at me for dragging him to the vet, though. He's been sulking upstairs ever since we got home (except for dinner time, of course).

Everything else is pretty much the same. Pizza's ready, gotta go.

Part 2 of 2

As promised, here is the big work update. A few interesting things were brought to light recently, so I want to start the story back at the end of 2009 and do this chronologically.

As the end of 2009 rolled around, Optelecom knew it was in trouble. They were losing money, and had to face some tough decisions. Eventually, the choice was made to shut down the manufacturing department in the US (keeping the one in Europe), but that would still cost them a lot of money in severance. In order to cover that cost, they decided to sell my tiny department to Nufern, who had expressed an interest in acquiring the department at some point earlier in time.

The president of Nufern had to sell this idea to the parent company and his board of directors. After what I imagine was a lot of sweet talking, they agreed, and he brought an offer to Optelecom. It seemed that Optelecom had a way to make a horrible situation much less awful- three jobs would be saved, and the rest would get comfortable severance packages to soften the blow. But it wouldn't be that easy.

Quick side note: One might assume anyone with a tiny bit of common sense would know that everything in business has a budget. You don't need an MBA to realize that Nufern had a specific dollar amount that they were willing to spend on this acquisition, and that somebody with a fancy financial degree had spent a lot of time analyzing the various aspects of the transaction to arrive at this number. Pretty obvious, right? Ok, continuing on...

It was now January. Nufern had made their offer to Optelecom, and the next step was to get the head of the department on board. Nufern decided to offer my Old Boss an employment contract. It would put his salary, benefits, and obligations on paper. Everything would be clearly laid out for everyone's benefit. I don't know the specifics of what his contract said, but I understand it was nearly identical (except for the numbers, of course) to the one they would eventually offer me.

They brought Old Boss in, and told him Nufern wanted to buy the department. Optelecom could not at that time mention anything about the situation with manufacturing, so all he knew was that Optelecom wanted to get rid of the department. This should not have come as a shock. The company had been moving farther and farther away from fiber products, leaving us in the dust. We were the red-headed stepchild of the company, and we knew the new CEO had very little interest in us. But for whatever reason, he balked. How could they do this!? He worked there for over 20 years! He was livid. He read over the contract, but instead of seeing it as a small bit of security, he saw it as some sort of stranglehold.

Old Boss became severely defensive, and told them he wanted to consult a lawyer- not a crazy request by any means. But Optelecom was looking to make this deal quickly since they knew the layoffs would need to happen soon, and they wanted to give people as much notice as possible. Unfortunately, Old Boss had no way of knowing this, and decided to take his time. He consulted a lawyer and later told me that the lawyer had told him Optelecom was desperate, and reminded him that contracts are negotiable. Now, I don't know if this was also legal advice or if it was something he inferred, but Old Boss decided to exploit that little fact.

Old Boss apparently demanded a pretty incredible amount of money. Like a really huge amount. Nobody has mentioned what that amount was, but I get the distinct idea that it was obscene. It's true that he was a pretty valuable asset, but I think he regarded himself as absolutely irreplaceable. I also think that he came off as super arrogant to Nufern, and put himself in a bad light. Nufern came back with a counter offer, and he refused. They tried again, he refused again. It was his way or the highway. Nufern, now frustrated and angry, chose the highway.

It was late March when Nufern pulled their offer. They were furious. Old Boss left them with no choice but to go back to their parent company and board of directors with the bad news, and hope they could fix it. Optelecom was running out of time, and had no money for severance packages. Everybody looked bad. It was a mess.

Eventually Nufern came back with a new offer, much to Optelecom's relief. Old Boss was specifically excluded in the deal, and because they were not getting him, they offered a lot less this time. I don't think Optelecom had a choice but to accept their offer.

It seems to me like Old Boss didn't really think his choices through at all. I don't think he intended to screw everyone over, but that's what would have happened. Remember that Side Note above? Well, if Old Boss had gotten what he wanted, there would have been less in the pot to go around- I certainly would have been out of a job, and probably my coworker too. I know he was partly upset about the idea of having to relocate, but there is nothing that says we have to. The worst case scenario: work for Nufern until it's time to move, use that time to think about the next job. Now he has no job, no raise, no bonuses, nothing. And if Nufern hadn't made a second offer, I feel quite certain that Optelecom would have laid us all off and sold our equipment to the highest bidder. How he failed to see that, I'll never know.

Old Boss stormed in one day, put all his personal belongings in a box, and talked about how we couldn't trust Optelecom. My coworker and I asked if we were all being laid off, but he said he couldn't say either way. Over the next week or two, we were brought in on the sale of the department, and given the option to sign contracts as well. I learned that all three contracts were essentially the same. We were all offered raises, bonuses, benefits... the only downside was that Nufern offered less vacation time. In my case, I got 5 weeks total of paid time off with Optelecom, and they offered 3. When I mentioned it, they bumped it up to 4 weeks to lessen the blow. I also asked for a bigger raise, knowing that Old Boss wasn't going along for the ride. Old Boss encouraged me to ask for the moon, but I didn't feel comfortable starting off a new business relationship with extortion. In mid-April, Old Boss left for vacation.

On April 12th, the deal was done. I became a Nufern employee. On the 13th, my coworker and I met our new bosses and learned a bit about the company. I had a really hard time understanding what it was about this company that made Old Boss so upset. President: super nice. New Boss: awesome. And the best part? Going from a company where nobody gives a shit about you, to a company where you're an integral part of their future. I haven't felt this appreciated at work EVER. It's making me sad that I won't be moving to Connecticut. About a week later, Old Boss came back from vacation and was promptly laid off.

The coworker and I had a chance to visit their big facility in CT, and it was great. We only flew up for the day, and were kept very busy the entire time there. First we were greeted by everyone in the lobby, and I mean everyone. There were donuts and bagels and coffee and chit-chat. We met a boatload of people, and got a bag of shwag and our super keen laboratory notebooks. Fun side note: the CT facility is only about a 45 min. drive from Webs. Nice. There was a tour, and we got to see where they make the optical fiber. The building is state of the art, and beautiful. My coworker and I both marveled at how clean it was- they have full time janitorial staff. We can't even get someone to vacuum our lab. Before we knew it, we were back on a plane with all our shwag and a ton of paperwork to fill out.

New Boss is just fantastic, and frankly, I think he's a better boss. He's more professional, and lacks Old Boss's tendency to be a bit of a drama queen. He's very matter-of-fact. He's not afraid to admit when he doesn't know something- but he always finds the answer. I love that his emails are straight to the point, and that my response can be too. No flowery prose needed! But he's still fun, and has a good sense of humor. He's understanding when things go wrong, but at the same time expects us to do our best so that things don't go wrong. It's just so much easier to work for him.

So here I am. It's working out well so far. The news about manufacturing came out, and they had about 6 weeks notice. I feel lucky to have escaped their fate, and hopefully everything will continue to go smoothly.