Fun Times

It looks like I have about 6 more weeks until I have to move up to Connecticut. I spent the six weeks prior to my last move pretty zonked out on Xanax most of the time, and it looks like this move won't be any different. The amount of jackassery at work is multiplying exponentially, and it has me a little freaked out. I'm sort of half expecting to hate life once I move. Also, moving several hundred miles by myself is a little terrifying. It was hard enough having to move out- and live by myself for the first time- in the same area, where nothing else changes... Same job, same friends, same doctor, etc. So anyhoo, I'm a bit stressed out. Really, the past year has never made me feel more grateful for modern pharmaceuticals. If it wasn't for Xanax, I'd surely be rocking back and forth in a padded room somewhere. Now it's time to start packing and planning. Luckily, this time, my company will be footing the bill for the move. I get to have a truck and people to load it for me. At least that will be nice.

In other news, I started reading The Exorcist a couple days ago. It's fucking scary. I saw the movie when I was 12, and my mother was pretty upset when she came home as it was ending. I told her I didn't see what the big deal was- it was a creepy movie, but not exactly horrifying. Then she went into one of her speeches about how different things were back then, and it was a huge deal when it came out, blah, blah, blah... I'm sure being 12 I couldn't care less and tuned it out. But the book (as is generally the case) blows the movie out of the water. For two days I've been sort of afraid of my refrigerator because it makes random knocking sounds.



I also had a brief foray into online dating. Then ended pretty quickly after getting a message from a super creepy guy telling me he's into torture porn. That's just what the ladies love to hear. Now I don't want to date again ever. I think I'll just live alone in a crappy apartment for the rest of my days, with my tortoise and Spencer. Eventually I'll get a cat. I found a tiny condo near my company, so I can buy that and live there pretty cheaply until my heart gives out from eating copious amounts of cheese. That's certainly preferable to winding up in torture porn guy's basement.

That's my exciting life these days. Stay tuned for posts detailing my possible nervous breakdown over the next six weeks!

Russian Tortoise Soup

I haven't done much blogging because honestly I haven't really done anything noteworthy. Except I did get myself a Russian tortoise. I named him Soup.


I did a fair amount of research before getting him, and found out there are a TON of important things you need to know about these little guys. And after Soup's first visit to the vet, I sort of gathered that most people don't take the time to learn about these guys before buying one. So I thought I would share what I've learned, and what I'm doing.

First of all, Soup is a hatchling. I bought him online from Backwater Reptiles. I didn't have any special reason for ordering from them, other than availability. He arrived pretty healthy (from what I could tell), but he was cold. It is important to note that tortoises under 4" can't be sold except for research/educational purposes, which is why you'll only find 4"+ at pet stores. It's a very lax law, but it exists. I would not buy a tortoise from a pet store for the same reasons you wouldn't want a puppy from a pet store- they're often stressed and unhealthy, and you don't know where they came from. Many are caught in the wild (with tiny parasites in their guts) and shipped halfway around the world. You want to look for captive bred, and my vet also brought up looking into whether any quarantine procedures are used by the breeder. Oh, and you can't tell the sex until they're at least a few inches, so if you want a baby you can't be picky.

Before Soup came home, I made sure I set up his habitat.



Cage: I use a 56 gallon Rubbermaid tub, which is about 42"x18"x21". It's bigger than what he needs now, but he won't outgrow it. It is important to use an opaque container, because they will go nuts trying to get out of a clear one.

Substrate: I wound up going through a few substrates before I found one I liked, which turned out to be what the vet prefers as well: shredded newspaper. I tried shredded Cyprus, alfalfa pellets, and a sand/coconut fiber blend. The Cyprus was too rough, the alfalfa got moldy, and the sand/coconut was too messy. I was also afraid the sand would get in his eyes. I really like the shredded newspaper- it's cheap, easy for Soup to dig in, and easy to clean or replace. Fluffed up, it's about 3-4" deep. I only keep the substrate on one side of the tub, so he can be fed on the other end without accidentally eating the paper, and he also tends to eliminate on the other end so it's easy to clean up.

Light/heat: Soup has a combo heat/UVB bulb- the UVB is super important for shell development. It's a $60 bulb, but it saves me from needing yet ANOTHER lamp. He also has a little nightlight- a 40 watt red bulb. My apartment is a little chillier than what tortoises like at night, and this kicks it up a couple degrees for his comfort and health. Both lights are hooked up to timers, and are on for 12 hours each. His habitat is kept at about 95 degrees directly under the heat lamp, about 80-85 in the rest of the substrate section, and 70-75 at night.

Decor: He has a couple of flat rocks to climb over, and a box to explore or hide in. I also gave him a paper cup, a jingle bell, and a plastic ball that he can nudge around.

Now onto diet! Soup recently added yummy T-Rex brand pellets to his main diet of leafy greens. He loves romaine, green lettuce, escarole, and collard greens. I also have a couple of supplements by Rep Cal, but now that he's on pellets they are less important. I still give him calcium once a week, mushed into the pellets (which I soften in water). There is a cuttle bone (for calcium) in his habitat too, but I don't think he nibbles on it. I leave it in there for an extra thing to climb around on.



Speaking of water, hydration is super important. Soup gets soaked for about 10 minutes every day. He also has a humidity box in his habitat (hiding in the substrate), which is a tupperware container cave with some damp sphagnum moss in it. I don't keep a water dish in his habitat because he is small enough that if he managed to flip over in it, he would drown.


And some basic info on Soup: I think he was hatched in mid-late summer, which would make him about 5-6 months or so. He will live about 50 years, and grow to be 6-12", depending on sex. Right now he is 2" from the front to back of his shell, and 25 grams. And he is as cute as a button.

And I think that about wraps it up. Here are some more pictures for your enjoyment.

Art Meets Science, Sort of

This past week I kept seeing that commercial for the correspondence art school that has you draw the bear as your application- as a kid it was advertised in the back of magazines. I'm sure you'd recognize it if you saw it. Anyway, I always thought it was funny, and for whatever reason I googled it. It turns out a correspondence art school certificate will cost you a cool $3485, but that does include books and supplies. And they do offer scholarships. Well. I really had no choice but to request more information.

I'm absolutely dying to see the application. I have every intention of applying (assuming there is no application fee), despite the fact that I lack any artistic skill or talent. I did invest in a drawing book, so I could put forth my best effort when I draw the infamous bear.

The first exercise is drawing your own feet. I went out and bought fancy-pants drawing pencils, a gum eraser, and a sketch book. Then I drew my feet.


Fucking terrible, as expected. But hey, the point is to have a bit of fun and maybe learn something new.

The next night I had an idea. I was going to get plastered and see how well I would do then. I honestly thought it would just be funny. So I picked up some beer.

Yesterday after work, I had some dinner and got to drinking. I redid the feet exercise after just 2 beers.


Yup, still awful. But what if I keep drinking? Sick of looking at my feet, I decided to switch to Spencer...


Hmm. If you've seen any of my previous attempts to sketch my dog, you'd probably agree this is an improvement. Interesting. I think it was at this point that I decided popping a Xanax might help. Also perhaps a shot of whiskey.


Spencer up close, and better still! I could be onto something. Then I remembered another exercise in the book- drawing your own hand. More booze!


Ok. I really think that this is not bad for someone with zero training and devoid of artistic talent. Now I'm in trouble because I want to keep getting shit faced to see what else I can draw. Sadly, I imagine very few hospitals accept crappy sketches in lieu of payment for liver transplants.

Three or four months of adventures, one post!‏

Now that I’ve lured you in with a promising title, the bait and switch: there are no adventures, really. I’m quite dull. But read this anyway, because I’m also odd and do stupid crap- it might turn out to be funny. Or sad. Or both.

Work has been super hectic. I think there may be a plot to kill me with a combination of stress and exhaustion. I’ve accrued roughly 4 weeks of vacation time that I need to take by the end of the year, but I have no time to take it- they’re keeping me too busy. I had serious thoughts about taking off all of December, but I think that might make my boss’s head explode. Which would be fine, except then I’d have to deal with the customers and I don’t want that at all.

My apartment community is getting new siding, windows, and sliding doors. Mostly this is awesome- my apartment's windows and door are already done, and they are much quieter. I like this. The downside is threefold: First, they start working at 8 am which sucks ass if you're trying to sleep in because you worked a 16 hour day, came home and consumed a buttload of caffeine without thinking about it, and subsequently didn't get to sleep until almost 3 am. Second, a few of the Latino workers say things as I pass by that include "mi amore" and "perrito," but I don't understand the rest. I hope they're saying nice things. And third, sometimes navigating to and from my front door requires more coordination than I am capable of (especially first thing in the morning). It is fortunate that I am lithe and have good balance- I've had to carry a furious, squirming pug over boxes of new siding and piles of old siding, around scaffolding, and under ladders. The guys are pretty good about trying to clear a path for me, but sometimes getting home involves movements reminiscent of interpretive dance.

Last weekend was deliciously lazy, but sometimes sleeping very late means forgetting to take my meds. It was placebo week for the most important pill, and with my guard down I plumb forgot about the Zoloft. For three days. Oops. On the bright side, it lead to an interesting Sunday. What follows is an exerpt of my thoughts on that day:

My face tingles.
Lolol!!1! Wait, why am I laughing?
I can't stop moving.
It's hot in here.
Pacing is good.
I'm cold.
I should knit something.
I can't think straight! What's wrong with my brain!
Why is it so bright out? Fuck off, sun!
Why can't I remember yesterday?
I'm so hungry! Eat all the things!
What was that noise!?
I can't stop moving. Why can't I stop moving?
It's hot in here.
Must pace more. More!
My neck hurts. What if I have meningitis!?!?
I can't sleep.
I'm should go to infomercial art school!
I think my face just crawled away.
I still can't sleep.
I feel dizzy.
Maybe I should knit a t-shirt for this little Dracula guy.



And that's what Zoloft withdrawal feels like! I was pretty freaked out until I realized what was going on, but by Monday morning I felt normal again. It was then that I also realized that I may have had a slightly manic episode on Saturday. My memory is pretty crappy, but at some point I decided that I needed to strip little tins, apply a toner resist, salt-water etch them, and then copper plate them. My fun with science was super cool for a few hours, but then I got bored (classic Amanda) when I realized I needed a stronger paint stripper, and even unpainted tins have some sort of clear coating on them (I presume to make them rust-proof). I really do need some sort of supervision...

The giant bottle of copper sulfate pool cleaner


The first lid with the toner resist


Two nine volt batteries, wired together


The first lid in the electrified salt water solution, after about 5 minutes


And after a couple of hours


Front to back, these are the etched lid, copper plated lid, and an untouched lid


Basically nothing worked very well because the lids were coated. I figured that out afterward. The best part of the whole thing was the look on the guy's face at the pool supply store when I tried to explain what I was going to do. Anyhow, next time I try this I'm going to need some very strong paint stripper and I think a bigger battery- I drained those two nine volts pretty quick.

I had one more fun experiment to tell you about, but I think it should have it's own post. Stay tuned.

Pretend I Posted This On Friday

I blog to you today from the lovely state of Connecticut! I am here again to train our new winder, which is really very boring. My trip goes something like this:

3:15am- Wake up (barely), shower, etc.
4:30am- Leave for BWI, try not to kill myself or others by falling asleep at the wheel.
5:30am- Arrive at BWI, try not to fall asleep on the shuttle, in the security line, or at the gate; lest my things be stolen. Acquire coffee.
6:30am- Board plane, doze off while playing Sudoku.
7:30am- Arrive in CT, take shuttle to Enterprise.
7:35am- Schmooze rental guy, pay for a compact but receive a premium car. Do happy dance on the inside, and be grateful that I didn't let myself go.
8:00am-ish- Arrive at work. Acquire more coffee and also animal crackers. Locate boss.
8:15am- Critique trainees work thus far. Sit in the room while she practices, intermittently answer questions, check her progress every once in a while and offer advice, but mostly play on my phone or check email. Internally debate whether I would get in trouble for knitting.
12:00pm- Have lunch, usually with the engineer.
1:00pm- See 8:15am.
5:00pm- Leave work.
5:20pm- Hit a drive thru on the way to the hotel.
5:30pm- Relax in hotel room, watch crappy TV, and eventually zonk out.
7:30am- Wake up late, rush to shower, get my things and check out.
8:15am- Get to work 15 min late, blame it on "getting turned around."
8:30am- See the first 8:15am.
3:00pm- Drop off rental, get shuttled to airport

And blah, blah, blah… I'm sure you know how it goes. I eventually get home around 7-7:30, and veg out, typically with yet another fast food meal. Tonight I've been invited to have dinner with the trainee and her husband, which should be fun. I will be immensely grateful to have a home-cooked meal. And maybe on one of my future trips I can get some people to go out for beers or something. The engineer took me out for beers last week when he was in Maryland, and I may have gotten a little more drunk than I intended. He was kind enough to give me a lift home, and then back the next day to get my Jeep. But now I know: 1 beer + food = OK. 3 beers + mostly empty stomach = sloshed.

With all the overtime I racked up, I decided to treat myself to a new phone. I had the same original iPhone, which became insanely slow with the v4 software update. It was getting annoying, and I wanted a 16g that would fit my entire iTunes library. But last summer I gave my upgrade to Cass, and wouldn't be eligible for another until February 2012. So I went in the AT&T store expecting to dish out full price for an iPhone 4. Instead (and possibly, like the rental car, due to being cute) I wound up paying half price. Of course I had to resign my contract, but whatevs. I got my phone. And I love it. It's faster, and fits all my music, and the retina display is incredible. Mostly I love that all I had to do was hook up my old phone to my MacBook, make sure all my recent purchases were transferred, and then hook up my new phone. Everything copied over, easy as pie.

I won't lie. I subscribe to the Cult of Apple. I just like having things that work together so seamlessly. I guess time will tell if I really want to keep drinking the Apple Kool-Aid or not… It's easy to love new things. I know how crappy and slow my old laptop got after three years, so we'll see if the MacBook does better. I'm betting it will, unless a software update comes out that it can't support, driving millions to buy a new version or deal with their newly useless machine.

The Apartment Post

It's been a month now, and the apartment is getting there. There are still a few things (mainly my closet) that need to be sorted, but I'm otherwise settled. Here are a few photos to show it off:

My bedroom. Note my creepy little dude on the nightstand. He still requires tiny knitwear. My "headboard" is just shutters. I had been looking online for cheap headboards, and couldn't find much under $100 that would fit my full size bed. Then one day I saw the shutters at Home Depot. A pair cost about $35, so the total cost was less than $80 with tax. They're very simple to put up, but I think I will have a lot of spackling to do when I move out.


The next three are of my "dining area," which is more like my office. I've never been good at eating at a table anyway, so this made more sense. I stole the caution tape and danger sign from work. :) The desk lamp on my Robot Rocketship Table has two outlets on the base, so I can plug in my laptop. Score.




This is my awesome new couch, which is much bigger than it seemed at the store. I'm keeping a fleece throw on it to protect it from Spencer's schmoogy and snarfles, and also from my own sloppy self. It's honestly pretty big, and very deep. It's almost like having a twin bed in my living room, and I love that. Also pictured is my yarn cabinet, proudly displaying the better parts of my stash.


Moving on to the kitchen! First I must say that the best part of unpacking was when I opened up my new (and very, very inexpensive) IKEA cookware set and discovered that it is GRADUATED. For reals! Cups and liters, right up the sides! How freaking awesome is that!? I love it.


My new cast iron pan/mini-wok thing is pretty sweet too- I found it for half off at the Williams-Sonoma outlet in Leesburg. It's a Staub, which I had never heard of, but some lady at the store (just another customer) gushed about hers as she was buying some other stuff nearby. Hopefully she's right- I haven't tried it out yet, as I haven't cooked more than Mac & Cheese since moving in.


Back in January, when I was still feeling resentful about the situation, I decided that if I was going to have to move out, I wanted to fill the new place with things Scott would hate... or at least not like. So I bought these:


Little, reusable wiener-cicles. I use them often, and smile when I do.

During a quiet day at work, I found a fun use for the label maker tape that we accidentally bought (it's 1/2" not our typical 1/4"). Baking with flour and sugar is dullsville. I prefer anthrax and arsenic.


And the most used thing in my kitchen: the butter crock. It was a gift from my friend, Karen, and it's incredible. You fill the lid with butter, put some cold water in the base, and keep it on the counter. Creamy, soft, spreadable butter is then available at your whim. I'm on my third loaf of cinnamon toast. My cholesterol levels are sure to suffer, but I don't care. I will gladly shave a few years off my life if it means enjoying delicious, real butter instead of margarine.


Karen gave it to me at a surprise knit-night housewarming. It turns out that my knitty pals did not feel that giving up a Saturday morning to help me move was altruistic enough- they had to go and be even more supportive and awesome by giving me awesome things like hand-knits and soaps and extra well-wishes and such. I am exceptionally lucky to have such amazing friends!

Living on my own is teaching me some new things. Number one: Know where the Verizon guy will need to go when he comes to install your cable, so that you do not have to suddenly hide your underthings and then freak him out by accidentally leaving your giant shotgun right where he will be. Number two: The new-fangled anchors that seem like they will be awesome might actually suck very hard, and you should stick with what you know will work so that you do not wind up having to spackle many holes and sand wood glue off the wall (it seemed like a good idea). And number three: When doing laundry for the first time in a new place, if you discover that the dryer is not plugged in, you should also consider that the vent hose is not hooked up either. The amount of lint that will explode out the back of the dryer in three seconds is pretty astounding.

I have a new TV now, which isn't very different from the one I left behind, but I also got a Blu-Ray player. At the old place, we just used the Xbox to watch DVDs, so movies in HD are sort of new for me. I was surprised that I could really tell the difference! But sadly, my favorite low-budget horror movies are harder to watch. The fake sets and props that looked fine before look pretty cheesy now. Hopefully as technology gets cheaper, the low-budget stuff will eventually have better CG effects, and they will be able to digitally enhance some of the fakery.

That's my big apartment post. Stay tuned for a non-apartment post detailing the other minutia of my dull life!

For Starters

My List of Reasons Getting Divorced Might Not Be So Bad

1. My bathroom is way cleaner, and I'm not cleaning toothpaste dribbles and beard shavings out of the sink every day.

2. I can watch whatever I please on TV without snarky comments- whether it's reality TV or a silly family movie starring Eddie Murphy.

3. The only grumbling I hear comes from Spencer, and I can squirt him with the water bottle if it annoys me.

4. There is a hot pink Robot-Rocketship table in my dining room, and I love it.

5. I can eat whatever the fuck I want. This means that baby carrots with ranch dressing and some toast is an acceptable meal. And I can make all the crappy food I want: Frito Pie, my mom's spaghetti (with ground beef! Sacrilege!), Hamburger Helper, casseroles, etc.

6. The house is cleaner. I'm not cleaning peanut butter fingerprints off the cabinets, and there aren't spots of tar (or grease or whatever gets on his shoes when he rides his motorcycle) on the carpet.

7. I don't need to constantly relocate piles of laundry when I want to vacuum or go to bed.

8. The wooden spoons aren't destroyed from being put in the dishwasher.

9. The dishwasher gets loaded the right way- with the dirty side facing the water spray.

10. The grocery bill is WAY cheaper.

11. I don't have to hide snacks so that they don't get eaten before I've had a chance to eat any.

12. It's much nicer to sleep without the chorus of snoring and gnashing teeth.

13. The sheets are all mine! Mine! MINE!! Mwahahahahaha!

14. Nobody makes me feel inferior for having wacky serotonin levels.

15. I can leave my knitting wherever the hell I want, muthafucka!

16. I can use up all the hot water without guilt.

17. For all the reasons above and more I haven't thought of yet, my life is much less stressful.

Naked Bacon

Right now I am watching TV in my hotel room in Connecticut. I woke up at 3:30am to catch a 6:30am flight up here, and got to work by 8:00am. Yeesh. Thankfully, my boss let me leave a little early, so I could explore the area. I found two yarn shops, each within a 10 minute drive from the office! They were both great, and I bought yarn without really thinking about how I would fit it all in my (already full) bag for the flight home.

I don't know why I ever thought I wouldn't like it here, but I think I might love Connecticut. There is no traffic. None. At least not around this part (near Bradley airport). The people are nice, it's clean, and the suburbs are not packed to capacity with apartments and townhouses. The office and lab here are awesome- the facility is top notch. I saw the plans for the new lab that will be built by next year, and it is going to be HUGE. And awesome.

Work lately is busy, but not busy enough to drive a girl crazy. I've started training a new winder (which is why I'm up here in CT), and my boss tells me he's hoping to move me up the ranks to a supervisor when I move here next year.

So that's work. In my not-work life, things are going well, too. I am all moved into my new apartment, thanks to some very wonderful friends. I had a lot of great help! We did it all in just 2 hours. All my boxes are unpacked, but I've been lazy about getting things organized. I have some super cool stuff, which I will post pictures of later, but never did get around to painting any pegboard pink. So far, living alone is pretty great for all the obvious reasons surrounding doing whatever the hell I want.

Scott and I met at our old bank last week to wrap up our finances, and it was definitely one of those moments that I will always look back on and think, "This is why I should be glad he asked for a divorce." He was demanding and impatient in his usual way. The whole time we sat there, I kept thinking about how I'd never have to listen to his "I'm irritated and I'm going to make sure everyone knows it" grumblings again. No more growling at the general public, or at me while I'm talking, driving, standing in the wrong spot ("hovering"), moving too much, not moving fast enough, or any of the other zillion things I didn't do right.

Perhaps I will create a list of things I love about my new start sometime soon. For now, I need to get to sleep so I can get to work in the morning. Hooray for overtime! Which I will need to pay for the yarn I just bought!


Top to bottom and left to right they are:
Ellen Cooper's Yarn Sonnets Zohar's Socks, color: Fern Gully; Liberty Fibers Fingering Weight Merino, color: Suede; Lobster Pot Yarns (omg cashmere!), color: Hydrangea; Malabrigo Rasta, color: Azules; Koigu KPPPM, color: P441; Kauni Effectgarn 8/2, color: EA; and Lang Jawoll Magic, color: 84.0065.

Pthbt

It turns out that going to the grocery store on Valentine's Day while in the midst of a painful separation is not a good idea. It is filled with amorous people buying flowers, chocolates, and ingredients for romantic meals. You might wind up going back to your Jeep and sobbing quietly into your bag of pickles, malted milk balls, and pads; and wondering where it all went wrong.

But then, if you are lucky, you might return home to find that your awesome sister has sent you (and only you- not "Mr. & Mrs.") a Valentine's Day card, signed by each of your 4 favorite nieces and nephews, and it will make your entire day, week, and probably month.

Valentine's Day still sucks though.

A New Phase

I still have 3 weeks before moving. I want to keep moving and getting things done, but there's not a whole lot I can do right now being that far out. I've decided that I'm going to buy some furniture- a couch and bed- instead of trying to move a futon and a big chair I don't really want. It's not so much the "moving it in" part, but what to do with it once I don't need it. Craigslist and Freecycle are okay, but I'm not super keen on the idea of parading strangers through my apartment when it will be easy to see that I live alone. So for the sake of convenience, I'll just get new stuff. That way someone else has to deal with moving it in.

So anyway, with more time to sit and do nothing, I started to realize that all my packing and planning was a terrific way to keep my brain from actually dealing with the situation. Now it's starting to seep in, and I think I'm trying to come up with things (like buying new furniture) to push it back out. I spend a silly amount of time at Lowes thinking up ridiculous ways to decorate, and then I go home and try to think of ways to do it cheaper. I figure it's fine as long as my coping mechanisms aren't self-destructive. I can deal with it all when my mind decides it's ready.

I think I'll go to the mall today. Maybe I can find some bookends. Retail therapy is only destructive if you spend beyond your means, right? Otherwise it's okay, right? At least for a little while?

Well Okay Then

The past month (or two or three) have been a little nutty. Actually a lot nutty. It turns out that Scott wants a divorce, and as he can afford the mortgage, I will be moving out. I don't really want to get into the hows and whys of it all on the internets, but the very, very general summery of it is as follows:

Things were very, very tense between us for several months. A few weeks ago, I asked if it was over. He said yes. It's not what I wanted, but one person does not a marriage make. There was a week or so of debilitating depression before I picked myself up by the bootstraps and decided my only choice was to move on.

I think my mildly traumatic adolescence has led to my brain developing a few crossed wires. When life is good, I find things to complain about. I develop anxieties. I pretty much suck at being happy. It's like I'm just waiting for a shoe to drop somewhere. But when something epically shitty happens, I'm right at home. I feel normal. Suddenly I'm making plans and doing things and being a generally normal, productive adult. So the past couple weeks have been surprisingly not that bad.

I got an apartment. Things are being done to move our separation along smoothly. It seems like the pieces are coming together nicely to form my own little life sans Scott. I'm doing a fantastic job of grasping tightly to any good that has come of the situation- I can decorate any way I want. I can watch crappy movies without hearing snide comments. When I buy ice cream it won't disappear in two days before I've had a chance to eat any. It's truly the little things that count, folks.

And to be honest, I'm pretty stoked about living by myself. I went straight from living at home to living with Scott, so it's new territory for me. It's a little scary, but I'm sure it will be good for me.

So anyway, that's what I've been up to the past several weeks. My moving date is March 6th, so until then I'll mostly be packing and getting ready. Hopefully I will get settled quickly, so I can take a zillion pictures of the awesomeness I have planned for my new place (two words: pink pegboard).

Wish me luck!

Lazy Winter

I'm home sick with a sore throat, which I think makes eating ice cream for breakfast acceptable. I spent the whole weekend on the couch, but got some knitting done. I finished my gloves! They are toasty warm- it's like my hands don't even know they are outside. I had planned on doing all the fingers in a stranded checker board (like the thumb gussets), but there was too much bulk and it took forever. So I just striped them and called it a day. Now I'm really excited to start some thrummed mittens! Omg warm!


Like many people, I hated winter and cold weather until I thought of it like a season-long puzzle: how do you fix being cold? Cold outside = warm woolly gloves and hats and scarves. Cold inside = warm sweaters and rice warmers and hot water bottles. It could also be related to the milder Maryland winters, but I think mostly it was just that, until recently, I was never dressed warmly enough. I never wore a hat, rarely owned a warm coat or gloves, and walked through snow in Chuck Talyors. Ok so maybe many of those issues were also affected by knitting. But in any case, once I figured out how to leave the house and still be comfortable, winter wasn't so bad. Now I'm thinking about this further, and it's like you just have to get back to the mindset of a child. Kids freaking love snow. Snow to them means snowmen, sledding, and no school. Little kids are typically bundled up by their parents. They don't worry about hat-head or looking silly in snow pants. They also don't have to worry about driving in the snow either. So: bundle your ass up (regardless of smooshed hair), drive something with 4WD, and go build a snowman. And quit bitching. After all, you can always put more on, but you can only take so much off (which is why winter is better than summer)(so nyah!).

I've made some progress on my afghan. It is pretty hideous, in a seventies sort of way, but I love it nonetheless. It's about 18" long now, and I might have enough yarn to finish it. After the first few stripes, it seemed like one skein would only get me 2 stripes, but it turned out that I can get at least 3, maybe 4. I have 3 skeins of every color except the dark green of which I have 6 (since it comes up twice in the color sequence). Each stripe is about 1". So 3 stripes per skein x 3 skeins x 8 colors (counting dark green twice) = 72 stripes/inches. It is roughly 73" wide, so that would be perfect. I really don't mind working with Red Heart. I guess I'm a terrible yarn snob, but it seems cozy enough to me. I'm sort of excited about crocheting more Red Heart blankets. I could make little ones for the pets! Omg I am one step closer to becoming my Aunt Ev.

My Aunt Ev taught me to knit. She was tough but not brash, and made awesome Stollen at Christmas. She and my uncle would spend their summers in Minnesota, and after his death she still made the drive up there every year. I hope that when I'm seventy I still have it in me to pack up a summer's worth of crap and a dog, and drive a Suburban 600 miles by myself while fighting two (!) cancers. While she knew how to knit, Aunt Ev was mainly a crocheter. She made a blanket for every wedding and every baby. She was also crafty in other ways (toll painting like my mom, cross stitch, etc.), and (also like my mom) had a craft room that looked like it could land her on an episode of Hoarders. A room that smelled just like walking into a Michaels, and was packed with enough boxes and bags to be a fire hazard. I love those rooms. Sure, they might signify a mild craft-shopping obsession, but they also contain so much promise... It's sort of amazing to walk in as a kid and imagine all the amazing things you could do. Yarn! Paint! Stick wreathes! Oh, the endless possibilities! Anyways, she was a great lady, and I hope one day to also create a zillion afghans that my family will remember fondly even if they are oh-so-very [insert decade here].


Our holidays were nice and relaxing- I had 10 days off, thanks to a mandatory shut down. We didn't have to go anywhere or do anything (well, poor Scott had to work...). It was awesome. I made beer bread and watched movies most of the time. Scott got me a new laptop- a MacBook Pro! It is teh sexy. I loves it. It's super fast and easy to figure out (for someone whose Mac experience consists of once typing a paper in the Mac lab in high school). I didn't get the MS office suite; instead I downloaded OpenOffice for free. It can read all my Word documents from the old laptop, no problem. I also installed Sophos Anti-Virus for Macs (also free). The only other thing I'd like to do is install Firefox instead of Safari. Safari is not my favorite- it doesn't feel as intuitive, bookmarks aren't as quick to access, and it doesn't remember my Ravelry username.

And last but not least, if you're in the DC area and up early: Scott will be on 105.9 The Edge on Wednesday morning promoting the DC Tattoo Expo! He and his boss will be on The Kirk and Mike Show. The show is on from 6 to 10 am, but I don't know exactly when they'll be on. Go listen! Wednesday!

Whenever I listen to gangsta rap, I mentally replace all the n-words with "knitta." Sometimes this leads to thinking that Snoop Dogg might REALLY be a knitter...

Lodi dodi, we likes to party
We don't cause trouble, we don't bother nobody
We're, just some [knittaz] who're on the mic
And when we rock up on the mic we rock the mic right
For all my Doggs keepin y'all in health
Just to see you smile and enjoy yourself
Cuz it's cool when ya cause a cozy conditionin
Which we create, cuz that's our mission
-Lodi Dodi

It just seems to fit, doesn't it?

Speaking of knitting, I need to get to work on a few things. First on the list will be a cowl, or short scarf of some sort. This morning, while stooping to pick up Spencer's poo, my scarf swung forward and very nearly touched the poo. Being very anti-poo-on-my-clothing, but pro-warm-neck, this seems like a good solution.

The other item bumped up the list is a pair of woolly mittens or gloves. I've been wearing my fingerless mitts over a cheap pair of those stretchy, acrylic gloves. I don't know how I made it through last winter with only those gloves (actually, I think I've always worn those cheap gloves). Now I can feel the massive difference between them and the woolly fingerless mitts- which are warmer even without fingers! Anyway, I bought some wool for them over the summer, but need to get another set of DPNs so I can do both at the same time.

The last thing I moved up the list is a cardigan. I just desperately want a warm sweater. I feel like I'm cold all the time. We are keeping the house at 68°, work claims to be 73° but my machine is right next to a window and also the thermostat is a filthy liar, and the Jeep is a bit drafty. I have a second course of action that involves sewing cotton bags filled with rice. I think I'll make a bunch- two for at home, one for work, and maybe some for gifts? We'll see. My coworker claims that the Asian market sells rice for $10 per 25 lbs, but I remain skeptical. I found 50 lb bags online that go for $60-70, so her guess seems awfully cheap. We are going there tomorrow, so we'll see.

The afghan I started is freaking awesome, and may be hard to put down. I'm only about 6" into it, but it's wide enough to cover our queen size bed. Unfortunately I figured out that the amount of yarn I purchased for this project is laughable. I bought 8 skeins of Red Heart. I think I might need more like 30. Luckily, Red Heart has no dye lot so I can just buy them as I need them, more or less. Unless they discontinue colors. Crap. Do they do that? Maybe I need to go back to Michaels this weekend.

Yesterday and Today in 20 Items

1. Argued with cats about what an acceptable time to wake up is

2. Sat around the house in my jammies most of the day

3. Blogged

4. Took shower

5. Bought a fuckload of super cheap yarn (enough Red Heart for an afghan and Fun Fur for kitty beds)(shh... don't tell Scott)

6. Went to knit night

7. Watched X-files with Husband until I was ready to pass out from sleepiness

8. Argued with the cats again

9. Ate chocolate-covered espresso beans for breakfast

10. Showered again

11. Gave Spencer a bath

12. Went to bank; bought correct ink cartridge and groceries

13. Got home, realized that my "groceries" consisted of: pizza rolls, orange soda, ghee, coconut oil, apple cider, and a loaf of bread

14. Debated how much impact grocery choices should impact self-worth

15. Noted that much-anticipated Netflix arrival (The Cell) was badly damaged and wept over having to wait longer to see crazy Vincent D'Onofrio character again

16. Made popcorn with coconut oil and ghee; discovered surprising level of disappointment with ghee

17. Watched less awesome movie with a still-damp pug clinging to my side for warmth

18. Spent the remainder of the afternoon and much of the evening downloading Snoop Dogg songs and pointlessly browsing internet

19. Wrote this blog in a last-ditch effort to feel like today wasn't a complete wash

20. Realized that I should have included "finished french press cozy" and "did laundry" in this list somewhere between 14 and 18, but was too lazy to renumber the list

How am I this lazy? Sometimes I'm amazed I don't die from spontaneous organ failure as my laziness takes over even my most basic reflexive bodily functions.

Not-So-Black Friday

Thanksgiving is the best holiday of ever. This year Scott and I spent it with our friends, Joe and Maria, who happen to be vegetarians. They made an unturkey, made with seitan, which is surprisingly meaty (and tasty!). Admittedly, I was very skeptical at first. If my brief foray into vegetarianism taught me anything, it was that most fake meat products are disgusting- at least when compared to their meaty counterparts. But the unturkey tasted almost exactly like turkey, except that the texture was different. If you had told me I was eating some sort of processed turkey-based food product, I would have believed you.

All in all, the evening was most excellent. Good food, good friends (including meeting a new acquaintance!), and good times all around. I am thinking that we might return the favor by inviting them for a Lou Malnati's deep dish pizza-fest in the near future.

Last night we also learned that Cass got her first job, which is pure awesomesauce. We are very proud, and she's a smart cookie so I'm sure she'll do great. Hopefully she'll learn all those tricky things about being responsible with time, money and priorities. If you're reading this, Cass: Yes, of course all those things can suck ass at times, but that is what enables you to do whatever the hell you want with the rest of your life!

Speaking of jobs, mine is pretty awesome lately. I've been putting in a little extra effort, and it's paying off. Not only literally (in terms of overtime), but my boss seems a lot happier with me, too. I recently got a glowing review, and learned that one of my customers was so pleased that he's writing a letter to be added to my personal file. Then to top it off, another customer sent me a Target gift card to thank me for working on a Saturday a couple weeks ago. It feels good to be appreciated, and it's incredibly motivating.

My knitting mania has returned, but (and I think this is typical of me) I am so enthralled with the idea of knitting so many different things, that I end up staring at Ravelry all day, not knowing where to start. Last week I worked on my green pullover, but when I tried it on I decided it needed shaping and ripped back most of it. I've also got a new pair of socks going, and a cozy for Scott's french press. And of course there's Spencer's bed which still languishes in my closet most of the time- out of sight, out of mind. I've really got to get going on that because between the cats and Spencer, his current bed has seen better days.

In addition to the things I've already got going, I keep having happy little visions of mittens and gloves and hats dance around my head. More recently, a ginormous crocheted afghan has crept in there, too. It might be fun to have something for lounging around on the sofa with all the pets. This would be made with super cheap acrylic for durability, and also because the cats will put anything wool in their mouths. They are wool suckers.

I'm also thinking about making a couple felted "beds" for the cats. Since they're young and don't seem to really mind sitting on the hard floor, these would be more like cat mats. I'm thinking felted... several strands of wool (despite the sucking- felting should help that be less of a problem)... large needles... and maybe even an eyelashy fun-fur type novelty yarn carried along because word on the street is cats love that sort of thing. It would be nice for them to have something cozier than linoleum to sit on as they watch leaves skitter across the deck.

Maybe I can work on finishing those this weekend. I love sitting here (still in my jammies) and knowing that I'd normally be at work right now. It is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Today my plans consist of being lazy for most of the day (check!), bathing my stinky piggy-pug, bathing myself, and going to knit night. I might stop at Office Depot for printer ink, if it doesn't look too nutty. Apparently when HP says "buy ink with the number 564 on it" they really mean "no, not that one- the OTHER 564." Fuckers.

The rest of my weekend will be filled with X-files, movies, and knitting. It's really the only way to live. I hope all of you out there are having an equally awesome weekend.

Chemical Delirium

I've got serotonin issues. I always have. Ever since junior high, I've lived with some level of depression and/or anxiety. It's run unchecked and unmedicated more often than not, but recently I went to the doctor and got put back on meds. Hooray! She also gave me a little bottle of insta-happy for any panic attacks I get until they fully kick in. The serotonin boosters are not new to me, but these happy pills... They had me both nervous and intrigued.

I was worried that I'd take one during a panic attack while out in public, and have some sort of horrible reaction- which would increase my anxiety and (in my imaginary scenario) reduce me to a sobbing heap of embarrassment in the middle of a restaurant. So I thought I had better test drive one at home first. I took one last night when I got home from knit night. Wow. These babies will even make going to the dentist a pleasant experience. I feel very hopeful that my life will be more action-packed and fun-filled.

And if that's not awesome enough, my cholesterol is down! My first ever test was 221- and that was after being a vegetarian for nearly a year. My next test was 234, and that was after trying to eat a little better and get a bit of exercise. Now I'm down to 202! That's just 3 points out of the normal range! Oddly enough, I've stopped caring about what I eat and abandoned any hope of getting regular exercise. I've decided that the best explanation is that more donuts = lower cholesterol.

This last week Scott and I had our 9 year anniversary, and I'm really sort of amazed that he's put up with my neurotic ass for so long. Secretly, I know that I'm the the hard one to live with, even though I like to pretend it's him. I just hope he'll keep sticking it out with me. Hopefully Medicated Amanda will be slightly less of a pain in the ass.

Pac Man

I got a text from someone who had a wrong number, and decided to have a little fun. I have no idea why all his texts ended with "RIP Pac Man." The following conversation took place over three hours, and was loads of fun (for me). His part is red, mine is blue.

Whats up sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who dat?

Who calls u sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Where u been? I miss u!

I miss u to baby my roommate had to pay his bill **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I never liked him.

Why u say that baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Cuz he gave me herpes :(

Who did **R.I.P PAC MAN**

WTF that trick ass bitch u live with that's who! But that's in the past

Who is that babe and how u know who i live with **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I met him at the club once and we got 2 talkin an next thing I know we banging in the toilet

So u wanna hook up later?

How can we hook up later **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can we not? Dont be that way, you know how bad I want you

But i cant leave the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Can't I go there?

Yea when u wanna cum **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Lol tonite ok?

Ite but who was the guy u met in the club whats his name and i thought u didnt have herpes **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I was pretty drunk and don't remember his name. Don't be mad I just wanted 2 get 2 know u.

If u dont remember his name how u know who my roommate is keep it 100 **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He said he was, I remember that part. Otherwise I wouldn't of talked 2 him. He kinda stanky.

What do that mean and why u fuck a stanky nigga anyway and how he know we talk **R.I.P PAC MAN**

He say u owe him money and if we fuck hed call it even. I was tryin 2 help u out.

Do u know who u texting **R.I.P PAC MAN**

I don't know 2 many playas in halfway houses

So who do talk to in the halfway house **R.I.P PAC MAN**

You! God u pissin me off. I'm not cumming over later. I gotta get my hair did

Who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who am I!?

Kita now who im i **R.I.P PAC MAN**

This ain't kita! Who the fuck is kita? And where else u been stickin yo dick?

Nah im playin u guh like shit u cummin to see me **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lack of punctuation still leaves me confused as to what he exactly meant)

I'm a go see my man Chucho! He know how to treat a lady right!

So now i dont stop purpin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(at this point I had to google "purpin")(it means lying to cover something up)(yes I'm that white)

U the one be purpin

Come fuck wit me if u cant come up here at least send me a picture sun shine **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Use ur imagination!

Im only creative when fuckin **R.I.P PAC MAN**

So i guess u dont wanna cum huh baby **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Not wit u! Lose my number...

I dont want herpes anyway stank cock cunt **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(aw, I feel kinda bad)

Ok I confess: I have no idea who you are, who your roomate is, or who Kita is. You texted the wrong number.

Iite **R.I.P PAC MAN**

(the lower-case "L" and upper case "I" on my iPhone are identical...)

Lite? Lite what?

I said iite,wat u want 2 stor dis number n ur phone book babygirl:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

How can you be sure I'm even a girl? :)

Now u playin games huh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Who is PAC MAN?

U kno da viedo game....duhhh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Ha I thought it was someone's nick-name. Why are you in a halfway house? And why can't you leave?

I juss came home from do 5years i get releas n 2weeks,y wats up send me ah picture of u..... **R.I.P PAC MAN**

What were you in for?

If i tell u everything u gon kno more den me....smh wats up wit ah picture **R.I.P PAC MAN**

No picture! I want to know why you were in prison.

I was locked up for a gun charge and i had some coke on me,wats up wit da pic **R.I.P PAC MAN**

5 yrs is a long time for a gun and some blow… what else have you done?

(no response)

How about a picture of my pussy?

Iite let me c it:-) **R.I.P PAC MAN**

U got alot of jokes dont u..lol....smh **R.I.P PAC MAN**

Yes I do. I have to get back to work now, but thanks for an entertaining day. Good luck with being released and all that. :)

And that was that. I hope this guy finds the piece of ass he's looking for.

Cats and Knitting (oh god I'm becoming what I've always feared)

Holy shit do I love this weather. It's cool enough for sweaters (especially at night) and toasty warm hand-knits, but not so cold that we need to turn on the heat. It's so exciting to know that I won't need to worry about sweating my ass off every time I leave the house for at least another 6 months or so. I recently bought a wind-proof fleece jacket and it is perfect for this time of year. I loves it. I also bought a pair of winter boots, which unfortunately guarantees that there will be absolutely no snow this year. Not that I'm hoping for a repeat of last year's deluge, but a couple of 6" snows is always nice- it's just not winter without some measurable snow.

Today is Halloween, and I'm excited to celebrate in my customary way: I buy a couple bags of Halloween candy, get a blanket, and pick a spooky movie. Then I turn off the porch light, snuggle up on the couch with the blanket and movie, and eat all the candy myself. Mwahahahaha! Honestly, I did leave the light on for the first two years but we never had one trick-or-treater. Not one! I think they avoid our neighborhood because of all the stairs, lazy little slackers.

I finished knitting a pair of socks for my sister-in-law, and immediately afterwards made a couple instant-gratification items: a swiffer cloth and a felted coaster cozy. The swiffer cloth was a success- it's not quite as grabby as the disposable cloths, but it does work. The coaster cozy was meant to keep the cats from knocking our stack of cheap cork coasters off the counter. It was less of a success. First, it didn't quite come out the size I was shooting for. This is probably because I crocheted it and crochet apparently shrinks differently than knitting, which makes sense because it IS different. Second, it does nothing to stop the cats from just knocking the whole thing off the counter. Clearly, this is their second favorite game to play in our absence, right after "hide assorted small objects under the stove."

Speaking of cats, Marlow did wind up back at the vet. They shaved the back of his leg to get a good look at where he had been chewing and he really did a number on himself. Chewed himself right up. He also had filthy ears (again) and a small scratch on his cornea (probably from a tussle with Sam). They gave us four (4!) medications and an Elizabethan collar. Surprisingly, the medications were not a big deal. Two oral liquids, ear drops, and eye ointment... he was good about getting all of them, even the ointment. The collar on the other hand, well, didn't go over too well.

I'm reasonably certain that Marlowe is dumber than your average cat. I love him to death, but he's... special. I put the collar on him once we got home, and the poor little guy could not figure out how to walk forward with it on. He kept trying to slink along the ground, but the bottom edge of the collar would catch on the carpet. He would take a couple steps, get "stuck" on the carpet (or a piece of furniture or a door frame), then he'd back up and try again. I even tried cutting about an inch off of it to make things easier, but it was no help. Eventually he solved his problem by simply walking backwards. Except he couldn't navigate the stairs backwards. I carried him upstairs, since I'd rather have him up near the litter box, but then I found new problems. He couldn't get into the covered litter box and he had no water upstairs. Ok. I took the top off the litter box thinking that he might figure out how to back into it. Then I brought up a bowl of water. Unfortunately, it only took Sam a few minutes to locate the bowl of water and splash all the water out of it. Super.

I can't separate the cats because I have only one litter box. If I put Marlowe upstairs with a bowl of water, Sam will splash all the water out. And Marlowe can't drink out of the water dish downstairs with the cone on, so there's no point in putting the litter box and Marlowe down there. The only solution was that the collar had to go. There was no way I could stay home with Marlowe and make sure that my backwards-walking cat would be okay anyway. He had to be able to function without me. Luckily, it all worked out in the end. Once the steroids kicked in, he seemed to stop itching and had little interest in chewing up his leg. Now he's fine, though he still looks a little mangy while his hair grows back.

The vet had also suggested that Marlowe is getting a little chunky, which came as a huge surprise. If Marlowe is getting a little husky, then Sam must be morbidly obese. Now they're both on diets, and I'm feeding them separately to be sure they're only eating exactly what they're given. Of course this means that they wake me up every morning, crying about how they're starving and they'll die if they don't get their breakfast right now! And they repeat this routine as soon as I walk in the door. It irritates them to no end that Spencer gets walked before they get their dinner, and Sam gives us the Glare of Death from the window sill. Oh, these pets and their shenanigans!

Back to knitting: I'm working on a pair of fingerless mittens for myself, to protect my hands from the Jeep's cold steering wheel. What's better- it's from STASH! Look at me! Knitting from the stash! Who knew it was possible? I'm using a ball of Rowan Felted Tweed that I actually bought for this very purpose, and making up the pattern as I go.

I'm also considering destashing all my mohair. I bought a bunch of it when I first discovered non-big-box yarn, but it turns out that I really don't like mohair. I can't really put my finger on why, but I don't. My sister is visiting this weekend (yay!) so maybe she'd like some, and anything else will go up for grabs.

A Mostly Decent Week

The past week had only a few small frustrations. This is remarkably better than previous weeks, which were fraught with many large annoyances. It turns out that I'm not thrilled with my bangs- they're cute, but mildly annoying. Luckily they'll be long enough to tuck behind my ear in a few weeks, and until then bobby pins keep them out of my eyes. There haven't been any major issues at work, but we have had a lot of visitors which is distracting. And it seems like everyone is doing their best to schmooze my coworker and I in an effort to convince us to move to Connecticut. I know they don't mean to, but they're stressing me out. It's a lot of pressure. Even without the schmooze, it's a lot.

When Scott wanted to move us out to Maryland, the decision wasn't as hard. Sure we'd be far from our family, but he had a great job offer and I had absolutely nothing going for me in Illinois. But now there's more at stake, since we have to consider Scott's career and our home (which hasn't exactly appreciated). Plus we like this area... I've really grown to love it (except the damn heat). I like the slightly slower pace of life, lax gun laws, history, and mild hillbilly flavor. I'm sure Connecticut has it's own charms, but I definitely get that "fish out of water" vibe.

Today I lightened that load a bit by doing a Tarot spread. I love Tarot. I don't think there's anything mystical or magical about it, but it works. You read into it what you need to hear. This time I read that for now I just need to relax and let things play out. And that's true- even if I knew the answer right now, it doesn't really make a difference. We're still going to be here in MD for at least another year, probably longer. Maybe during that time something will change that will make the decision obvious. Either way, there's no use killing myself with stress trying to figure it out now.

So let's switch over to lighter subjects, shall we? The cats freaking love their new perch. They climb right up the side to get to the top, and sleep there all the time. It was clearly money well spent. Sam is doing well, but he's getting to be a big boy. I think I'm going to need to start separating the cats during their dry food meals to make sure they're both eating their own portions. Spencer is also well, if just a bit arthritic. He needs a nail trim soon, and I have (admittedly high) hopes of Scott and I doing it ourselves. Perhaps if we involve hotdogs or bacon it will be possible. Poor Marlowe continues to be vexed by minor health issues. It seems he's going to be headed back to the vet this week with more allergies. He's been a little squinty, and seems to be itchy. He chewed the crap out of his leg, and is now sporting a bald spot. Hopefully this is something that can be solved with some sort of kitty Benadryl. Quick innerweb research tells me itchy cats are usually reacting to seasonal allergies or mold. I'm doubting it's mold in his case as our house isn't all that old and hasn't had any major water damage or anything like that. I could also swear that his bad days would coincide with mine, but I didn't keep records or anything so who knows. Can cats eat honey? That's what's been helping me- local honey. Hm, perhaps I'll ask the vet.

A new BBQ place, Rib City, opened up nearby. We finally tried it out, but were sort of disappointed. The food wasn't bad, but not amazing either. It felt a lot like eating at a Steak 'n Shake (you have a server, but you're eating on plastic plates)- sort of a middle ground between fast food and sit-down restaurant. The biggest turn off was our server, who was pretty obviously stoned out of her freaking mind and severely annoying. I'm pretty sure she would have been mildly annoying but tolerable, had she not been so very, very high; but holy effing crap... We probably should have said something, but with food it's always sketchy. You don't want anyone spitting in your food. Instead we'll vote with our wallets and stick with Famous Dave's for our mediocre BBQ needs.

I'm chugging along on the current sock project, but my mind has been elsewhere. We had a few days of cool weather, and it got me excited about cold-weather knits: hats, mittens, sweaters, etc. I'd like to make myself some fingerless mitts for driving, and regular mittens for whatever. Then there's the plethora of sweaters that I have yarn for, but haven't started; and maybe a couple hats. We're also trying to whittle down our unnecessary spending, and knitting from the stash will both save money by spending less on yarn, and by essentially expanding/replacing my wardrobe for free. Next time a hoodie wears out, I'm not allowing myself to buy another. It must be knit!

If I can remember, I'm going to do the biannual airing of the stash this week. As more and more stinkbugs sneak into the house, I wonder what other sort of critters are getting in without my knowledge. I don't like using mothballs, so I might make more scented sachet like I did last year. Or I'll cave and stick my lovely yarn in zip-lock bags. Hopefully bags aren't necessary, since my wool is in the closed cabinet- I wouldn't call it bug-proof, but it's at least bug-resistant. In any case, the task will be considerably more difficult with the cats around. The little yarn thieves are not to be trusted. I will attempt to distract them with crinkly paper, but if it doesn't work I'm sure you'll read about it next time.

In Which I Never Learn

Wearing ponytails almost exclusively for the past year or so has really done a number on my hair. I think there may be additional things going on (crappy health, stress) that are contributing to that problem, but mostly I think it's the ponytails. I tried using only scrunchies, since they seemed to be more gentle, but I don't think it was helping. Since growing out my pixie cut, it's only been cut 1.5 times (the .5 was when I trimmed up the back myself when it was looking a bit mullet-esque). It was time for another cut to get rid of all the dead ends and the last of the dyed bits. I figured shoulder length should do it, but ultimately decided to go a bit shorter and toyed with the notion of bangs. Do I dare admit that what I wanted was a bob? I do. It was. Except no layers- I think that's where the stylists fuck me. They all seem to think layers will help, but they never do. I considered the fact that the cut I desired consisted of cutting one straight line, and decided that The Hair Cuttery would suffice. After all, even a shitty stylist should possess the scissory aptitude of a six year old, right?

Not so much, apparently.

It started out okay. I had brought a picture procured from the innerwebs to show the length I desired. I also pointed to the exact spot on my neck. I tried to be very clear, even though I probably wouldn't have cared if she was an inch off in either direction. I had brought a second picture to demonstrate the bangs I liked, but told her to leave that part out for now- I would prefer to decide at the end. She washed my hair and got to snipping.

Very quiet alarms sounded almost immediately. She was distracted. She had to walk away 3-4 times to help the receptionist with the register. She referred back to my picture and said, "Now this cut has very few layers, it's just a blunt cut..." "Yes!" I interjected, "I don't want any layers. Just straight across, please." She seemed dubious, but kept snipping away. About 3 minutes into the cut, she discovered during small talk that I was about a decade older than she thought. It's not uncommon, and most people are afraid they've offended me (they probably haven't), but this woman seemed sort of disturbed by it. As though I had somehow offended her. The alarms got louder. Our chit-chat grew awkward. Everything irked her: I've been married for 9 nears. My husband is a tattoo artist. I have a 16 year old stepdaughter, but don't really want babies. You'd think I was telling her how I like to punch kittens or throw rocks off overpasses. I chalked it up to personal differences, and let the conversation die. At that point she was ready to start blow drying my hair anyway.

As she dried, I noticed that one side was a little longer than the other. So did she, and she snipped off a little bit to even it out before blowing the ends under. I did not notice that she had overcompensated. At some point she said she had done something to the ends to "give it some movement." I wrongly assumed that she was talking about the little texturizing snippets I saw her making on the ends- THAT I would have been fine with. She finished blowing the ends under, but one side wanted to blow out instead of under. So she attempted to fix it with a flat iron. It didn't work. What it did do was make the ends of my hair L shaped. It seemed like she was having a long day, so I let it go thinking that at least the cut was even. She showed me the back, which looked fine blown under, and we were done. Wanting to just get out of there, I nixed the bangs, paid, and left.

I got home and went right up to the bathroom for a better look. I was, um, a little surprised. There were layers. They were only in back, and they made the back of my hair flip straight out- just like that loathsome bob I got back in 2008. What the fuck. Sometimes I think that maybe I never actually speak- I just hallucinate that I'm speaking. Because I vividly remembered saying, "No layers, just straight across." I turned my attention to my L shaped ends. That was an easy fix. I wet the ends so that I could re-dry them, and that's when I saw how uneven they were. The right was a solid 1/2" longer than the left in front. Remembering that she had cut my hair while it was parted in the center, but styled it parted on left, I thought that might be the cause. No dice. Moving my part simply moved the extra length to the other side. Fuuuuuck. This is why I don't get my hair cut very often.

My choices were further butchery at the hands of another stylist, or fix it myself. I opted to fix it myself. Using my dinky pair of hair scissors and a hand mirror, I did it. First I evened out the sides, then worked on the back. It turns out that she had also interpreted "straight across" as "slightly longer in the back," so eliminating the layers wasn't a problem. Once it was all cut, rinsed, and blow dried, I cut my bangs exactly how I wanted them- long and side swept. I did a surprisingly decent job. Here is the photographic evidence:

Hair I Wanted: (please show me where the layers are, because I can't see them)



















Bangs I Wanted:



















End Result:



















I don't know what that lady's problem was, but I'm never going back to Hair Cuttery again, no matter how simple my needs. Next time I think I want to do something basic enough for them, I'll just do it myself to begin with and use the money to buy more yarn.