Fun Times

It looks like I have about 6 more weeks until I have to move up to Connecticut. I spent the six weeks prior to my last move pretty zonked out on Xanax most of the time, and it looks like this move won't be any different. The amount of jackassery at work is multiplying exponentially, and it has me a little freaked out. I'm sort of half expecting to hate life once I move. Also, moving several hundred miles by myself is a little terrifying. It was hard enough having to move out- and live by myself for the first time- in the same area, where nothing else changes... Same job, same friends, same doctor, etc. So anyhoo, I'm a bit stressed out. Really, the past year has never made me feel more grateful for modern pharmaceuticals. If it wasn't for Xanax, I'd surely be rocking back and forth in a padded room somewhere. Now it's time to start packing and planning. Luckily, this time, my company will be footing the bill for the move. I get to have a truck and people to load it for me. At least that will be nice.

In other news, I started reading The Exorcist a couple days ago. It's fucking scary. I saw the movie when I was 12, and my mother was pretty upset when she came home as it was ending. I told her I didn't see what the big deal was- it was a creepy movie, but not exactly horrifying. Then she went into one of her speeches about how different things were back then, and it was a huge deal when it came out, blah, blah, blah... I'm sure being 12 I couldn't care less and tuned it out. But the book (as is generally the case) blows the movie out of the water. For two days I've been sort of afraid of my refrigerator because it makes random knocking sounds.



I also had a brief foray into online dating. Then ended pretty quickly after getting a message from a super creepy guy telling me he's into torture porn. That's just what the ladies love to hear. Now I don't want to date again ever. I think I'll just live alone in a crappy apartment for the rest of my days, with my tortoise and Spencer. Eventually I'll get a cat. I found a tiny condo near my company, so I can buy that and live there pretty cheaply until my heart gives out from eating copious amounts of cheese. That's certainly preferable to winding up in torture porn guy's basement.

That's my exciting life these days. Stay tuned for posts detailing my possible nervous breakdown over the next six weeks!

Russian Tortoise Soup

I haven't done much blogging because honestly I haven't really done anything noteworthy. Except I did get myself a Russian tortoise. I named him Soup.


I did a fair amount of research before getting him, and found out there are a TON of important things you need to know about these little guys. And after Soup's first visit to the vet, I sort of gathered that most people don't take the time to learn about these guys before buying one. So I thought I would share what I've learned, and what I'm doing.

First of all, Soup is a hatchling. I bought him online from Backwater Reptiles. I didn't have any special reason for ordering from them, other than availability. He arrived pretty healthy (from what I could tell), but he was cold. It is important to note that tortoises under 4" can't be sold except for research/educational purposes, which is why you'll only find 4"+ at pet stores. It's a very lax law, but it exists. I would not buy a tortoise from a pet store for the same reasons you wouldn't want a puppy from a pet store- they're often stressed and unhealthy, and you don't know where they came from. Many are caught in the wild (with tiny parasites in their guts) and shipped halfway around the world. You want to look for captive bred, and my vet also brought up looking into whether any quarantine procedures are used by the breeder. Oh, and you can't tell the sex until they're at least a few inches, so if you want a baby you can't be picky.

Before Soup came home, I made sure I set up his habitat.



Cage: I use a 56 gallon Rubbermaid tub, which is about 42"x18"x21". It's bigger than what he needs now, but he won't outgrow it. It is important to use an opaque container, because they will go nuts trying to get out of a clear one.

Substrate: I wound up going through a few substrates before I found one I liked, which turned out to be what the vet prefers as well: shredded newspaper. I tried shredded Cyprus, alfalfa pellets, and a sand/coconut fiber blend. The Cyprus was too rough, the alfalfa got moldy, and the sand/coconut was too messy. I was also afraid the sand would get in his eyes. I really like the shredded newspaper- it's cheap, easy for Soup to dig in, and easy to clean or replace. Fluffed up, it's about 3-4" deep. I only keep the substrate on one side of the tub, so he can be fed on the other end without accidentally eating the paper, and he also tends to eliminate on the other end so it's easy to clean up.

Light/heat: Soup has a combo heat/UVB bulb- the UVB is super important for shell development. It's a $60 bulb, but it saves me from needing yet ANOTHER lamp. He also has a little nightlight- a 40 watt red bulb. My apartment is a little chillier than what tortoises like at night, and this kicks it up a couple degrees for his comfort and health. Both lights are hooked up to timers, and are on for 12 hours each. His habitat is kept at about 95 degrees directly under the heat lamp, about 80-85 in the rest of the substrate section, and 70-75 at night.

Decor: He has a couple of flat rocks to climb over, and a box to explore or hide in. I also gave him a paper cup, a jingle bell, and a plastic ball that he can nudge around.

Now onto diet! Soup recently added yummy T-Rex brand pellets to his main diet of leafy greens. He loves romaine, green lettuce, escarole, and collard greens. I also have a couple of supplements by Rep Cal, but now that he's on pellets they are less important. I still give him calcium once a week, mushed into the pellets (which I soften in water). There is a cuttle bone (for calcium) in his habitat too, but I don't think he nibbles on it. I leave it in there for an extra thing to climb around on.



Speaking of water, hydration is super important. Soup gets soaked for about 10 minutes every day. He also has a humidity box in his habitat (hiding in the substrate), which is a tupperware container cave with some damp sphagnum moss in it. I don't keep a water dish in his habitat because he is small enough that if he managed to flip over in it, he would drown.


And some basic info on Soup: I think he was hatched in mid-late summer, which would make him about 5-6 months or so. He will live about 50 years, and grow to be 6-12", depending on sex. Right now he is 2" from the front to back of his shell, and 25 grams. And he is as cute as a button.

And I think that about wraps it up. Here are some more pictures for your enjoyment.

Art Meets Science, Sort of

This past week I kept seeing that commercial for the correspondence art school that has you draw the bear as your application- as a kid it was advertised in the back of magazines. I'm sure you'd recognize it if you saw it. Anyway, I always thought it was funny, and for whatever reason I googled it. It turns out a correspondence art school certificate will cost you a cool $3485, but that does include books and supplies. And they do offer scholarships. Well. I really had no choice but to request more information.

I'm absolutely dying to see the application. I have every intention of applying (assuming there is no application fee), despite the fact that I lack any artistic skill or talent. I did invest in a drawing book, so I could put forth my best effort when I draw the infamous bear.

The first exercise is drawing your own feet. I went out and bought fancy-pants drawing pencils, a gum eraser, and a sketch book. Then I drew my feet.


Fucking terrible, as expected. But hey, the point is to have a bit of fun and maybe learn something new.

The next night I had an idea. I was going to get plastered and see how well I would do then. I honestly thought it would just be funny. So I picked up some beer.

Yesterday after work, I had some dinner and got to drinking. I redid the feet exercise after just 2 beers.


Yup, still awful. But what if I keep drinking? Sick of looking at my feet, I decided to switch to Spencer...


Hmm. If you've seen any of my previous attempts to sketch my dog, you'd probably agree this is an improvement. Interesting. I think it was at this point that I decided popping a Xanax might help. Also perhaps a shot of whiskey.


Spencer up close, and better still! I could be onto something. Then I remembered another exercise in the book- drawing your own hand. More booze!


Ok. I really think that this is not bad for someone with zero training and devoid of artistic talent. Now I'm in trouble because I want to keep getting shit faced to see what else I can draw. Sadly, I imagine very few hospitals accept crappy sketches in lieu of payment for liver transplants.

Three or four months of adventures, one post!‏

Now that I’ve lured you in with a promising title, the bait and switch: there are no adventures, really. I’m quite dull. But read this anyway, because I’m also odd and do stupid crap- it might turn out to be funny. Or sad. Or both.

Work has been super hectic. I think there may be a plot to kill me with a combination of stress and exhaustion. I’ve accrued roughly 4 weeks of vacation time that I need to take by the end of the year, but I have no time to take it- they’re keeping me too busy. I had serious thoughts about taking off all of December, but I think that might make my boss’s head explode. Which would be fine, except then I’d have to deal with the customers and I don’t want that at all.

My apartment community is getting new siding, windows, and sliding doors. Mostly this is awesome- my apartment's windows and door are already done, and they are much quieter. I like this. The downside is threefold: First, they start working at 8 am which sucks ass if you're trying to sleep in because you worked a 16 hour day, came home and consumed a buttload of caffeine without thinking about it, and subsequently didn't get to sleep until almost 3 am. Second, a few of the Latino workers say things as I pass by that include "mi amore" and "perrito," but I don't understand the rest. I hope they're saying nice things. And third, sometimes navigating to and from my front door requires more coordination than I am capable of (especially first thing in the morning). It is fortunate that I am lithe and have good balance- I've had to carry a furious, squirming pug over boxes of new siding and piles of old siding, around scaffolding, and under ladders. The guys are pretty good about trying to clear a path for me, but sometimes getting home involves movements reminiscent of interpretive dance.

Last weekend was deliciously lazy, but sometimes sleeping very late means forgetting to take my meds. It was placebo week for the most important pill, and with my guard down I plumb forgot about the Zoloft. For three days. Oops. On the bright side, it lead to an interesting Sunday. What follows is an exerpt of my thoughts on that day:

My face tingles.
Lolol!!1! Wait, why am I laughing?
I can't stop moving.
It's hot in here.
Pacing is good.
I'm cold.
I should knit something.
I can't think straight! What's wrong with my brain!
Why is it so bright out? Fuck off, sun!
Why can't I remember yesterday?
I'm so hungry! Eat all the things!
What was that noise!?
I can't stop moving. Why can't I stop moving?
It's hot in here.
Must pace more. More!
My neck hurts. What if I have meningitis!?!?
I can't sleep.
I'm should go to infomercial art school!
I think my face just crawled away.
I still can't sleep.
I feel dizzy.
Maybe I should knit a t-shirt for this little Dracula guy.



And that's what Zoloft withdrawal feels like! I was pretty freaked out until I realized what was going on, but by Monday morning I felt normal again. It was then that I also realized that I may have had a slightly manic episode on Saturday. My memory is pretty crappy, but at some point I decided that I needed to strip little tins, apply a toner resist, salt-water etch them, and then copper plate them. My fun with science was super cool for a few hours, but then I got bored (classic Amanda) when I realized I needed a stronger paint stripper, and even unpainted tins have some sort of clear coating on them (I presume to make them rust-proof). I really do need some sort of supervision...

The giant bottle of copper sulfate pool cleaner


The first lid with the toner resist


Two nine volt batteries, wired together


The first lid in the electrified salt water solution, after about 5 minutes


And after a couple of hours


Front to back, these are the etched lid, copper plated lid, and an untouched lid


Basically nothing worked very well because the lids were coated. I figured that out afterward. The best part of the whole thing was the look on the guy's face at the pool supply store when I tried to explain what I was going to do. Anyhow, next time I try this I'm going to need some very strong paint stripper and I think a bigger battery- I drained those two nine volts pretty quick.

I had one more fun experiment to tell you about, but I think it should have it's own post. Stay tuned.

Pretend I Posted This On Friday

I blog to you today from the lovely state of Connecticut! I am here again to train our new winder, which is really very boring. My trip goes something like this:

3:15am- Wake up (barely), shower, etc.
4:30am- Leave for BWI, try not to kill myself or others by falling asleep at the wheel.
5:30am- Arrive at BWI, try not to fall asleep on the shuttle, in the security line, or at the gate; lest my things be stolen. Acquire coffee.
6:30am- Board plane, doze off while playing Sudoku.
7:30am- Arrive in CT, take shuttle to Enterprise.
7:35am- Schmooze rental guy, pay for a compact but receive a premium car. Do happy dance on the inside, and be grateful that I didn't let myself go.
8:00am-ish- Arrive at work. Acquire more coffee and also animal crackers. Locate boss.
8:15am- Critique trainees work thus far. Sit in the room while she practices, intermittently answer questions, check her progress every once in a while and offer advice, but mostly play on my phone or check email. Internally debate whether I would get in trouble for knitting.
12:00pm- Have lunch, usually with the engineer.
1:00pm- See 8:15am.
5:00pm- Leave work.
5:20pm- Hit a drive thru on the way to the hotel.
5:30pm- Relax in hotel room, watch crappy TV, and eventually zonk out.
7:30am- Wake up late, rush to shower, get my things and check out.
8:15am- Get to work 15 min late, blame it on "getting turned around."
8:30am- See the first 8:15am.
3:00pm- Drop off rental, get shuttled to airport

And blah, blah, blah… I'm sure you know how it goes. I eventually get home around 7-7:30, and veg out, typically with yet another fast food meal. Tonight I've been invited to have dinner with the trainee and her husband, which should be fun. I will be immensely grateful to have a home-cooked meal. And maybe on one of my future trips I can get some people to go out for beers or something. The engineer took me out for beers last week when he was in Maryland, and I may have gotten a little more drunk than I intended. He was kind enough to give me a lift home, and then back the next day to get my Jeep. But now I know: 1 beer + food = OK. 3 beers + mostly empty stomach = sloshed.

With all the overtime I racked up, I decided to treat myself to a new phone. I had the same original iPhone, which became insanely slow with the v4 software update. It was getting annoying, and I wanted a 16g that would fit my entire iTunes library. But last summer I gave my upgrade to Cass, and wouldn't be eligible for another until February 2012. So I went in the AT&T store expecting to dish out full price for an iPhone 4. Instead (and possibly, like the rental car, due to being cute) I wound up paying half price. Of course I had to resign my contract, but whatevs. I got my phone. And I love it. It's faster, and fits all my music, and the retina display is incredible. Mostly I love that all I had to do was hook up my old phone to my MacBook, make sure all my recent purchases were transferred, and then hook up my new phone. Everything copied over, easy as pie.

I won't lie. I subscribe to the Cult of Apple. I just like having things that work together so seamlessly. I guess time will tell if I really want to keep drinking the Apple Kool-Aid or not… It's easy to love new things. I know how crappy and slow my old laptop got after three years, so we'll see if the MacBook does better. I'm betting it will, unless a software update comes out that it can't support, driving millions to buy a new version or deal with their newly useless machine.

The Apartment Post

It's been a month now, and the apartment is getting there. There are still a few things (mainly my closet) that need to be sorted, but I'm otherwise settled. Here are a few photos to show it off:

My bedroom. Note my creepy little dude on the nightstand. He still requires tiny knitwear. My "headboard" is just shutters. I had been looking online for cheap headboards, and couldn't find much under $100 that would fit my full size bed. Then one day I saw the shutters at Home Depot. A pair cost about $35, so the total cost was less than $80 with tax. They're very simple to put up, but I think I will have a lot of spackling to do when I move out.


The next three are of my "dining area," which is more like my office. I've never been good at eating at a table anyway, so this made more sense. I stole the caution tape and danger sign from work. :) The desk lamp on my Robot Rocketship Table has two outlets on the base, so I can plug in my laptop. Score.




This is my awesome new couch, which is much bigger than it seemed at the store. I'm keeping a fleece throw on it to protect it from Spencer's schmoogy and snarfles, and also from my own sloppy self. It's honestly pretty big, and very deep. It's almost like having a twin bed in my living room, and I love that. Also pictured is my yarn cabinet, proudly displaying the better parts of my stash.


Moving on to the kitchen! First I must say that the best part of unpacking was when I opened up my new (and very, very inexpensive) IKEA cookware set and discovered that it is GRADUATED. For reals! Cups and liters, right up the sides! How freaking awesome is that!? I love it.


My new cast iron pan/mini-wok thing is pretty sweet too- I found it for half off at the Williams-Sonoma outlet in Leesburg. It's a Staub, which I had never heard of, but some lady at the store (just another customer) gushed about hers as she was buying some other stuff nearby. Hopefully she's right- I haven't tried it out yet, as I haven't cooked more than Mac & Cheese since moving in.


Back in January, when I was still feeling resentful about the situation, I decided that if I was going to have to move out, I wanted to fill the new place with things Scott would hate... or at least not like. So I bought these:


Little, reusable wiener-cicles. I use them often, and smile when I do.

During a quiet day at work, I found a fun use for the label maker tape that we accidentally bought (it's 1/2" not our typical 1/4"). Baking with flour and sugar is dullsville. I prefer anthrax and arsenic.


And the most used thing in my kitchen: the butter crock. It was a gift from my friend, Karen, and it's incredible. You fill the lid with butter, put some cold water in the base, and keep it on the counter. Creamy, soft, spreadable butter is then available at your whim. I'm on my third loaf of cinnamon toast. My cholesterol levels are sure to suffer, but I don't care. I will gladly shave a few years off my life if it means enjoying delicious, real butter instead of margarine.


Karen gave it to me at a surprise knit-night housewarming. It turns out that my knitty pals did not feel that giving up a Saturday morning to help me move was altruistic enough- they had to go and be even more supportive and awesome by giving me awesome things like hand-knits and soaps and extra well-wishes and such. I am exceptionally lucky to have such amazing friends!

Living on my own is teaching me some new things. Number one: Know where the Verizon guy will need to go when he comes to install your cable, so that you do not have to suddenly hide your underthings and then freak him out by accidentally leaving your giant shotgun right where he will be. Number two: The new-fangled anchors that seem like they will be awesome might actually suck very hard, and you should stick with what you know will work so that you do not wind up having to spackle many holes and sand wood glue off the wall (it seemed like a good idea). And number three: When doing laundry for the first time in a new place, if you discover that the dryer is not plugged in, you should also consider that the vent hose is not hooked up either. The amount of lint that will explode out the back of the dryer in three seconds is pretty astounding.

I have a new TV now, which isn't very different from the one I left behind, but I also got a Blu-Ray player. At the old place, we just used the Xbox to watch DVDs, so movies in HD are sort of new for me. I was surprised that I could really tell the difference! But sadly, my favorite low-budget horror movies are harder to watch. The fake sets and props that looked fine before look pretty cheesy now. Hopefully as technology gets cheaper, the low-budget stuff will eventually have better CG effects, and they will be able to digitally enhance some of the fakery.

That's my big apartment post. Stay tuned for a non-apartment post detailing the other minutia of my dull life!

For Starters

My List of Reasons Getting Divorced Might Not Be So Bad

1. My bathroom is way cleaner, and I'm not cleaning toothpaste dribbles and beard shavings out of the sink every day.

2. I can watch whatever I please on TV without snarky comments- whether it's reality TV or a silly family movie starring Eddie Murphy.

3. The only grumbling I hear comes from Spencer, and I can squirt him with the water bottle if it annoys me.

4. There is a hot pink Robot-Rocketship table in my dining room, and I love it.

5. I can eat whatever the fuck I want. This means that baby carrots with ranch dressing and some toast is an acceptable meal. And I can make all the crappy food I want: Frito Pie, my mom's spaghetti (with ground beef! Sacrilege!), Hamburger Helper, casseroles, etc.

6. The house is cleaner. I'm not cleaning peanut butter fingerprints off the cabinets, and there aren't spots of tar (or grease or whatever gets on his shoes when he rides his motorcycle) on the carpet.

7. I don't need to constantly relocate piles of laundry when I want to vacuum or go to bed.

8. The wooden spoons aren't destroyed from being put in the dishwasher.

9. The dishwasher gets loaded the right way- with the dirty side facing the water spray.

10. The grocery bill is WAY cheaper.

11. I don't have to hide snacks so that they don't get eaten before I've had a chance to eat any.

12. It's much nicer to sleep without the chorus of snoring and gnashing teeth.

13. The sheets are all mine! Mine! MINE!! Mwahahahahaha!

14. Nobody makes me feel inferior for having wacky serotonin levels.

15. I can leave my knitting wherever the hell I want, muthafucka!

16. I can use up all the hot water without guilt.

17. For all the reasons above and more I haven't thought of yet, my life is much less stressful.